Would you be upset in my situation?

Question

I am unsure whether my feelings are irrational or whether I have thr right to be a little upset here, so....

I have a partner of four years and we have on occassions talked about what we would call our children if we are to have any in the future and a name we had both always loved for a little girl was Amber, as it is a pretty name and you don't hear it very often. We also thought that as my boyfriend has red hair, our children would be likely to and this name would suit a little girl really well.
My partners best friend and his girlfriend were planning to call their daughter Neve and in a discussion my boyfriends friend asked what names he liked for children and said 'if me and hannah ever have children we would call our daughter Amber'.
He thought nothing of it and recieved a text message today saying 'we have had a baby girl and have called her amber neve' which has upset me as he has basically taken our name and used it as his own, knowing we loved the name and planned to...

use it. We are both gutted and I feel his best friend has done something very disloyal, considering he was never planning to use this name. I feel sad that a name we had decided on and put thought into has been used by someone clearly unimaginative enough to think of their own special name.
It has upset us both, but I feel awkward as I am happy for them, but feel true friends wouldnt have done this. Its a kick in the balls to be honest and the name was precious to us :(
Sorry, this just puts the icing on the cake after a crappy few weeks for me.

Thank you for your comments, they mean the world to me, I understand that I don't own the name :) I mean, it was just very special and it was something I felt secure and happy with, its just a little disheartening that something that means so much to us has been used by people that didn't have that love for it.

Answer 1

it's really upsetting. considering his friend knows that you are planning to name your baby amber. it's like stealing someone else's idea. he might not know how important it is for the two of you or he was just being insensitive.
and it would be hard to think of a nice baby name that you both like. but dont worry, a better name might come up and maybe you'll have a bouncing baby boy?! of course amber wouldnt suit am boy =) or if a girl comes your way, dont worry, still, your baby will be prettier than his friend's.. cheer up! =)

Answer 2

To be honest, I'd be more than just "upset" if a friend blatantly stole "my" name ... and I've learned after having three children NOT TO SHARE NAMES for that very reason. ;) A little late for that advice, I know, but at least you won't do it again (trust me, I understand ... my sister's a name thief as well LOL).

If it's any consolation, though, Amber is not at all as uncommon as you thought. It was consistently in the 25 most popular names from 1979 straight up through the mid-90s, and only dropped out of the top 100 last year (it's now at 136). It's still VERY COMMON.

So basically, it's very likely someone else close to you would have "stolen" it before you got a chance to use it anyway. After all, it's not like it's something unique or uncommon, know what I mean? If that bothers you, you'd probably be happier looking for a new, special name that isn't quite so popular. And once you find it, don't tell anyone! ;)

Answer 3

I think that you have a right to be upset. I know I would be very mad and sad at the same time. I have a girls name that I love and when it came to naming my daughter there were two names. I used one and figured if I ever have another girl I will use the other one but now my sister says she is gonna use the name on her daughter. I am upset and don't really know what to say. Like you I know I don't own that name or anything but it was kinda made well known to everyone (especially family) that I would be using that name if I have another girl. I can understand your hurt and pain. We also have the middle name picked and now my hubby's sister is using that on the kid they are having in Dec. Just don't ever ever tell anyone the name you pick until the baby is born. It makes this kind of situation never happen. Hope that this helps you out. I am sorry that you have been hurt this way!!

Answer 4

Yes I would be upset too. The very least this so-called friend should have done was to say that after talking about it with you he really liked the name too and would you mind terribly if they also used it. It sounds though, although I hate to say it,that there is a little malice here. The friend knows what he has done, and yet is not even acknowleging it to you or your partner.Does he think you have forgotten? I think not. I would be a little wary of him in future, as this so-called friend has a problem, possibly stemming from jealousy.
As it is done now and there is nothing you can do, I would give the opposite impression to the one he thinks he has given you. Tell him you're glad they used it because you've gone right off the name, and that's a name you had previously loved, and that it would have been a shame if they'd not used it as you wouldn't have wanted them to choose something else on your account. Tell them you went off it when you met a really unruly rude child called Amber, and that you had said to your partner, right , I really don't want that name any more. I like Jade instead, or whatever. Then stick to your loyal mates who you can trust with your feelings. All good wishes to you both.

Answer 5

I can't stand when people do that - don't you have your own ideas and dreams - you know!

My mom had the same happen to her = although she got lucky and the Aunt had a boy. My mom shared when the Sister-in-law , my Aunt wsa pregnant that she loved the name Julie and that is what her daughters name would be someday. Later in my Aunts pregnancy she said that she loved the name Julie and was going to name her that if it was a girl - luckily she had a boy though.... even still my mom was pissed at the idea that she would steal the name never imagining that it would happen... praying for a boy!

I mentioned some names I liked to a good friend and she took one of them. She thought I was giving her ideas since she was pregnant while I thought we were both sharing names we were thinking about. I think she knew that but used that as a reason to make herself feel better - luckily it was not a name I was totally set on.

I hate that - so what it comes down to always shut your mouth and never say what names you like to anyone close but a sister perhaps. I would still use the name though - cause you like it - to prove a point (Make sure you tell everyone that you had the name first and they copied :) - and because sometimes friends come and go anyway

Answer 6

I can understand why you are upset, but the fact is that no one has the exclusive right to a name, and by talking about it, your partner caused his friend and his girlfriend to consider a name that they may not have thought of before. People don't generally come up with names out of thin air; they have heard the names somewhere and have liked them. That means that someone else had the name before them.

The good thing is that, assuming that you are not currently pregnant and don't have a girl, the two children won't be the same age, and since the best friend isn't family, who knows that you will even still be friends with them when your own daughter (should you ever have one) is born. The fact that there is another Amber out there shouldn't be too traumatic for you, since there are actually thousands of them out there already. I just looked over one of my class rosters, and I have two Laurens in there out of 22 female students. I'm sure that at the time their parents named them, each thought they were being terribly original by not naming them Laura. I've taught classes containing 5 Christines and 8 Johns.

In addition, for all parents' efforts to come up with unique and original names, studies have shown that children with more common names tend to be socially better-adapted. And they do say that imitation is the best form of flattery. Try not to stress about it too much. The five sons you are destined to bear in your future will thank you!

Answer 7

It was not very nice, but I don't know if it's worth losing a friendship over. You aren't even pregnant for heaven's sake. You could have a baby someday and there would be TWO Ambers whose parents are friends. In a way it was the ultimate compliment!

When you have a little girl you should name her Amber Neve-it's really pretty and they will know how it feels!

This happens within families all the time. My husband is named after his dad, his younger sister had kids before us and wanted to name her son after him, essentially taking my husband's name. It hurt our feelings and we told her so, she just shrugged. Then the DAD told her it would make him angry, so she picked a different name ( it helped that her husband wasn't too keen either). However, we had already resolved to not let it kill the relationship-it is just the two of them.

Sorry you have had a rough few weeks. Hope it all gets better soon!

Answer 8

I think if I would feel the same way actually I know I would...lol but I am not saying that it is right to feel that way because it isn't like you can "own" a name. I am pregnant now and Plan on naming our little girl as name that at least 3 people that I know said that if they were going to have a little girl that that is the name they were going to use... lucky for me they all had little boys and I am the first to have a little girl :) Our situation differs because we had no clue that anyone that we knew planned on using that name at all.

Don't sweat it though... you never know you might not be as close with this person when you have a little girl or when it comes time to have your little girl you may chose something else! Good Luck~

Answer 9

What's more important? A name anyone is free to use, or losing a friendship? If you wanted to change your attitude, could become a compliant to your choice. I had two close girl friends that this happened to years ago, The one that coped the name had a baby, the other went childless her life time.
Names run a fad gamet, from era to era, In the 50's I recall
75% baby's in my area, Middle name was Lynn. Use Amber,
it's a pretty name for a red head. Was a novel one called,
"Forever Amber." the name like most names has been around a long time.

Answer 10

This is why you never tell people what you plan on naming your kids. The same thing happened to a friend of mine. You're not being irrational, but there's nothing you can do about it now except find another name (Amber is a pretty common name, by the way).

Also, another thing to remember is that by the time you do have kids you'll probably change your mind anyway, just like your friends did. My friend decided that if they had a girl they would name her after her mother, who recently passed. Her husband was fine with that. But once she got pregnant with a girl, he completely changed his mind and they couldn't agree on a name until the day she gave birth.

So keep in mind that things can change and NEVER tell people what you want to name your baby.

Answer 11

I understand that you would be upset. But think of it like this; Your friend loved the name that your picked so much that they used it. I would also be upset at first, but then honored that someone thought so highly of a named that i picked.

Someone, someone in the world is going to name their daughter Amber. The name has been around for a very long time. And yes, its a beautiful name, i love it myself for a daughter. The point is, your not going to be the only one to name their daughter Amber. And just because they named their daughter Amber, doesnt mean you still cant. There's no rule about that. It might even be cute, if both of you have daughters named Amber, since you guys are friends and everything.

When we were pregnant with our second son, my sister was also pregnant. She was due just a few weeks before me, and was also having a boy. She picked out the name Sean. My husband and i picked out the name Evan. The day my sister had her son, she decided at the last minute to name him Evan, like we were going to name our son. I was furious! But then i leanred not to care. Its not that big of a deal. We named our son Evan anyways. Its so cute too, because they are such good friends, especially since they have the same name.