How does someone who perpetually fails at everything, get positive?

Question

I keep thinking just around the corner I'll do something right, but at 33, I'm losing hope. I hear that it's a matter of a positive attitude. If you really are a failure, how do you convince yourself otherwise? Frankly, I'm done trying anything new, because it will just end up being a waste of time.

So, when you really are a failure, how do you convince yourself otherwise?

Answer 1

Set more goals, and smaller goals. Once you feel what it's like to achieve the small goals, you will be more confident and ready to tackle larger goals.

Answer 2

First of all, start by remembering that you already have today and that tomorrow will be a fresh new start. Do that everyday.
Tell yourself that you're going to make the best of today no matter what happens and you won't let life get you down. You don't have to live like that. You only get a brief time here in this existence and you really need to try to make the best of every day. It sounds as though you have really been having a rough time. Whatever it is, I assure you you're not alone. You aren't the only person who ever asks themselves this very question. You are taking a step in the right direction by doing so. Surround yourself with those who love you and care about you and demand honesty out of all your friends and family.
Let me warn you, sometimes, honesty hurts you inside. Life is not meant to be easy. You see yourself as a failure? I'm sure that isn't the case. We all go through life making mistakes and stumble blindly over things in our way.
I've made a lot of mistakes. My marriage failed. I can't keep a job. Do you want me to go on? I just move on and I try to learn from my mistakes and work really hard to not make the same one twice. Sometimes I still do things when I'm sure I will not be happy with the outcome.
I soldier on, though. Someday a recovery crew will dredge my ship(that never came in) off the bottom of the ocean. LOL
I'm really interested to know some of the details that caused you to ask this.
Maybe I can help.

Answer 3

I failed to meet a goal today. A friend of mine said that every time you fall back, you're always a little bit further than you were at the start. I'm only 25, so maybe my positive attitude still has some momentum.

I am becoming more aware of what induces these failures. Upon repeated failings one will eventually and naturally begin to connect the dots as to why the failure occured. So just pay really close attention. You've probably succeeded in so many things already but haven't realised it due to focusing on failure so much. I suppose an appropriate balance exists.

Answer 4

Well I am not a doctor/counselor/priest or any of those things. First I would recommend that regardless of what well meaning serious answers you get here (please ignore the idiots who will take their shots) You should seek qualified help... someone to talk to about how you feel.

Now, my two cents. Its easy in our money/looks/fame obsessed world for regular achievers to feel like failures. The first thing is to realize that you are likely being unfair to yourself. You can read and write, so that was a success, one that many do not have. You re using the Internet successfully, you are forming cogent thoughts, you are expressing yourself. So just plain math you are not a failure at "everything". So if that's true and it is, you are likely not a "failure" at many of the things that you are knocking yourself for. Take some time to really evaluate how things are going. Please believe me that everyone doesn't live up to their potential on some kind of timetable, Grandma Moses painted at 80 ...right?, But go talk to someone, soon.

Best wishes, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 5

Be thankful for what you have. You seem to have a computer. Thats something you could work from. I dont know what type of things you are failing at. Are you expecting to much? If you have high expectations you do have to do alot of hard work. If one avenue fails, find another. Follow your dreams! If you dont know what you want, you need to figure that out and just do it. If you want something bad enough, stay strong, and go get it. Talk to someone to help you figure this all out. Try a local church Pastor. If you keep thinking you are going to fail, you will. You wont put any of your heart into anything to see it produce anything good. Forget all the failures cause they will bring you down. Start today fresh! Life is not a waste of time. Maybe someone out there needs your help. You could help them steer clear of the mistakes you have made, maybe.

Answer 6

Nothing is a failure it's all a learning experience. As long as you learned something from it. I know some times it is hard to believe that though. You should find something you are good at and be one of the best at it. Set some small goals and as you succeed in those set some larger ones and once you start completing the goals you have set for yourself reward yourself. If it be a milkshake or a new outfit. Let yourself know that you have done something and you can truly do anything you put your mind to.

Answer 7

Need a little attention and petting, do we? Pitty pot day? How you gonna know success if you don't know failure? Center on success and not failure unless you enjoy being a failure! At 33 there may be some credence your enjoyment of it. Remember that anyone can be a failure. It takes grit, perseverance and courage to attempt success when we know failure is much easier. You can call yourself a success just as easy as you can call yourself a failure.

Answer 8

It is sometimes hard, but it can be done. We often exaggerate the value of things.

I remember in high school, I was usually in the 'egg-head' crowd as they used to call it. I rarely bothered to look at my report card because I almost always knew the news was good and that was no news. One day I dutifully turned over my card and my father simply blew up over a grade in a class I don't really recall. I was grounded for two weeks. A couple of days later, in a study hall, one of my friends stepped by and asked if I flunked a course, as the rumor had gone around. I simply said, "I think so, I don't know what, but I can't imagine my dad getting any angrier than if I had." That night I checked my card again--I made a B in one course, the rest were A's. At that point I simply stopped trying so hard. It angered my father but then he was forced to moderate his response to what I did. I was no longer a straight-A student, but then my father stopped exaggerating his displeasure to such an extent.

Here is something for you. Moderate your expectations. Moderate how you punish yourself. You always forget things when you leave the house in the morning? Okay, try to make check lists in your head that you turn into a habit by repetition. Then don't punish yourself, call yourself names or whatever, simply recognize that this has been normal for you, "There I go again", and then laugh at it (yourself). As your mental list becomes more firm, there will be fewer times to say "There I go again" and the matter starts to become a non-issue. You will forget fewer things when you start your day, and if you do it will no longer be a time for your personal conviction and flogging.

Address one issue at a time, and apply patience. You need to be patient with your assessment ("Hmm, was it really all that bad?"), and patient with your progress ("Okay, I've been living with this mistake for years, but only living with my effort to correct it for two weeks"). It is like fat, it didn't come on overnight, it won't go off overnight either. Patience--patience with yourself.

Answer 9

you have to make a choice to get better. choose to train and study on your own time to better yourself. Did you see resevoir dogs when the undercover cop was on the roof he said "you need a story and you need the details, you need to say it in such a manner." then he told a story and it was a very charismatic and well told story. You need to practice this. Practice a monolougue or communication skills. I just saw the movie "the breakup artist" and in the credits he's talking to himself in the mirror, it reminds me of the sims where they practice in the mirror.

Maybe you have to accept your a failure, then you can get better, realize that it's not working and time to try something else. It ain't easy and could take years but all these humans get by without even realizing it. So long as you're sincerely trying to make your world and your self a better place you are already one step ahead.

Answer 10

i don't believe anyone is born a failure. unfortunately, there are people who are naturally more clever, that's what i believe. however, everyone has the same potential to be at the top. some just have to work harder than others, that's all.

after failing that many times, if you pick yourself up and continue to strive to climb, that's what makes you a resilient person and a strong one. if you give up after failure then you will never be successful.

Answer 11

I know you must have heard this lot of time, tough time don't last forever but tough people do, well I had seen tough time and going through one and I know in future i am going to see more tough time, but I eventually know I will pass through it,

I am totally alone no gf, I don't have anyone to talk to, anyone to go back home to, anyone to do anything with, I had abusive childhood and bad youth,

some time I use to talk to myself and thing where I went wrong, I use to try not to get out of bed but you got to pay your bills, now when I wake up I think ok today is one more day to fight and win.

Just one day you will reach that point in your life when things stop mattering, you just start living in moment coz It won't come back again and when you will stop things about past or future everything will become positive in your life.

One day I read it someplace, weather you like it or not you have to live and if you are not going to run in a race how you will know if you can win it or not.

Just keep on running in the race everyone have there day, I know dogs do.

or find a good bf if you can and live upto him, not with him