I checked my husband's voicemail and heard a woman calling him baby among other things. She left 4 voicemails. When I asked him he said he just got her number but never cheated. He also confessed to taking another girl's number. What should I do?
2007-08-31 05:57:48 · 12 answers · asked by tasha j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Getting a girl's number is not the "tell all" as to whether he is unfaithful to you. Actually, if you assume he is cheating and he is being completely honest with you that he is not, it can do more unnecessary damage to start off. If you and he are willing to work it out, counseling may be appropriate. That way you get an unbiased third party view of the situation that might just put it into better perspective. Give him the benefit of the doubt if he still wants to make it work. Best of luck!
2007-08-31 06:08:34 · answer #1 · answered by Kim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You heard a female voice left on an answering service and questioned you husband. I hate to ask a question with a question, but is this truly the first time you have delt with a problem such as this. The reason I ask is because of the very idea of jumping to divorce. Divorce should never be taken lightly, and there are many things to consider. Are there children involved, do you both still communicate, can you actually have a civil conversation to get to the heart of the problem. Sorry the answer may be vague, but the question was limited, I do hope I gave you things to consider. Overall the decision is yours
2007-08-31 13:19:36 · answer #2 · answered by lucidwillow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey he confessed to cheating because if he did not cheat then why did he not tell you before you heard the messages and if he did not cheat why is he taking another woman's number that is not his wife? You know the truth and now the question is can you handle it? Your husband has been dishonest and I am sure there are now trust issues between you and him. If you feel you and your hubby can get through this then work it out for the sake of you marriage. Good luck to you and remember you deserve the best!
2007-08-31 13:25:15 · answer #3 · answered by Flyyasever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute. Here are some questions you should ask yourself to get u thinking in a different direction. This is ur husband not some random dude, right? Why is ur first instict to ask about divorce instead of talking things out or figuring out the root of your problems? Do you still love him and if so does he still love u? Have the two of you grown apart or is this just a faze? Would it better for u to stay together or end things? Is there anything strange about his behavior lately? What can you do to change what u think is going on? This has been my best approach to a cheating man, "Honey, I know you love me b/c ur here with me right now but if there is someone else u care for please be with them b/c is killing me to be the other woman. I truly feel I deserve better and if you're not going to give it to me let's prepare for separation. All I need from u right now is honesty... I don't want u to say what you think I want to hear... I really just need clarity for my own peace of mind. Approach it as levelheaded as you can and be prepared for whatever outcome... good luck hun!! But, let's assume he IS NOT cheating... he probably just bumped his head real hard and is confused about his reponsibilities ; )
2007-08-31 13:11:14 · answer #4 · answered by Benny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to tell you the truth so don't bother asking. Chances are if there's one then there's more. Whether he has cheated is something only he knows, but if he does not want to lose you, but still wants to screw around, he is not going to admit to cheating, even if he has. I cannot tell you what you should do because it is your life, but I can say this much. If you want to spend the rest of your marriage waiting for the other shoe to drop, then stay. If you want to be sick all the time wondering what's going on and have no trust...then stay. But if you want to prove you will not be a patsy, then leave. But before you do, make sure you have money in place to support yourself, make sure you have a job and can afford being on your own. If you can do all those things, then leave...because you will have a very lonely and miserable marriage if you stay in what you have now. I wish you all the best and remember this, when one door closes, another one opens. You deserve better.
2007-08-31 13:09:35 · answer #5 · answered by kikio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would divorce be the first thought that comes to your mind? Communicate with him. Find out what is going on.
Ask him; why does he have a need to get other women's' numbers if he has no intention of cheating? get to the root of the problem and if you have to, get some couples counseling. Marriages are ending on a scale of more than two to one now, because couples are just willing to give up at the first sign of trouble. True love will endure at least long enough to try to work out the problems.
Don't abandon ship until sinking is imminent.
2007-08-31 13:10:15 · answer #6 · answered by jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth did you get married? Only you can answer that but you should be asking why you got together, why you married and whether you think it is worth keeping.
First sign of trouble and you are already thinking divorce - You obviously got married for the wrong reasons because the only true reason to get married is "unconditional love.
Do not listen to the doom mongers on here - most of them women who will automatically say divorce.
You formed a partnership are you going to surrender to doubt or fight for your man?
I hope you fight to save your marriage and then live a great and happy life together!!!
2007-08-31 13:07:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
that's going to be up to you. i have recently gone through this same thing. i believe in second chances, but not third. if you really think the marriage is worth saving, give him another chance. however, he should be willing to do ANYTHING to save the marriage. so if you want total access to his cell phone, he should have no problem with that. some marriage counseling won't hurt either.
2007-08-31 13:10:07 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before heading to divorce why don't you tell him to stop taking numbers and if he continues say its disrespectful to you and threaten divorce...maybe he'll change his ways and divorce don't be necessary. It surprising how people will change if they know the outcome is bad.
2007-08-31 13:11:50 · answer #9 · answered by Chica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very wary. I remember my ex husband doing this, and also having IM conversations with this girl. I pretended to be my ex one day and had this whole long talk with her. When I finally confronted him, he denied that he even knew her!!!! Men lie lie lie......ok, most men do!
2007-08-31 13:05:19 · answer #10 · answered by dinny's engaged!! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋