My kid's father seems to think because we have kids that he has to know about every detail in my life! He basically tells me because I'm his kids mother he HAS to worry about everything I do. OMG! I am not his kid and if we're not together I shouldn't have to deal with his BS anymore. I feel like he expects me to always come him when something is going on. Oh and did I mention that it's been more that a year since our split and I'm married to someone else! But still I'm arguing my kid's father like if we're still together. It's crazy!! If anyone else has had this problem and has solved it please give me some advice.
2007-08-31 05:21:09 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My ex tried to pull this crap on me in the beginning of our divorce and he brainwashed our kids into telling him every little detail of what went on here. It would infuriate me because he'd accuse me of taking child support money and buying a new car which pissed me off because I did nothing of the sort...not to mention the guy doesn't pay enough for me to buy a car or any other luxury with it. I brought it up to him a few times and told him to stop telling the kids stuff that wasn't true. Being the manipulator that he is, he denied ever saying those things. It got to the point where I had to keep telling my kids to stop taking what went on here and bringing it there because it was none of their father's business what I did with my life, so long as I was not putting the kids in any danger. You need to put your foot down NOW! Unless it has to do directly with your kids, he has no business knowing what you do. The only things he needs to know about is their medical and educational situations. You're situation is very similar to mine. I am divorced over 6 years and remarried for 3.5 and yet this crap still goes on. With time it starts to go away and my new husband had to go out front one day and set my ex straight. But my ex still talks trash about us to my kids. There's not a whole heck of alot I can do but to just look at where it's coming from. He's never moved on and it's been over 6 years. He has not dated once since we've been separated because he says "it's not fair to the kids". My advice to you is to tell your ex to butt out of your life once and for all and to move on with his. Tell him that there is nothing you are doing to jeopardize your children's health or future and that if there is anything pressing that he needs to know, you are more than willing to keep him abreast of those things. Other than that tho, your private life is none of his concern.
2007-08-31 05:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by kikio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to agree a little. I mean he does have kids and what you do with your life does
effect them. So depending on what it is he's "trying to control" he might have a right.
My ex worries alot about what im doing. I think its a good thing. Is it annoying? Yeah but
its sure better then some friends I know who don't have a father involved at all. Besides with all
do respect maybe he is questioning your judgment because you married someone
after only about a year? Wow I don't even let guys meet my son for about 3 months! With
all the wackos and pedophiles you have to be careful. Just as an example and im not saying your new husband
has ANY problems...but how would you act to your ex if the woman he chose was extremely questionable in your eyes and you didn't want them around her? Legally you have no grounds so you could do nothing...keep in mind it might bother him that another guy is there with his kids...I LIKE the girl my ex is dating and I HATE the fact my beautiful son is around her acting as STEP-MOM. Its just a natural jealousy I think...so be open-minded to him
2007-08-31 06:01:56 · answer #2 · answered by ~Mrs Ali~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You chose to have kids with this guy. You have to deal with it now. Simply avoiding him, pretending to be busy, being dishonest about things ect. only sets a bad example for your kids and will show your kids how to act this way, towards their dad or YOU! If you have already remarried, there is a chance your children feel sad for their father. Since he is "left out" of the family. Make exchanges brief, and only discuss issues out of the presence of children. Choose your fights carefully. When he asks you questions, if the subject could impact your children then you should most likely answer. If it has nothing to do with your kids, simply ask him why he needs to know that info? How is it in any way related to the kids? It will take a while to solve this problem....sometimes years for a split couple to settle differences. When your kids move out on there own is when he won't care about what you do. A good dad definitely wants to know whats going on with his kids mother. Or he's a controlling freak that you can avoid most of the time. ONLY YOU KNOW WHICH ONE.
2007-08-31 05:56:30 · answer #3 · answered by Mo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you have to keep him informed about are his children and tell him if he continues to give you a hard time about other things ,that you will have to get a restraining order against him,and maybe there is a third party that can be a go between for the two of you so that when he gets the kids you won't even have to deal with him. Each State have different laws but you can check with your local Police department and see what your options are.
Good Luck
2007-08-31 05:33:19 · answer #4 · answered by barbie doll 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult question because although I feel empathy towards your situation, you must understand that this man is a part of your life forever; and even more so until your child turns 18.
Creating a child brings a lifelong commitment not only to the child, but also to the individual you created the child with. This ex-husband of yours wants to be involved in the life of your child, and has every moral and legal right to do so.
You are the child's mother, and as such, you influence your child's future... for better or for worse. This means that the father of your child not only has a right to know everything that is going on, but indeed an obligation to do so. You should also know all the details of his life as well.
There are obvious limits such as, for example, knowing the intimate details of your sex life with your current husband is none of his business. But he has a right to know about anything that could potentially impact on his child.
2007-08-31 05:28:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
he is still the biological father of your child thus he has by law the same rights as you to raise talk see and intervein in his kids life. Unfortunatly in alot of break ups the kid finds himself alone or between parents and usually ends up with phsycological problems, My advise to you is to let the real father be in his life because one day he will need to know his real father ,so the poor soul will not end up alone and abandoned in his phycological world ,a kid always needs a father and a mother to grow up in this world naturally, thats whats wrong with the world nowadays the kids always pay for the parents mistakes( unfortunatly )
2007-08-31 05:35:05 · answer #6 · answered by booker_52 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he is wrong. He has the right to know about his kids (where they attend school, when the school open houses are, what grades they get, and how their medical physicals go). He doesn't have any right to ask about you or your life except as it pertains to the children. Do not argue with him. When he starts asking questions that do not pertain to the kids, tell him it's none of his business and hang up.
2007-08-31 05:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop the arguments. Tell him that he has a right to know about the kids, but that everything else in your life is none of his business. Tell him that if he begins to argue with you or talk about anything but the kids, you will break off contact until he is ready to discuss the kids and the kids only.
Then stick to it!
2007-08-31 05:27:33 · answer #8 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the situation is giving you a headache tell him with all honesty what you feel. Release that burden in your heart.It's been a year, tell him "Give me
a break, i am the mother, the kids are with me, like you I know what's best for them, and you're not my husband anymore. Stop treating me like this, i have my own life and
I deserve to be happy."
Be courageous.
2007-08-31 05:35:40 · answer #9 · answered by bubblespb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about your situation, but with my ex-wife, I had the problem where she wouldn't tell me anything. She wouldn't keep me up to date about my kids' schooling and what not. She never even told me she had remarried. While I never expected to know every detail of her life, I did feel I had a reasonable expectation to know about things that affected my kids' lives - such as her getting married.
2007-08-31 05:28:53 · answer #10 · answered by Justin H 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋