I need a Christian viewpoint on if I am over-reacting....?

Question

Before my husband and I got married, we agreed that porn, dirty magazines....ect.....were not good for our marriage. Well, my husband used to have a problem with porn, but he says he no longer does. He used to also buy maxim, stuff....ect. Well, here lately, he has argued with me that the things in those type of magazines are not bad, and that he doesn't like to read them for the half naked/naked girls that are in them. Well, it really bothers me that he thinks like that because I am thinking he wants to get back into that kind of stuff. Am I over-reacting for being so hurt. Serious answers only please....I realize that some of you see nothing wrong with porn and dirty magazines, but I do think that they are wrong, and there is no way I will change my opinion of these things.

Oh, and I know that it is natural for a guy to look at a womans beauty when he see's it, but I do however, think that it is very wrong for a married man to lust sexually over another woman...which is what he would be doing if he bought those dirty mags.

Answer 1

its OK to not want your husband to lust over any woman's body, but really its just natural. If he didn't look at a magazine he will think it in his head. You cant get in there and shut that off. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or god, it just means his hormones are working correctly. Its not wrong to voice your opinion about it, but to harp on the subject and bring brimstone and hell fire on his head about it will really put a rift between you and him, it may drive him to do it more. There is a fine line when you walk this path between nature and god. As long as he isn't blatantly doing it, I wouldn't get after him about it. It is just Maxim. There really are good articles there. elive me it would be you as the one show severe distrust and self esteem issues if you were to freak about Maxim. He's with you. he loves you, he loves god, hes not plotting a rampant affair.
Just maybe sneak in a comment like, better pray extra hard at church today, on you sunday morning outting.

Answer 2

What you are saying is that since you don´t like it that god should change the biology of the human male just for you. Guys need sex and variety. Sex is the 3rd strongest drive in the male of the species right after breathing and eating. But you don´t like porn. Too bad. It has been a part of the species since they discovered the difference between male and female. It sounds like he is trying to be straight forward with you. How about if you step down off your pedestal a bit for him. if not he will do it behind your back or he will start going to strip clubs or start an affair. Its just the way it is. The stats say that 80% of men and 60% of women have affairs or cheat in some manner. Might as well get it above board rather than keep it hidden.

Answer 3

Your viewpoint is correct and is documented in the gospel when Jesus clearly states, "he who looks at another woman with lust in his has committed adultery." It doesn't say, except magazines, etc. . .

You're husband should see your pastor and let him explain to him why pornography destroys marriages and that none of it is harmless.

Of course you are hurt, you want to be his girl and that means he should only look at you with lust in his eye - most men just don't comprehend that as they think differently then we do. However, as a christian, he knows better and perhaps some christian men can help him understand that this is wrong.

The only other thing I would suggest is telling him that it would hurt you terribly inside and that the pain is very intense. I would ask him to keep his promise about not utilizing these magazines. I would ask if he would die without them or if it would cause him to hurt real bad if he couldn't have them. As your husband, and as a christian, he is to not do things if it should harm another or cause them to stubmle, even if it wouldn't harm him. It's like not drinking in front of a newly recovered alcoholic - if we cause that person to stumble because we are selfish - then we are the one that committed the sin and will be held accountable by God.

Good luck. This is a tough issue and more marriages have been destroyed by this issue. I wish pastors would spend more time on this particular topic so that men would know that it is wrong and it goes against God's word.

Answer 4

I a christian woman who has been married and divorced, and I will say to you that it is our job as wives to stand up and say when we think something is wrong. But we also have to know that our husbands may not get the revelation until later. Porn is wrong....it does bring the element of the flesh into your marriage. Sex and desire is something that should be shared between two people who love each other. It is not meant to be strictly carnal, but spiritual. If your husband lusts for these women then he is letting his flesh rule him. Besides why even open the door to that sin, read some articles out of a real magazine. He knows...you just have to wait until he's ready to admit it...and pray about it.

Answer 5

I really agree lust is a sin no matter what the form. An sin can cause a wide array of things in a household. From the smallest little thing to the largest. Before you know it it has got ton out of hand an the devil has soon taken over the home and the family. Replace the porn with family time reading the Word of God!

Answer 6

okay to begin lust goes far deeper than a passing glance at a picture in a magazine. if you look it up in a strongs you will find to lust means to burn for or pine for another. now, if he fixated on one particular woman, i would agree that would constitue lust.

with his past, he may be using these softer mags as a means to fill the void. see the problem with addictions/compulsions is to stay away from a given thing you almost have to replace it with something else. he may very well see these as a harmless alternative to full-blown porn.

in the end relationships are negotiated. this is something you two need to work out and reach some form of compromise. if he has given up porn entirely, perhaps it is your turn to give some? maxim is far from hustler.

Answer 7

There are really two issues here. Your faith and values and his promises before marriage. If YOU feel disrespected by having porn in your home, and he promised before marriage not to bring that to the house, then he is being very disrespectful for going back on his word. He married you knowing your feelings and he told you he'd behave appropriately. (He can always look at porn at the barber shop.) While some folks may think porn is just fine, that isn't the question here. It's whether your husband can so easily break a promise he made to you before marriage.

Answer 8

as a Man and as a Christian
I understand all to well how addicting porn and yes even so called soft porn is.
Do not let your conviction be dulled by the nay Sayers and those that are deceived into thinking that its "okay" It is Not Okay!!
When a man holds onto anything that either comes between him and his Wife or more importantly His God... He looses intimacy with both. The blessings stop flowing Because God will not and can not look upon sin and we grieve the Holy Spirit.
Secondly.. just as there were grave consequences for Adam and Eve.. that we still live with.... ie.. pain in child birth, there are consequences for our Will full sin. Yes and Amen.. we are forgiven if confess them to Christ and we repent. But we may live with the consequences for the rest of our lives. Such as if a man cheats on his wife, he may be forgive... but he will always carry the burden of mistrust and the division in his relationship.
We are called to lay down our lives for Christ "Daily" and to take up our Cross and follow Christ. Salvation is Life, a life style, a daily choice. Believing is more than accepting the truth as truth. In the context of Scripture it is also our act of obedience.

Answer 9

A) There are some really good articles in Playboy and Maxxim. They have sections on advice, jokes and humor, electronice, wine and many other things that are non sexual.

B) What is your definition of a "problem" with porn? Was he a certified addict who was looking at porn to the exclusion of all else or was he just occasionally looking at porn? There is a difference between an addict and someone who just enjoys porn once in a while.

C) You think its wrong, he does not. You cannot make decisions for him regarding morality and taste.

D) If you make an issue out of this, he will likely look at porn behind your back and lie to you about it.

So, yes, I think you are both overreacting and encouraging him to keep his sexual thought and desires to himself. He will not be able to completely share his sexual sidew with you because he will be afraid that you will react badly.

I look at porn with my husband and we look at porn seperately. We've been married for 4 years, together for 7 years and our marriage is still going strong. Porn does not destroy marriage. A spouses views on porn can destroy a marriage. There is a difference.

I think the Biblical quotes need to be taken in context. There were no photos then. Jesus was worried about a man looking at another woman and wanting to have sex with her. A real woman who he meets socially, that he could be tempted to commit adultry with. These are photos of a woman that your husband will never see in his real life.

Answer 10

If you and your husband agreed that those things should be kept out of your marriage, then he needs to stick to that agreement... Explain to him how it makes you feel. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. He might honestly not have a problem with it anymore. Doubtful, but possible... I don't know how your love life is, but maybe you could try to spice things up so that he doesn't feel the need for porn?? In answer to your question though, No, I don't think that you are overreacting. Especially since it's a subject that was discussed prior to your marriage...