Shall I get a divorce?

Question

My husband has always been a lazy slacker. He's interested in all kinds of games, such as video games, making models, chess games,etc. He's chauvinistic, thinking women should do all the housework. He often wears dirty clothes to work with messy hair. I feel disgusted and hate him. Besides, we're sexually unharmonious. Not one in a year. Should I get a divorce?

Answer 1

Get a divorce if:
You've talked to him till you are blue in the face and he still won't change
You've tried every avenue and no change

If your husband has always been like this, why did you marry him in the first place? What drew you to him? Is there anything he could do to change your mind about divorce? If you answer "There is absolutely nothing he could do" then I think you should go ahead and get one. But make sure you have really given him a chance to change or have his say before you do anything drastic. Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

Have you talked to your husband and let him know that you are feeling ignored and unloved by his lack of attention? Have you told him you feel overwhelmed with all the housework and would appreciate it if he would take over some chores? Have you let him know that going to work dressed in dirty clothes and with messy hair will cause others to think that he doesn't care about his hygiene?

It's hard to tell the truth when we really don't know what the truth is - sit down and think about what it is you are really feeling - one thing is definitely unloved and taken for granted. Then think about why. Then ask yourself what do you do to make your husband feel loved? Amazingly enough, most guys don't think doing their laundry, cleaning or cooking are expressions of love and respect. When was the last time you complimented him on something he DID do. When was the last time you just gave him a big hug and kiss and told him that you loved him?

We always want the other person to change. Which, by the way, we can't change them. What you can do, is sit down and think about what YOU can do to make your marriage better and start acting and talking that way and before too long, your husband will begin to reciprocate and he will probably dress better and spend less time on his hobbies. He will also be more inclined to help you if you would phrase your requests as "Would you consider vacuuming the living room today?" as that is phrased as a question and therefore, he has the choice. Most people respond more favorably to would you or will you, rather than can you, or, get off your lazy *** and help me clean the house.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Since when is this grounds for divorce? Sounds like you've given up on your marriage. Well guess what? You are the jerk here. I bet his list about you would be just as ugly. You hate him, you feel disgusted. These are not words of a loving wife. I think you need some help working through this. So what if he likes all those things, I bet you used to admire him for those. His chauvinistic? Because he probably expects you to HELP him like wash his clothes and maybe with some other things so he can have time to comb his hair? I could go on..but I know you know that you are the one that needs help here. You'll just treat the next guy the same anyway.

Answer 4

if he has always been lazy, why is this a problem now. I'm sure he has had the same issues going on when you dated him. How long have you been married. I know at least a year, since there had been no intercourse.
Me personally I don't believe in divorce(hope kids aren't involved)...this is a big problem with our society, when we are unhappy and things don't seem to go our way, we find an easy way out.
I think your husband my need some MOTIVATION from you. Give him some INSPIRATION, if i need to give you some examples, you just may need to take a break.(Separation, not Divorce).

Answer 5

Well, why is your husband like this? Has he always been like this? Does he want a divorce? Do you have children together?

It may be that your husband is very unhappy as well. My first suggestion would be marriage counseling. Talk to him, tell him he is losing you and suggest you attend counseling together to save your marriage. Let him know you are serious...if he won't go...you go anyway. Get some objective advice about how to handle the fact that your husband is a big, undisciplined kid. Then you can know if divorce is the right action.

Answer 6

If this man was always like this, you should not have married him at all. People don't change habits they've had all their lives just because they got married.

By your harsh comments, it sounds as though you not only no longer love him, but you do not like him either. With that many complaints, you don't give any reason to stay. Bottom line is the decision is yours. I think reading your question over again may help. Good luck.

Answer 7

Have you tried talking to him and telling him about the things that turn you off about him? Maybe if you are subtle and kind about it.. he might try to change. But, if you feel disgusted and unsatisfied by him.. you have to ask yourself whether or not YOU really want to work this marriage out. Sometimes people grow apart. It happens. If you aren't happy at all..and don't see a compromise or an immediate change .. by all means.. get out of the marriage. Best of luck.

Answer 8

I wouldn't want to live with him. He is lazy, chauvinistic, dirty and I don't know what else. Sounds gross to me. Life is for the living, participate in it, be happy, be kind and first of all take care of yourself. I would probably run out of the front door.

Answer 9

I would try counseling first. If you don't share the same values and want the same things for your futures then you have to decide if his inability to live up to your beliefs is worth working on. I know from experience that it takes two to make a marriage work. That is why I am divorced.
I wish you luck.

Answer 10

Did all of these qualities come out in him after you married him? If not, why did you marry him? If you take marriage seriously, you owe it to yourself and him to try to talk things out before jumping right into a divorce.