How do I breakaway from a forbidden relationship?

Question

I'm an educated woman with a decent upbringing. Hot stuff my friends say. I project an image that charrms people of all walks of life, BUT with a deep dark secret: I have fallen for a married guy. Tough for me, but I couldn't just break away. He's a poor guy, not college grad, and extremely good-looking. Whenever somebody eligible comes along, I'd feel guilty of two-timing , so I'd abruptly put an end to a good prospect. I get scared whenever someone is in dire pursuit of me. I get more interested with a reserved guy, someone who's hard to crack, who'd keep me guessing, am I the only one. There are times tho' when I'd prefer not to see this current boyfriend, when things get too comfy. This mood swing confuses me. Is it simply a woman's physiological imbalance? I wish I'd meet a soulmate who would make me feel complete. Or would I still stand a chance of finding one? I'm a nice person, in gen terms, nurturing, in fact, a top exec, intellectual, but lost. Oh, am separated, btw

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you're hung up on the ideal of the unattainable. You are currently "in love" with a man who cannot be completely yours, and you say in your post that you prefer guys who are reserved -- IOW, guys whom you have to pursue instead of having them pursue you.

Tell me, was your father absent or emotionally unavailable when you were growing up? The relationship pattern that you describe is common among women who have experienced that. The misconception is that you have to "earn" love from a man who doesn't offer it freely. This bit of emotional baggage is a huge barrier to forming healthy relationships.

I suggest counseling from a professional to help you identify those "old tapes" (past experiences) that drive your behavior without your knowledge or consent. Once you know what the old tapes are you can stop playing them -- instead make some new tapes that will lead you to the kind of healthy love that you deserve.

Answer 2

You need to convince yourself that you deserve better than a married guy. That relationship is not going to take you anywhere and it's not right. It doesn't matter if the person you are with is rich or poor, educated or not, what matters is in the inside. Their feelings about life and you. It seems like you have a bright future, but you are setting a cloud over it with a relationship that is not going to give you anything good at the end and even right now it's not giving you anything good since you're confused. You'll feel complete when you are comfortable with yourself. You don't need anybody to make you feel complete. A partner is a just that, a partner to share your life with and theirs with you. You have to make sure you accept yourself before you can accept someone else in your life.

Answer 3

Your in lust, hon, and selling yourself short. As well, wasting your time. When a married guy cheats, it's just booty time. And when a person just separated is fooling with a married guy, it is just getting your balance... rather like dating a priest.

You find another guy.... Yahoo Personals, Match and others. Let the computer do the sorting. You'll meet nice people, as well as some nut cases, just like some sitting next to you in church.

And by the way that you describe yourself, you could truly benefit from some two or three sessions of counseling to find out why you choose unacceptable and inappropriate matches... Take a note pad with you... You are in for a big education....Best money you will ever spend.

Answer 4

First off get the divorce finalized - separation is good if you think there is a chance of getting back together, doesn't sound like that's going to happen. Second, if this guy you're interested in is married, keep away from him, in the end it'll be destructive to everyone involved. If he divorces, then you can pursue things with him. As to finding a "soul mate", it sounds as if you're in conflict with yourself- you want someone who's not too into you, but you want someone to make you feel complete. You're fighting yourself. Work out your own emotions and figure out what you really want. You might need to see a counselor to help you see things straight- there is no shame in that. You'll never find happiness until you know what you really want.

Answer 5

He isn't available to you. Leave the man alone. He isn't yours after all.. he is married. Sounds to me like you are a very intelligent woman. You enjoy a challenge. Maybe you should try finding that in a man who isn't someone Else's. There are plenty of men in this world who posses all the qualities you are looking for. So, yes you stand a chance of finding one. Get counseling for your own hang ups before you start jumping in to relationships with married men (or any man for that matter). You will feel better about yourself in the long run and find out why exactly it is that you do what you do.

Answer 6

I think your more in need of a psychologist then advice from folks here. It seems like you are only in a relationship with this married, poor, non college grad only because he is less then you are and subconsciously you think you can control the situation better cause you have any upper hand.

An other view is that you have set yourslef up to avoid a relationship and use your current one as an excuse.

Answer 7

You've set yourself up to avoid commitment. That's what you need to work on. I suggest cutting off all romantic relationships until you get it figured out.

Answer 8

so the guy is married right, doesn't that answer your question! he isn't available to you. sounds like you should just stick with casual dating, nothing in anyway permanent.

Answer 9

Sounds like it's the challange that excites you. Once your challange has been met, you lose interest.

Answer 10

Seems like you are going by looks!