What do I do?

Question

I am in need of some serious advice. I am a stay st home mom and my husband is the only one bringing in any income. We live at his parents house since he doesn't make much money and we couldn't afford to pay the bills we already have otherwise. Now I find out nothing is getting paid anyway. I'm getting calls all day from collectors about this and that and I am completely in the dark. I just assume that since he is getting paid and we have no money that it is going to these bills. To the $500 a month car he insists on having, his $175 insurance payment, his 3 credit cards that he himself maxed out and a loan he took out a few years back. I have insisted on working and he flips out saying we absolutely can't put the baby in daycare and he just doesn't have the patience to take care of her while I work at night and on the weekends. I don't know what to do about this. It's just killing my nerves. He won't get a secong job or bend on anything.

Not only are we behind on bills but I can no longer bear living at his parents house. I try and try to get things together but he just isn't doing what he is supposed to do. He also spends $200 a month at WaWa for lunch when he can just pack a lunch and says he doesn't pack it because I won't make it for him. I have enough on my plate, I think he can make his own lunch. What would you do if you were me? I'm at my wits end.

Plus, all I ever spend is on food for me and the baby. We get WIC so we don't spend on formula . So I'm sitting here in his parents disgusting house all day, eating hot pockets 2 meals a day since they were on sale and dealing with these creditors while he is out driving his $30,000 car and eating out breakfast and lunch.

to you can do it
how dare you say shame on me! I didn't put us in this position and how can you judge like that without walking a day in my shoes. I asked for advice not to be made to feel worse. I guess you're better than me since you run yourself crazy doing all your single mom, school, work stuff. So when do you ever get to see your children? Shame on you

I have tried to handle the finances but his check goes right into his personal bank account which I can't access. I consolidated all the credit cards and such so that would be easier to get paid off. I do try...he just doesn't comply and turns it into something else. Like "hey Joe, why didnt the car payment get paid?"
and his response will be "stop whining, you always whine. You're f****** nuts!" I just think he is slowly losing it

Answer 1

Yipes. There are a lot of bad signs in your post. He can't handle the baby? That's crap. He chooses not to. He isn't a good husband. My advice sucks. Leave him.

Answer 2

If I were you, I would get a job anyway, no matter what he says. He obviously can't support his family by himself. He's going to have to find the patience to sit at home with your daughter or have his parents watch her, or be o.k. with her in daycare. It looks like he's just trying to find excuses. I'm sure he sees he is doing such a bad job and taking care of you guys, that he's afraid if you go to work, you will either leave him, or find someone else. You can try and reassure him, and say you will only work until the bills are paid off. I don't know about a divorce, I don't know if you want one, but he can try and put some of these bills on you, unless the judge will make him pay it off. It's so sad because both of your credit is shot, the only way to get it back, is take over finances.

Answer 3

I am having a hard time understanding this situation.It sound like you married a very irresponsible self centered person who is the cause of this whole situation.But than you say that you refuse to make his lunch even though it would save$200 a month .My advice to you is this .
1.Both of you are going to have to make sacrifices to keep the spending under control.
2.You will have get a job to help pay all the bills and save some money.
3.Move out of your in-laws home because you sound so unhappy living there that you marriage will not survive much longer.

I just read the additional details.Think about filling for a divorce before it is to late.This man is completely immature and I don't think he is responsible enough to face the reality of the situation.You cannot fix this problem because you cant control his personal account.This guy sounds like a spoiled brat that never grew up.

Answer 4

Agreeing on finances is very important in a marriage. So is being willing to be responsible and make necessary sacrifices for the good of the family.

Your husband isn't being responsible and he is not making sacrifices for the good of your family. If he keeps going like this, you will never have a home of your own, a retirement, money to pay for things the kids need and their education etc.

I would tell him it is quite simple. Either he get his finances together, pays down the debt, lives on a budget and take responsibility for the care of your child while you work or he can live with mommy and daddy while you and the baby live elsewhere and he pays child support.

Get a job. Arrange a sitter/daycare. Often, the state aid programs will cover daycare expenses. Save your money and move out. Either he gets his life straight and takes on the responsibility of a married man and father or you file for divorce and find a real man.

If it were me, I would be furious and disgusted that my husband cannot care for his own child, live on a budget, pay off debt or even pack his own lunch. He sounds like he is selfish, immature and very irresponsible.

Answer 5

You have to sit down and talk to him. Where has the money been going? It's obviously going somewhere else. Honestly if he's not willing to stop his spending and you guys are only sinking deeper into debt you'll have to find outside help. At the very least he has to be willing to watch the kid while you work. You have the patience to watch them the entire day, he can handle watching them at night. If he refuses to change his ways or help out, threaten divorce and be willing to follow through. Spend this time to set yourself up in case it comes to that. You have no job, no money and no place to live, start squirrelling money to the side.

If you think he'll go for hardcore, take over the money, you should have been in the loop about where it's going to begin with. Take it over, take his cards and cut them up and give him and yourself an allowance. Put yourself in control of the money and it's distribution if you can.

Answer 6

You both need to sit down and discuss the financial problems and deal with them right now. He is unable to handle the finances and you need to take them over immediately. Start a budget, contact the creditors and make arrangements to pay them back. It will mean that you will need to get a job of some sort to catch up. He needs a douse of reality and not the fantasy world he is living in. Get talking and working on fixing the credit problems. If he is not willing to listen to you, cut up the credit cards; you are as responsible for their payments as he is. This is fixable and you can do it, but only if he is willing to sacrafice his high life.

Answer 7

You need to put your foot down, missy! He's is totally ruining your relationship and your life! Tell him you want to sit down and make a budget to get the bills paid off; no more credit cards (if you can't afford to pay cash you don't need it); save for your own place; and put healthy food on the table. He can pack his lunch, you bet. I don't know too many people eating out 2 meals every day. Tell him you want to take over the bills so they get paid because he has a problem handling his money and he's not alone, many people do. He'll be lucky to have you handling the money so you guys can get your heads above water. He is being rediculous and immature and self-centered. Let him throw a fit, you get a job!! You guys need the money.

Answer 8

Wow girl you are in a bad spot. First of all what a selfish guy.!!!.
If you keep going in the direction you are ,you will be bankrupt, and forever stuck at the in laws or divorced. Not good. It sounds like your husband is controlling,and immature with finances. If you get a job at a day care you are allowed you have your child with you and or close by. It will give you a job and be with your child (no excuses from your husband). I know you love you hubby but , Tell him if he doesn't start putting You and your baby first you are leaving . Move in with your parents, family or friends. I was in a similar situation. Now Divorced from him . Hope this helps.

Answer 9

wow. YOu have a serious husband issue. I don't think he respects you. Its really difficult to deal with a person like this and you need outside help. What about your family are they close? are you able to get help from them? I think you need to leave this man to prove a point. Maybe a church could help they will do a lot of things for free. Some friend you could let watch your child so you can go off and find a place to stay or something? You guys need some counseling and help soon or you are gonna lose it. I feel your pain I am going through a lot with my husband and child too. My husband is very selfish he feels like its okay for him to go off bet on football, get tattoos, waste money on games and then I get to do nothing, no fun. Selfishness on these men's parts is not right. I would go try to find somewhere else to stay with your daughter, go find some counseling and tell him you need to buck up buddy or WE are out of here for good.

Answer 10

First of all, I think you should pack him some kind of lunch so that he does not have an excuse to go out to lunch. I understand you have enough on your plate, but you also have to give him the tools to do what you want him to do. Remember that men won't do what we want them to do if we don't make it easier for them. They also don't think the way we do and don't communicate like us. Also, be more involved in where the money goes. My husband and I have separate checking accounts, but we always account to each other where our money goes. If money is tight, normally I pack lunch for him and me. We don't have kids, but both of us work full-time and I also try to come home and cook after work. It's a hard task, but it helps us both. In regards to living situation, you and your husband should've talked about it before getting married and even before having a child.

Answer 11

If you work, you can pay day care yourself. He's obviously spending the money he makes, and thinks it's ok, since he's the only one working. Neither one of you can take care of yourselves, and that's a shame. The fact that neither one of you are doing anything to better the situation makes it worse. You have to question what kind of father he is when he complains about having to take care of his child if you worked nights and weekends. What about your parents or other family? Can you move in with someone else so you can try to get on your feet? Grandma's shouldn't complain about babysitting just so you have a chance to get on your feet.

It's arrogant of you to insult the home you are staying in for free. Where would you be if it weren't for his parents.