Birth control, condoms and men: Are my assumptions correct?

Question

My partner, who is in all practical matters my husband, has just been informed that the birth control pills is around 99% effective once again. I explained to him that means that anywhere from 1 in every 100 to 200 women get pregnant while using 'the pill' perfectly, taking it at the exact same time everyday.

I have been urging him to get a vasectomy or at the very least use condoms less grudgingly. I know, condoms sucks. I hate them too and find reduced pleasure, but what is with men and not understanding that pregnancy is worse than reduced sexual pleasure?? I mean, he was there when we went through that unwanted pregnancy! He didn't like it either, but his sex drive leads to illogical decisions that I only made while experience a 'manic' reaction to antidepressants. Men are so easy!!

Are my assumptions correct?

Answer 1

You are up against he ego. I think it needs to be taken down a notch or two.

No amount of pleasure is worth getting pregnant. You just need to tell him that he is not getting any sex unless some kind of birth control is used.

I had a vasectomy at age 21, with no children (that was the plan). I never even knew what sex felt like without a condom until I was almost 23. Even today I still use them. They feel the same as “bear back”. You might say condoms are no big deal once you are used to them. That is if you are using quality condoms. If you buy the Chinese or Indian made ones then they are not very comfortable. That is because they use low quality latex, and must make them thicker.

Maybe it is time to find a new man.

BTW: I can think of two ways he may “smart off”:

If he says that condoms are too tight, because they don’t make them big enough (I have hear women complain that their man says this), then tell him, “Objects are smaller than they appear”. He is full of $--t.!

He may also argue that a vasectomy is painful, risky, or something like that. I have heard this mentioned from men whom have tattoos and body piercing. Both tattoos and body piercing are far more risky than ten vasectomies.

Answer 2

It can be worse than you think. I am the mother of a 13 year old kid because I took antibiotics on the pill and was not informed that they could lower the effectiveness of the pill. So, before taking ANY medication, even over the counter neds, make sure they will not effect the pill.

Beyond that, the pill is hormone based BC and many doctors try to give the lowest dose possible to reduce side effects. Lower doses can mean less effective.

If you do not want children, please use a back up method...just to be safe. If you are sure you both never want children, maybe a vasextomy or a tubal ligation is in order.

My ex husband had a vasectomy. He had the laser procedure. We made the appointment, the doctor performed the procedure in under an hour including prep and we left a few minutes later. The wound was the size of a pencil eraser and he said there was very little pain.

After we divorced, I had another child and then got my tubes tied. Again, the procedure was quick, not very painful and over. I will never have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy and that was worth a lil discomfort.

Answer 3

While there is still a small chance of unwanted pregnancy with the pill, it's more effective than condoms. Last I heard, the pill ran around 98% to 99% efficiency while condoms tested out around 85% or so.

The risk of pregnancy rises with inconsistant or improper use of the methods at hand, of course, but both are considered very effective methods of avoiding pregnancy.

The only way to be 100% certain, though, is for one or both of you to bite the bullet and have surgery. He can have a vasectomy or you can have your tubes tied. If you're absolutely certain you never want children and he won't consider a vasectomy (which is far the easier operation and doesn't even require a hospital stay), then you might want to look into a more permanent solution on your end.

And yes, you are correct about 'per cent' meaning 'per 100.' And yes, that means out of those who take it properly and consistantly there will be the occasional failure.

Answer 4

It appears that you have a very good understanding of the thinking process. The goal is immediate gratification without any concern for the consequences.

I also think that men think that if the woman doesn't have that abortion, he can walk away or leave the state, if he feels like it and he won't be held accountable. You have to locate him and serve him with papers. Then he can avoid showing up to court for the case. An arrest warrant can be issued for "contempt" and this probably has no bearing unless he comes to the attention of the police in some other way.

A lot of men have been tackled by the court system, so it is hard to understand that men still operate this way.

What you could do is track your periods and not have sex without a condom the time during the month when you can get pregnant. Another alternative is to simply avoid sex during that time of month.

I did the above and it worked perfectly well until a guy convinced me to have sex while using a condom during the time of the month I could conceive. I now have a son as a result of this. The dad did not want to pay child support and I didn't make him knowing that he would try to get out of it anyway. He sued me in my former county when I moved into a county that awards back child support. He got stuck with paying both current and back child support. He fraudulently transfered all of his assets to his family members and attempted to have them sold so he could avoid the back child support payment. He managed to get himself fired from a few jobs. In my state, a father can get himself fired by committing crimes on the job or by coming to work in an altered state and the child support award is reduced!!! So, knowing that the law is often enough on the side of the bad probably emboldens these guys to have unprotected sex.

Answer 5

Not knowing his age, or whether either of you have children, then I can't comment on the vasectomy. If he hasnt got children and he is a relatively young man, I can certainly understand why he wouldnt want a vasectomy. If you havent got any children and you really dont want any, then maybe the best bet is for you to go and have your tubes cut and tied. It certainly would be a lot easier for him to have a vasectomy, but it seems you are dead set against getting pregnant....more so than him, so maybe you have to take care of this yourself. I have known of many women getting pregnant on the pill, so I dont believe the statistics. You can get a depro proveria shot every 3 months which will stop your period.....I found this to be a very successful way of preventing pregnancy. Although if you are on it for a long time, it can really stuff your body around. Instead of you worrying and getting angry at why he doesnt want to use condoms (and I can understand why he doesnt), then getting your tubes cut and tied seems to be the next best thing.

Answer 6

I am sooooo pro-vasectomy! i hate the idea of putting extra hormones into my body, and there's nothing worse than being in the heat of the moment and have to stop to locate and apply a condom. vasectomies are so much less invasive than a hysterectomy. i think that most men should be encouraged (major tax breaks or other incentives) to freeze some stuff and have a vasectomy at about 18! think how many unwanted pregnancies would be prevented! everything would cost less and the welfare system wouldn't be stretched to the breaking point. my husband is pretty much on board with the idea of a vasectomy. it's so nice to know that someone else feels this way too!!

Answer 7

Hormones often outweight logic, unfortunately. Although I've never been uncomfortable using just hormonal b/c with a partner I felt 'safe' with. The only time I require condoms in addition, is if I'm unsure they are disease free.

Yes, there is a tiny chance of pregnancy on hormonal birth control...but I've been taking that risk since I was 18 and I'm 42 now. I'm not much of a gambler, but that's one I'm willing to take for my own pleasure as well as my partner's. I switched from the pill do Depo Provera over a decade ago, and it's been great...and no PMS or periods!

I don't blame guys for not liking condoms, they are a total drag. Perhaps you would consider using a spermacidal foam instead of a condom, for your 'backup' b/c so your man could enjoy the fleshly pleasures just a bit more. ☺

Answer 8

Not entirely. I never realized this- but apparently, sterilization ain't all it's cracked up to be either, haha. I looked up on the FDA site and found a very interesting statistic: The lowest expected pregnancy rate (with perfect use) for the pill and male sterilization? Both 0.1%. So, apparently you're about as safe as you're going to get? Note that these probabilities are yearly.

With standard use (i.e. You screwed up your pill and/or took an interacting drug), the pill is more like 5%. Conversely, vasectomy is 0.15% (apparently it's harder to screw up being sterilized). Another poster was incorrect- tubes tied is less effective than vasectomy (and a more dangerous operation).

But to be quite honest, if you're looking for your best chance, according to the FDA- it's the norplant. You can't mess it up because it's in you, hence it has a 0.09% yearly fail rate for both best and recommended use.

Answer 9

Ask him if he would take a hormone pill that would affect his short term and possible long term health. Men think, oh it is just a little pill....Some women have major issues develop from taking birthcontrol pills. I know of several women who got pregnant while on the pill. There are so many variables that can affect its effectiveness. One lady was given an antibiotic at the dentist office (where she wasn't warned) and wound up with a pretty smile, but also an unplanned pregnancy. If he wants it bad enough and has any respect for you, he'll wear the damn condom and shut up! I guarantee wearing a condom doesn't make enough difference that he will quit having sex with you!

Answer 10

OK... why are we focusing on one thing here... there are STD's to worry about as well...

I understand the people telling you to get your tubes tied but the Vasectomy is a much easier procedure...

if you are worried about getting PG then see your doc there are many different things you can do... without either one of you having surgery.... but remember there is the other issue... STD's...

I was married for 81/2 years to find out that my now ex had an affair and got herpes... nothing is 100% babes... so far i am OK... but that does not mean i don't have it....


good luck!!!