Should I see this as a sign?

Question

My daughter is now living with me. She is 15 and lived with her Dad from the age of 10 until now. I live with my parents currently.

I tried to enroll her in the school that has bus transport from my parent's house. They redirected her to a school farther away which has no bus transport.

Now, my parents or myself have to pick up her up and drop her off to school each day.

My father was rushed to the hospital yesterday with a stroke. He may not be able to drive immediately and will probably need to take it easy.

My daughter says that this is a sign that she was not supposed to stay here and instead we both should move back in with my e-husband in another state.

She does not like living with my parents and is unhappy about starting at a new school . She also wants an intact family.

I feel bad because now my parents will have to help me out with my daughter and if I was with my ex-husband, she could take the bus. He can be verbally mean and conrolling though.

Answer 1

Breakfast doesn't cause lunch. Lunch doesn't cause dinner. No it is not a sign.

Answer 2

Your daughter is trying to manipulate you... Teenagers tend to be rebel and want things their way and just because that happened to your dad doesn't mean that it is a "signal".

First of all, your daughter won't understand you regardless the choice you make. Why go back to an ex-husband that is mean and controlling... ? Doing so may end up into a worst situation.

Maybe your parents are too pressured about your problems trying to think the best for you, but unfortunately your problems can hurt them. Try to sit down for a couple of minutes to write down specific short- and long-term plans. Maybe you could move to a city near your ex- and find a job there. There your daughter can go see her father often and you won't be causing any pressure to your parents, especially your father.

Attempt (can't say it will work) to sit down and you will see that what your daughter really wants is her father back. Explain her that there are certain differences between you and him and for that reason you can't be together anymore.

Your daughter seems to miss her father and that is understandable. Just because you divorced or separated doesn't mean you take off her right to be with someone she loves. Try to keep a balance, and she will see you as a friend instead of as an enemy.

Hope this works.

Answer 3

Kids often have trouble adjusting to new schools and new environments, moving in with your ex-husband so far away would be a BIG decision YOU would have to make, but as far as your dad going to the hospital and having to drive back and forth, well sometimes life happens, but you need to make the decision that is best for both you and you daughter and if you had a divorce and your ex can be controlling than think hard about that before you make any big leaps. In the long run it may be better if you looked for an alternative ride for your daughter, or looked into trying to purchase a car for yourself. Good luck.

Answer 4

OK, lets take a look here-- WHO IS THE PARENT- YOU or YOUR DAUGHTER. You need to realize ( I really do not mean to sound harsh) that 15 yr. olds DO NOT MAKE LIFE ALTERING DECISIONS-- she is just that a teenager- not an adult. There is NO sign here- she is trying to buffalo you into thinking differently. you really need to WAKE UP. Since she is a teenager and has a different life, friends, schools and environment she is GOING to try her best to sway you into thinking something different--LIKE ---GOING BACK TO YOUR X. Now may not be the best time for you to move but you are going to have to do it- make your daughter PART of the new home process- picking colors, rugs, decorations for her room etc. She really has had a GREAT teacher in the 101 Guilt Class so do not expect it to change any time soon- its her job as a teen to test EVERY limit you have. Stick to your guns, once she makes new friends life for her will be rosy and new so don't sweat the small stuff-- you may be trying to hard to please her- why not please yourself for once. Sorry about your Father- I hope all goes well with him and am sending speedy recovery wishes to him.. That's the parenting lesson for today- stand your ground- your the adult and she is the kid. GOOD LUCK-- until tomorrow--VP

Answer 5

This is not a "sign" it is just an inconvienence. YOU are the parent. Can you honestly say you would be better off with a verbally abusive and controling spouse, keep in mind that 99.9% of those who are verbally abusive and controlling become physically abusive at some point in time, (usually after the kids are grown and there are no "witnesses" to the abuse). Your daughter needs to quit being so self centered and learn how to deal with some of the things that happen on a daily basis, she isn't going to have everything SHE wants handed to her on a silver platter.

Answer 6

[Sorry, the spell checker isn't working] Stand up to her. You are the boss, not her. She will get over this. It's normal for a child to want stability and not be the new kid. But sometimes in life we have to do things we don't want to. Explain to her that this is the way things will be. Enroll her in the other school you wanted to. ANd she will deal. Remember she is a teen now and 2 female hormones is rough in the same household, believe me. I have 2. Just remember who is the boss and she will to. I don't know how she is, but in my experience, teens will always try to feel you out and see how far they can push, (actually just like little kids), and they will argue until they get what they want. Stick to your guns or she will walk on you the rest of her teen years. Let her know you love her and that you're trying to do what's best for her. And that you and daddy just can't be together, not everything is perfect in life. She needs to realise that. She will get over it. However, if she thinks you can be manipulated into doing what she wants, she will push. SOmetimes too if I give my daughters (what they think) is choices, they feel like they made the decision. Like you can say, "Here are your choices, you can go to this school far away or you can go to the other school that buses you back and forth." Only give her 2 options and she has to choose from those two. She may not like it, but she will feel a little independance because she made the choice herself. Good luck...it will be a hard road, but isn't it worth it?

Answer 7

This is a tough situation. I would talk to your daughter and try to reason with her, find out exactly what she wants. If you feel that you won't be happy living with you ex-husband, then I would just keep driving her to school. There is no point in making yourself miserable as well. As for the parents thing, most parents are willing to help their children no matter what age you are. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

You need to decide what is more important...having some sanity with your daughter and having a minor set back due to school transportation.....or is staying with a verbally mean and controlling husband. Staying with your parents is only temporary right? So I would suggest toughing it out there for a little longer.

Answer 9

Um, going back isn't going to solve anything. This in not a sign that you should go back, I think if it's a sign it's one saying that you should enroll her in the school with transportation. If he can be controlling and mean, then you are both better off not living with him. You got free once, so you should stay that way. We all want to make our kids happy, but that doesn't mean they get everything they want in life. To me it wouldn't be helping her to go back to a mean and controlling father either. Sometimes we have to do whats is best for ourselves and our children, no matter how much they protest.

Answer 10

You left out a lot. Like HOW he got custody if he's a mean controlling jerk? And WHY you still live with your parents as if you were still a child. Don't you have a job??? You should have a job and your own apartment close to your daughter's school and close enough to your parents' place to help out in emergencies. As for being an "in tact" family. That is a wish of many kids, but isn't always possible. Especially if her father is a mean and controlling man.

Answer 11

You could entertainthe idea of moving back in with your ex. But there need to be ground rules set as to sharing common space, having individual rights to private space, visitors, sharing the expenses. Your daughter may be living under the assumption all is not lost between the two of you and you must make her aware of the way he used to treat you and assure that that must not happen again or else it'll never work.