I wanted to get married to be at home and start a familiy.We have been married fo a year. My husband is out during the week 4 times, with his friens or at work parties. I have trying to explain that I feel lonely with his actitud, but he just answer "He is never going to change".He think is my responsability to make my own social life.
He wants to have a baby now or he is going to leave me. Is this the only probleme that we have. I m not been happy. Should I change? I m very confuse!!
2007-08-31 02:54:55 · 46 answers · asked by silvia c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since he likes his friends so much, send his **** over to their place. That'll let him know you're tired of his **** and having a baby with him is the last thing on your mind.
2007-08-31 03:00:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
No. Don't change. He shouldn't be out 4 nights a week unless it's with you. And what's all this rubbish he's giving you about have a baby now or I'll leave you? If he's prepared to leave you now for not getting pregnant, he certainly WILL leave you once you've got the baby and are tied to him forever. Sounds like he likes you being a doormat. Bit of a control freak isn't he. Go home to your mother and let him come running after you. If he doesn't - ditch him. If he does and you do decide to go back with him, DON'T GET PREGNANT until he's grown up. This might take some time (years, not months or weeks). In fact, you might do best to just ditch him completely and start again with someone else who appreciates you for what you are. You aren't happy now and you won't be happy in the future either if you are with him. He is not going to change. He'll still be the same selfish person when he's old. You, on the other hand sound nice, if a bit confused. You also sound a bit timid. Go back to your mother for a bit of moral support. She'll probably tell you she didn't like him in the first place. Listen to her. Get yourself a proper life and when you look for a new man, don't pick the same type again. Don't go rushing into marriage and babies until you've had a bit of life yourself. You'll be much more confident and much more attractive and you've got years ahead of you yet to do all that 'home' stuff.
2007-08-31 03:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by chris n 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi, No he will never change, but you can. Go out with your friends have a good time. Also go out with your husband, but one thing is for sure i would not have a baby until you know your relationship is rock solid, he may want you to have a baby so you can't go out you will be stuck at home with the baby. Then again if he is issuing ultimatums he may still leave you even if you have a baby and the novelty has worn off after a few months. A lot of careful consideration needs to be over this one. Don't do anything in haste. Good Luck x
2007-08-31 05:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by kevina p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he want you to have a baby? So you can stay in even more, and then you won't complain of being lonely, because you have the baby?
Change? Why should you change? What is he, a man or a boy? He needs to take his responsibilities seriously, and not be neglecting you and spending all your money at the pub.
Cheeky b.....
He isn't going to change, he's told you that. So? What you gonna do, put up with this misery for the rest of your life?
Get shot of him. The muppet.
2007-08-31 13:56:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like your idea of marriage is different from his. There is nothing wrong with each of you having a seperate social life but when he feels more interested in going out 4 nights a week with friends then the writing is on the wall. Are the office parties just for employees or spouses can come too? If he is going to leave you because he wants a baby now then I'd help him pack his bags and call him a cab. He sounds like he wants to control the relationship and he is not interested in your feelings. If he loves you he would make time for you instead of spending all his time away from home. You are not happy so you need to think real hard about what kind of future you see for yourself with him. Is he going to help out with the baby or leave you high and dry so he can go play with his friends?
2007-08-31 03:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by akitamommy2 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I took a look at your other questions and it sounds like there are deeper problems in this relationship. Since talking with him has not helped, I recommend marriage counseling, although Im not sure he would want to participate. Looks as if though you are always left holding the bag ( emotionally at least). Think carefully about why you married this person, what was it that drew you in? If you can still find that in him you might find a reason to make this work. Sometimes couples outgrow each other.
Having a baby is a tremendous step and a big commitement. But I dont need to tell you that a baby will not improve a relationship because it is very stressful. Think about what you want and not what your husband wants.
best of luck to you.
2007-08-31 03:03:21 · answer #6 · answered by pinktoenails 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your husband is never going to change, then you should definitely not have a baby with him. Unless, of course, you want to be the only one to look after the child while your husband is out having fun with his friends. If he wants a child so bad he needs to stop acting like one.
In part it is your responsibility to have your own social life. I can understand that you want to spend time with your husband, but you need friends too. I think he's being very stubborn, the best answer here would be a little compromise from both sides. For example, he can still go out with his friends, but twice a week instead of 4 times. As for you, tell him you don't want to have his baby until his behavior changes a bit. If he leaves after that, rejoice you will be better off without him. Good luck! =)
2007-08-31 03:03:08 · answer #7 · answered by Vbonics 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't even think about changing and do not have a baby. You're married to man that is treating you with no love or respect. You're also married to such a selfish man and the last thing that selfish people should do is get married! Selfish people should be alone!
It's really sad, but you married the wrong guy. He doesn't love you. He can't possibly love you if he can upset you, confuse you or make you unhappy. Your husband is suppose to do anything to make you happy. If it's love, that happens naturally.
Stop ruining your life. You could still meet the man of your dreams and in order to do that, YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THE LOSER AND FILE FOR DIVORCE. You could have the best life in a marriage when the couple loves eachother. You certainly don't deserve the marriage you're in, because it's not marriage. It's some geek trying to play you for a fool.
Just do not have a baby, because you will ruin the babies life also. Just get a divorce. He's not worth it. Get your chin up and treat yourself with some self respect, pride and dignity. You will be so happy you did. I wish you all the luck. God Bless
2007-08-31 03:09:38 · answer #8 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I've been married for eight years and have a six year old child. My husband and I have arguments all the time concerning his staying out with his friends/work colleages to the point where I have been very very close to leaving him. My advice to you is to steer clear of this man unless he is willing to grow up. Marriage is a partnership - if the man wants to continue acting like he is living a single life, then give him a single life because life is short and not worth wasting on someone who is selfish and childish.
I am more or less trapped because I can't go out while he is out enjoying himself - I have to stay at home and look after our child while he goes out having a good time. It's not fair and it leads to real misery. His work colleagues egg him on - blokes together sometimes act like a bunch of toddlers and they seem to think it a real source of fun to treat a wife like some kind of stereotypical "her indoors" Nora Batty style woman who deserves to be treated like a doormat. It can make you feel really worthless and depressed. Take it from my own experience and either tell this bloke to grow up fast or move on with your life. The last thing you should do is have a child with him at this stage. You have a future ahead of you, so be careful with it and enjoy life.
Good luck!
2007-09-01 06:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by tibbytoes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE IS A CONTROL FREAK. Right now, he's got his cake and eating it too, right now. He is married, has you at home to come home to, and is playing with his boys, and who ever else he is spending his time with. With you showing your dislike, its showing him that he is loosing control of you so he wants to have a baby with you so you will still have that emotional tie with him and he can maintain the control over you. DONT TAKE IT!!! If he will never change for you, as he has said, then you dont need to change for him. Stay true to yourself, not him. Take care of yourself and get out now while you still can without any ties. A child will only make things worse for you and also harder down the long road.
Prove to him that he cant control you and he will be the one leaving. you deserve better anyway. this type of guy is a looser!!!!!
2007-08-31 03:30:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to all the bone heads that say you're over reacting. When you get married you expect the person will be there for you and want the things you want together. This man is totally dis-respecting you and needs to learn what commitment means. Thats what a marriage is suppose to be, a commitment. You have every right to fuss about him being gone all the time. People do need to be able to do things with friends and to remain who they are but ,taking in mind they have a spouse who they have vowed there love, honor and commitment to. It doesn't sound like hes doing any of that.
2007-08-31 03:09:35 · answer #11 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋