My husband thinks it should be okay for him to go out drinking at bars and stuff. Is it okay for a married man to go to bars and get drunk? We have a daughter together and I think we should have family time in the evenings after a hard day of work and not seeing each other all day. He doesnt want to go all the time but like on the weekends. And we can't go together because I am not 21 yet (almost though) and also I dont think it would be right for us to go partying when we have a little girl to take care of. Am I being selfish? And he has cheated on me before and I know how he gets when he drinks. But he says I should trust him no matter what because he would never cheat on me again. What should I do?
I am actually starting to think I should be a "good wife" and let him do whatever he wants while I work full time and cook and clean and do every ******* thing myself.
2007-08-31 02:53:58 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know your husband is wrong. It's okay for him to go out with his friends once in awhile (no more than once a week) IF he's willing to babysit while you go out with your friends the same amount. You are married and you have a child. Family should take priority. If he's cheated before, he'd do it again if the temptation is there. A "good wife" doesn't let her husband walk all over her. That would be a bad example for your daughter.
2007-08-31 02:59:35 · answer #1 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because you are married and have a child doesn't mean you shouldn't have a social life. It also doesn't mean that you should go out all the time. There is a happy medium. However, it takes two mature people to make a marriage and a family work. The two of you need to sit down and talk about what each of your expects from the relationship. From there, you'll have to come to some agreement on the amount of time you should spend as a family, as just a husband and wife (without the kid being around) and being socially active. If you try to control him totally, he will rebel. Everyone needs some time to themselves or some time out with the guys or the girls. You need this, too and he needs to understand that he doesn't get to go out by himself all the time and leave you with the child. When both of you work, household and child-rearing responsibilities have to be shared. You'll have to figure out who is in charge of what (dishes, dinner, laundry, bathing the child, cleaning the house, taking out the trash, etc.) and then stick with it. As for him cheating, if you don't trust him, you likely never will and your marriage won't last, for who can or should stay with someone who cannot be trusted? Sorry to say this, but he may be abandoning you for his drinking because he wants out. You need to act in the best interest of your child, which may not be to stay with her father. Whatever you do, remember this, you deserve to be happy and to have fun, too. And you deserve a man who is of the same opinion.
2007-08-31 10:07:50 · answer #2 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doing everything yourself and what not doesn't make you a good wife. Being a good wife would know the difference between the needed independent time couple times a month vs. couple times a week. Its not fair to leave you at home with the kids while he enjoys a single lifestyle. Thats not what the two of you have any more. Besides, the only way it is fair is if he allows you to be able to do the same. I was there girl and let me tell you, when I voiced that it was my turn, some how it all stopped. It was funny that as soon as I wanted to do as he was, it wasn't much fun for him any more. He does things like golf with the buds once in a while or fishing or something and I have a girls night. We keep our sanity and there isn't room for doubts on what the other person is up to.
2007-08-31 10:03:46 · answer #3 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes he can go out drinking I love when my husband does it gives me more time to get the place looking nice. Plus he comes home all extra lovey lol. He needs to blow steam. Once a week I get out early from work and go do something fun for me with my best friend. couples need away time too. As for being the good wife, I am the same way but its something you choice you can always draw that line in the sand and say no more. Finally to address the cheating whether he drinks or not he can still go out and plow someone else you can't control that. All you can do is hope he doesn't and if he does decide if you can forgive and move on or if it would be better for you to just move on yourself
2007-08-31 10:06:15 · answer #4 · answered by sarah W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You really need to sit down with your husband and tell him what you just told us. Don't say this in a harsh way or he will just get angry. No, I don't think your being selfish, you are being a fine mother and wife. I congratulate you for still being with him after he had strayed before...that's hard for a lot of women to do because of the trust thing, myself included.
Ask him why does he feel the need to party and drink every weekend. Doesn't make since as to why he wouldnt want to be home with his wife and child after working all week, unless he feels trapped and drinks to escape his real life responsibilities.
2007-08-31 10:11:11 · answer #5 · answered by moon_girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is wrong in this. Nothing wrong with maybe once a month maybe twice but, not every weekend. You should be going together and he already put himself in temptation once and he cheated so why put the temptation back in front of himself? If he wasn't ready to be a man and a father then he shouldn't have married you sorry.....
And no matter how good of a wife you are unless he is willing to be a better husband you are in for a long rough road....
2007-08-31 10:00:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope you are not the only one working to support the family.
NO, it is not alright for him to do this if it makes you unhappy...you should come to a compromise that makes you both happy. You do need to get out together for some alone time away from your child...maybe a date night once a week. You can not spend all of your time with the child and none with hubby. And he should be helping out with the child and house. If he cheated once...I would not trust him just because he says so...he would have to regain my trust....and going out and getting drunk without you is not proving anything. He could do it at home with you. You both need a night out with the guys or girls...but what is fair for one is fair for the other. You need to sit down and have a long talk and decide what you both need and can live with and move forward from there.
be cool...
2007-08-31 10:01:43 · answer #7 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should you worry about being a "good wife" when he's not trying to be a "good husband"?
If he's blown it by cheating, he should be kissing your butt, not going out and getting drunk. Your daughter should be exposed to a happy, loving daddy who wants to be there instead of drinking (or whatever) with his buds.
Hanging out with the guys is fine, occasionally, but he doesn't sound like he's acting like a married man. This man should be trying to make up to you, not creating more problems.
2007-08-31 10:00:29 · answer #8 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, puhleeeez! You are doing everyhting right!If he has already cheated and now wants to go to bars and get drunk...it only sounds like he wants out of his responsibilities. He may be going through something and needs to let it out with friends, and that is ok, but if he is getting trashed and not handling business, then YOU have to make the decision of how long you are willing to put up with this crap. Your daughter deserves a sober daddy, not a drunken womanizer. Please talk to him and see what he is going through and ask how you both can help eachother through this.
2007-08-31 14:24:05 · answer #9 · answered by vixxen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello!
First of, let me say that you are not in the wrong. Your husband should not be out in the bars drinking every weekend. He has not grown up yet and is not ready for marriage. There is no way that you are going to be able to make him stop going, he is going to have to want to do that himself. I suggest that you get a sitter and start going out with some friends as well. I wish you the best of luck honey!!! God Bless!
2007-08-31 10:29:20 · answer #10 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋