Am I being petty my 7 yr old daughter was scratched and left scared by her 18month half brother?

Question

I have what I thought was a good relationship with my ex and his wife. While staying with them my seven year old was scratched by her 18month half brother and neither my ex nor his wife thought to inform me even though I spoke to them often while my daughter was staying with them. The scratches have left very visible and permanent scars on her face and while I understand kids will be kids I can not understand how an 18month year old can be that vicious. I am also upset that I was not told but I do not want to sound petty by pointing this out.

Answer 1

Ewww & Ouch!! I would have to talk about it with them!

Answer 2

You might be going a little overboard here. When she is with you and falls down and gets a scrape on her knee or elbow that does not require medical attention, do you call your ex to tell him? Unless you are willing to let your ex know everything little thing that happens when your daughter is with you, you should not expect him to call you every time she gets scratched or falls down. An 18-month old child has very sharp fingernails and the scratches are not necessarily from a "vicious" attack. Besides that, your daughter may very well started something with the half-brother and he may have just been defending himself as best he could. Kinda sounds like your problem is deeper than just a few scratches on your daughter's face. And how do you know the scratches have caused permanent scars when your daughter is only 7? You would be amazed at what the skin can heal with time (or at least make not so noticeable).

Answer 3

ok, first of all, sternly reprimanding her won't get you anywhere, she'll probably just do it when u're not around... especially if her behavior has an emotional source. And just for the record, i don't agree that this is your fault. I find that siblings have relationships between themselves that we parents can see but we can't always interfere. I suggest you watch your son's behaviour, Is he annoyed by the criticisms? does he listen to her? do they play together otherwise and laugh and have fun? If yes, than maybe you shouldn't worry too much and consider it to be a phase. Also, take into consideration two things: - ur daughter's criticism can be her way of showing that she cares, and you just need to guide her towards another way of showing her love. - in the midst of many brothers and sisters, as I can tell from ur question, this might be something that ur daughter does to get your attention. Kids will do anything, even if that will get them into trouble, to get the parents attention. So maybe you could try to ignore the behavior (if it's aimed at getting ur attention, expect it to get worse at first) and find a way of rewarding the positive things they do together. Remember that it takes two to make a relationship, and ask yourself what's your son's part in all this. Punishing should come only if she's obviously hurting her brother with what she's saying. Otherwise, my advice would be, just step back and watch the whole situation, not just your daughter. And don't blame yourself.

Answer 4

The scars will most likely fade, but I would certainly have a talk with the ex and his wife. If the daughter bled or the scratches scabbed over or if they noticed the scaring they should have told you. Though I can see why they didn't think to tell you when it happened, kids scratching each other whether on accident or on purpose isn't anything new.

Answer 5

Don't be upset at the 18 month old... I mean how could you? He is just a baby. No the part to be upset with is the not telling you. My babysitter tells me of even the most slightest of a bump that may turn into a small bruise. I am informed on ever situation, even if my kids did it to themselves. As for how he scarred her... That is pretty easy. When my daughter was 3, she scratched my arm and I now have a scar. Your daughters may get lighter with years, but as for a solution, try putting a cram on it and see if that helps.

Answer 6

Yes, they should have informed you. How a child that small could cause such severe scratches is pretty puzzling. Did they lie to you? Have you asked your daughter how this happened? What they were doing? What happened immediately after this? Did they apply cream to prevent infection? I don't think an 18 month old can be that vicious myself. I am wondering what really caused those scratches if they were as deep and permanent as you say.

Answer 7

My girlfriends granddaughter at a year jammed her finger up her nose unexpectedly, raked the inside and gave her a bloody nose for a day. It happens. The 18yr old is a baby, it happens. Over time your daughters scars will fade, age does that. I'm not sure how you can determine they are permanent unless it happened a long time ago.

I don't think you will sound anything but petty, as well as jealous. What exactly do you think your ex should have done that wasn't?

Answer 8

do you know that it was vicious? could it have been an accident and the childs nails needed to be cut? that'as my bet. if it was recent, there's no way of knowing if the scars will be permanant and at 7 yrs, they will most likely fade in time anyway. i'd definately tell them you aren't crazy about the scratch but this doesn't seem like to big of a deal.

Answer 9

I wonder if your feelings would be the same if the 18 month old was your child.
I really don't see how a child that young could be viewed as vicious.
Mederma will probably take care of the scars.

Answer 10

I would simple state to them ... I understand kids will be kids but in the future when an incident like this happens I would like to be notified immediatly! I would also tell them on the next visitation for there to me more supervision so hopfully in the future this will not occur again.

Also it sounds to me you are the primary custodian and information like that needs to be given to you when you child is in the care of the non custodial parent. They really should have doctored the sratch with neosporen so it wouldnt dry out and scar.

You are a mother if this happened to my child I would be really pissed that a phone call wasnt made to me!

Answer 11

I can't fathom how an 18 month old could leave permanent scars. My feeling is either it wasn't the child or you are exaggerating. If it was the child then you probably are over reacting. If these scratches are that bad, have your family Dr. look them over.