My Wife Has Begged Forgiveness Should I Trust Her Again?

Question

To Recap:

She had been talking to an older guy who was supposedly just a friend, behind my back. There were 131 calls in one month and they waited till I was at work I only found out when I looked at her cell phone bill. She kept it online but I printed it out.

She had earlier agreed not to talk to him because he tried to feel her up when she had been drinking, he bought her the drinks.

When I gave her an ultimatum it's him or me she begged me to forgive her and said she would never talk to him again.

Should I trust her or continue to monitor her phone calls and movements?

Answer 1

130 calls while you were at work, and after she agreed to no longer talk to him. Pal, you can keep beating your head against a brick wall if you choose, but your wife didn't accidentally or unintentionally keep talking (at least) to her spermy pal. She CHOSE to keep a relationship with that guy- and she knew he was interested in her sexually. What part of scummy don't you understand? Making excuses for her behavior isn't gonna do you any good. Face it, she DID choose; when she continued to talk to Spermy, when she KNEW he wanted her in bed. Either lie to yourself, and trust her. Or, face facts, and dump the cheating wife.

Answer 2

Recap,
As a question where the calls work related?
You say earlier agreed not to talk to him. Has she been around him before? Where did they meet?

My opinion.. to monitor calls and movements would be borderline stalking in a way.. I know its your wife but try this as being part of a family.. Take interest in all the bills including the phone bill. Sit together and do the bills together.

If there are a ton of calls still coming in over the next couple months. Then I would suggest counseling.

You go out for drinks and buy drinks for a lady.. If she seems to be OK with accepting drinks from another guy then she should be OK if you want to buy a drink for a lady. She must see it to be harmless that someone wants to get her a drink so you are harmlessly buy a lady a drink.

The feeling up part... Just take that as a red flag for now if its not happening anymore. Use caution. Ask her nicely how you can make her feel like that.

Remember relationships are a two way street. It takes two. If she is willing then it could work out good for you all. And if there are kids... Trust me.... You want to try everything in your power before throwing the towel in.
Kids involved = EVERYONE LOSSES!

Answer 3

Friend,
If your wife has been doing this behind your back then that's a red flag. If she is not comfortable enough to talk to this man while you're home then she may be talking in a way that she knows that a married woman shouldn't be. 131 calls in a month is too much for 'just a friend', did you talk to her that much in a month when you first met? Also, if she was hiding her cellphone bill online then that may be another red flag. If she doesn't want you to see it, then she may be feeling guilty because she is crossing the line.

Also, if she is still talking to him after she agreed not to then this is a good reason for your suspicion. She may try to stay in contact with him by other means and become more sneaky about it.

You have every reason to feel alarmed. You are not insecure and you have gut feelings for a reason. Yes, it's alright for her to have friends but when it starts interfering with your relationship with her then it's going too far.

I would give her another chance but watch her very close and continue to monitor her. There is a difference between trust and blind faith and it wouldn't hurt to check the cellphone bill and watch her calls. After all, if she gets defensive about it then she knows she's doing something wrong.

As for this man, he needs to be removed from the picture entirely. While your wife may think of this man 'as a friend', I think he has other intentions. I have -never- known a man to be 'just friends' with a woman without some alterior motive. I am sure that he knew she is married to you when he felt her up. Does it sound like he respects her or her marriage to you?

You have a lot of thinking to do. Good luck. :) It will work out if you both want it to.

Answer 4

She made a serious error in judgement and she lied to you and tried to cover her tracks. Not a good start at all. You gave her an ultimatum and she begged for forgiveness. If you think this marriage is worth working on, then you can try to regain the trust which has been lost. It could work out but, if I were you, I would watch her phone calls and movements. Let her know that you will not tolerate any communication with this man and that if she has intentions of staying with you, then she had better choose now what she is going to do. It wouldn't hurt to go to a marriage counsellor with her. Good luck.

Answer 5

There is a reason why she started to cheat. You need to find out why. May I please suggest counseling.... No about the the trust issue.... During counseling your going to need to get the whole truth, if she met with him, slept with him etc.
Obviously she hurt you and betrayed your trust She NEEDS to know how much hurt she caused you. While this looks like its 100% her fault there might be a large percent 50% or 49% your fault. People cheat for many reasons. If you treat her like a prisoner or like a child she could just want a divorce. Would you want to treated this way? So I don't think this is the way to go. May I suggest the book below. Look at a book store or library. Now if she really loves you and wants make it work is up to her. Obviously this guy has magic powers to get her to talk 131 times.

Answer 6

Okay Okay .. I would still monitor and if she said she was going to stop talking to him then there should be no reason why on the next phone bill for there to be any further phone conversations listed ...

Its up to you to trust her or not .... and if she has nothing to hide then there should be no reason why she would have a problem showing u the bill in the first place .. also why dont u just call him up and ask him whats going on she is ur wife .. u have the right to question him ...

Answer 7

Sir, if you really trust your wife you would not mind about that matter, but if you knew thats something fishy is going on with your wife and that guy, do some actions and let her explain her part, If her reasons are reasonable, try to give her a second chance.. sometimes we should think of possible thing to make things ok..
Maybe, she had some problems and when she needs you, your not around to give her a hand ,thats why she seek it from the other people close to her..

Maybe it matters about time for each other.. try to view thing for the reason why she's doing that...

Just an advice....

Equal trust and time for each other makes the relationship strong....

Answer 8

I would continue to monitor her. I cheated on my boyfriend once and it was the worst mistake of my life, he gave me a second chance and I haven't so much as checked a guy out since then, but not everyone's like that. Speaking from experience, if she is talking to him that much I highly doubt that she is going to just give him up suddenly. Does she know you found out by looking at her phone bill? If so and if she does continue to talk to him then she's just going to look for another way so you wont find out, maybe she would even get another phone. It sounds extreme but I have heard of worse, and that only assuming she is in fact going to continue talking to him.I would continue to watch he, if after awhile you haven't seen anything suspicious then Congrats! You have yourself a good girl. But you should know, for my fiance and I it has been almost 3 years already since I cheated and the trust we used to have still isn't completely there. He gets defensive anytime I'm hanging out with another guy, and I grew up with guys all my friends are guys, but its not because I want to sleep with them. She has to earn your trust back, slowly, continue watching her though, she seems kinda shady, 131 calls and all.

Answer 9

First you should ask yourself the question "Do I still have feelings for her". If he felt her up, perhaps you should have had a talk with him, man to man. This may be hard to hear, but if your wife is talking so much to other men, she must be lonely. Does she know, have you shown her how much she means to you? Has she spoken to him since you gave her the ultimatum? You will always have this feeling in your gut until you "forget it" and if you can't, then you both will be living in H E L L.

Answer 10

My gosh... give her a break! If you feel like she is lying to you then do both of you a favor & file for divorce! And while you are trying to sort this whole thing out - take a long look at yourself in the mirror. Relationships lack something when one party starts to feel neglected. It isn't just up to her to prove to you that she will never speak to him again. It's up to you to love her enough to forgive & move forward, giving her the reassurance that she doesn't have to find a friend outside of her marriage to fullfill an empty spot inside. You have to prove to her that you still love her unconditionally. I can not understand those who feel that they have a right to "monitor" someone instead of facing the situation head on with determination to finding the results to fix it! Sounds to me like you already have it pin pointed that she will screw up again & therefore on to divorce court! Why play the game - get it over with if you really don't want her to begin with!