i've fallen out of love with my hubby?

Question

how would i tell him without hurting him
married over 11yrs.my heart isn't in it anymore
please help

Answer 1

That's what happens when you've been in a relationship for over a long period of time.

The flames of passion have faded and life has hit you hard with the daily monotinous.

First off, I think you've problem hit the point where you kind of take each other for granted. If he got into a car wreck tomorrow and died, would you wish for a second chance to have him back again?

Of course, you would be sad...but what I mean is, would you wish for a second chance to have him back in your life?

Can you imagine not being married to him? Does he compulse you to the point of where you no longer even want sexual relations with him?

What I'm getting at is, maybe you've just hit a low (boring) point in your relationship. People tend to define love by how happy their partner makes them, excitement, sexual passion, and fun.

After living with someone for so long, that can fade to the point of where you feel like you're just living with a sibling.

It's up to the both of you to keep a small flame flickering. Take a vacation together...Something.

Talk to each other about ways you could improve the relationship.

Or you could go to some marriage counseling for once a week.

Unless there's a serious reason to leave the marriage, don't give up quite, yet.

Answer 2

Being "in love" is a matter of emotions only. They can go away and come back. A lot of it depends on how you and your husband communicate and how you think about each other in your minds (your self talk).

After 16 years of marriage neither my wife nor I felt, "in love" with each other. We went to a 4 week workshop based on the book, "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail", by John Gottman, Ph.D. I recommend the book very highly.

I read the book and did what the author said. I found that after 4 weeks of doing that, I had the same feelings of "being in love" with my wife that I did before.

Unfortunately, part of the problem was that I had become physically disabled and it was too much for her and she divorced me. If you divorce your husband, you have no idea how intensely you both will suffer. It was like all of my insides were just torn out.

You can "feel" in love with your husband again. Don't throw him away. Tell him how you're feeling and work together to get back those same feelings you had when you married each other. God bless you both.

Answer 3

There is no avoiding it.....he will be hurt. There is nothing you can do to stop that. The longer you put it off, the harder it is going to be. Initially, he will be devestated, but with time he will become stronger. If you tell him now, then in twelve months time, he will have gotten through the worst of the grieving process. Twelve months will go past whether you tell him or not, then another twelve months and on it goes. You cant protect his feelings to the exclusion of your own. It's also not fair to him to stay if you dont love him. He needs love too, so the sooner you let him go, the sooner he has a chance to find happiness with some-one else. It's a tough time and there is no easy answer, but you have to confront it sometime and the sooner you do it, the sooner both of you can move on.

Answer 4

There is no way to tell your husband that you don't love him anymore without hurting him.

Are you sure you don't love him or is just the lust and excitement worn off the relationship?

You aren't going to like this, but unless your husband is abusive (physically or mentally), then I would look deep into yourself and ask, what do I need that I'm not getting from this relationship? Then, can you fulfill these things for yourself or ask your husband to help.

My mother always says that if you are unhappy it is usually more to do with yourself than others and whereever you go, you'll be there. In otherwords, you can move or change a marraige, but you'll still be the same person - unhappy.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Hi Wilma, It doesn't matter how you tell him he will be hurt. If you are planning on leaving him then tell him,but if your going to stay with him say nothing. I let my abuse,cheating and lieing husband from a 30 year marriage and I can't stand him. We have been in and out of divorce court for almost 2 years not.
Hopefully you will have everything settle in 9-17-2007. I do know the feeling!!!
A Friend.
poppy1

Answer 6

im going through a similar thing at the moment, weve only been married 4 years though, hes been naughty and since then things seem to be going from bad to worse, i was going to tell my hubby this morning actually but i still have feelings for him, so ive decided to try and work on it, after all we are married. but i dont know why you have fell out of love him, is it his looks or his personality, has he changed? have you changed? just have a good think about what you want out of life then decide, but if you do leave him there is no doubt you are going to hurt him, good luck x

Answer 7

as you were staying with your hubby from last 11 yrs. so you cannot fallen out of love with him.

just look at that, what you have written : "how would i tell him without hurting him".....

that shows honey, that you still love him. but you dont want to realize that.

it may be coz of some problems that are happening with you.
you might be going busy in your job for a long time.
or you both are not getting time to spend with each.


you just give yourself a break.
go to some romantic place with your hubby.
that will change your mind.

good luck

Answer 8

Sometimes is just confussion or boredom but thinking in all the beatuful times and reviving love is possible of course it has to be a matter of two.

Answer 9

Have you tried marriage counseling? You took vows for better or worse. At least give it the counseling chance before leaving. Just tell him that you feel unhappy, and think that you and he need some help to regain the love that you originally had. good luck!!

Answer 10

I cant understand this... How do you fall OUT OF LOVE and still NOT WANNA HURT HIM? And if you're married for that long then ther is surely a way of circumventing the problem or resolving it. Explore those avenues. They'll save your relationship.