My wife is pregnant. She was adopted as a baby. Because we're pregnant, we thought now would be a good time to find her natural parents. Well, we found 'em & it turns out my wife's birth dad is black and her birth mom is white. My wife looks white..she has blonde hair & beautiful green eyes. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. All our friends are white, everybody we know is white. I'm scared my kid may be born black. Not that I have anything against black people...it's just that if I wanted a black kid, I would've married a black woman. I don't want a black kid. Now, I'm looking at my wife different...now I know why she has a bubble-butt and Michelle Phiferish lips. I'm finding it hard to look at her the same. I'm afraid to tell my friends or family. Anybody ever been in this situation? What the heck am I supposed to do?
2007-08-30 20:17:06 · 35 answers · asked by Luke Donovan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ok, I have read your responses. I was really looking for advice from someone who had been through something like this. I have been up all night agonizing over this situation. I love my wife, she is the sweetest, most amazing, most beautiful woman I have ever known. It's good to know the baby probably won't look black since Bethany doesn't. All I keep seeing is images of my wife's birth dad....his dark dark skin and grayish black dreadlocks. I keep thinking that's what my kid is gonna look like. When my wife told me we were pregnant, that was the happiest day of my life. I envisioned a chubby cheek fair skinned little boy or girl with sandy-blonde hair like mine & Bethany's gorgeous green eyes and amazing smile.
2007-08-30 21:11:23 · update #1
Wait, I thought the vow said for better or worse. Look, you love her for her... How sad of you to think any differently because of someone due to their color. That kind of thinking needs to be left in the past.
That is your WIFE and CHILD..... How could you be such a racist? Consider how blessed you are to have a wife and child on the way. Many in this world don't have that, and would really like it.
2007-08-30 20:35:45 · answer #1 · answered by Rav 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
After seeing your reaction to her heritage, I imagine your wife is looking at you differently too.
You've gone from kind caring loving husband who will make a wonderful father, to a scum bag who's nothing more than a racist. Sorry, but that's what it sounds like to me.
You need a reality check. It is very unlikely that you will end up with an ebony colored child, you will prolly only notice the same sort of traits as you've described in your wife, or at that very most, tanned skin.
Remember, that kids is yours, YOURS. You are responsible for it, no matter what color it is. Shouldn't you love your wife for who she is? And isn't it up to her whether or not she wants to discuss her heritage with your friends and family.
And you know what, if you want a kid, you don't GET TO CHOOSE much more than that. They could be a boy or girl, they could be disabled, they could be twins, siamese twins or some sort of 'freak' baby with a cows head instead of a baby head. You take these risks when you decide to make a baby (ok, maybe not the cows head one). Why should the 'risk' of having a darker child be any different?
Another good point is this: Mixed race babies are so completely beautiful. I am sure that you think your wife is gorgeous, why would it be bad if your daughter looked like her.
And not everybody you know is white... you're forgetting your WIFE!
Seriously, try to be a supportive husband here, rather than a selfish racist person. Imagine what she might be going through? She just found out she herself has a 'black' heritage. If you both had similar views before you found out, then she will be having a harder time than you dealing with this.
Some people can't have kids, or try for like ever to have kids. Stop friggin whinging.
2007-08-30 20:33:28 · answer #2 · answered by A derka der 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious??? What kind of a person are you? She's still the same person as before. Nothing has changed! If you're worth anything then you'll love your baby no matter what. Besides that I really think that once you see your baby you'll look past the fact that he or she is black, if that turns out to be the case. You could learn a lesson from my 5 year old son, he really doesn't notice that people are different colors.
Lastly, I'm sure if she wanted to she could find some faults in you, like the fact that you're RACIST!!!
Tell your wife how you feel then tell her she should go find someone who deserves her!!!
2007-08-30 21:06:48 · answer #3 · answered by abmainer 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're kidding right?
That shouldn't bother you. Welcome to the 21st century! She's carrying your child, and she's still the same person you married. Oh and your child wont come out black, just a little olive toned maybe. Which is a beautiful skin colour to have.
EDIT: Look I'm sorry this is bothering you so much. So here is my advice to you... I don't think you should say anything about this to her. I think it is a weird thing to worry about, and I think she will think the same thing.
I think you should give yourself a good talking to, and you should tell yourself that it doesn't matter what race she is, it doesn't matter what your baby looks like, you already love them both. The question is... Would you rather live with out your wife because she's black? Or would you rather stick with her, and live with your baby despite their race?
2007-08-30 21:00:12 · answer #4 · answered by Laughing all the way 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is wow. Do you love your wife for who she is. How she treats you? You say you have nothing against black people I am finding that difficult to believe! Boy does the truth come out when we are faced with it huh. You should love your wife as before as if you never found out this information. It is who she is. It does not make her as a person. It is her genetic makeup and yes it will be part of your childs makeup and there is nothing you can do to change that. You have some growing up to do. She has faced alot of obstacles in life being adopted and now finding out who her birth parents where that must have been quite tramatic for her. And you can only think about yourself and your "white world" once again wow. Hopefully one day you will find the world and people are not as small and narrow minded as you. They will be quite accepting of your child however he/she comes out. Hopefully you can too. Good luck to you.
2007-08-30 20:30:00 · answer #5 · answered by Darkchild 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
With your assumed permission I am featuring your experience on my blog. The link is in the SOURCE LIST.
DO NOTHING!! This is the time when your wife needs you the most. I agree that it would come as a rude ahock to you. But you havce to understand that it is not her fault that she is black. And although you say otherwise, I feel that you DO have a bias towards black people. Why else would you fear that your kid might be black?? Your kid black or white is still YOUR KID. And you're the one who has got to make your kid confident of his/her identity.
Remove all negative thoughts about what "people might think " from your head. Your wife and kid are more important than "People". Think straight. Any more queries, post them on my blog
Best wishes
2007-08-30 20:27:13 · answer #6 · answered by AYOOZe 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Damn this is a pretty difficult situation we have here. But if i were her, then i'd dump my racist hubby for looking at me different just because i have a black dad. Goodness... This is my favourite part;
"Not that I have anything against black people...it's just that if I wanted a black kid, I would've married a black woman. I don't want a black kid."
How much of bull can this guy generate? Amazing...
2007-08-30 20:28:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
OK assuming you're for real. IDK how you could marry someone you wanted to have children with not knowing their "race".
See a shrink you need help.
I'd say you are more worried about what OTHER people think. Think of your wife and child & quit worrying about YOU. You have other people in your life now dude. Get over it or divorce her if it bothers u that much & be prepared to pay mucho child support unless you're a deadbeat dad like my DEAD father. After reading you update you're a bigger jerk than I thought. Not every baby has "blonde hair & green eyes" you shallow racist pig.
May my dad not rest in peace. Be nice to your children so they never say that about you!
2007-08-30 20:56:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you sound like a very simple son of a bit*h, i mean what exactly can you do? and besides, dumb @ss whatever the father is, so is the baby- it's all in the blood.the baby will carry your blood line. and if anything, you should feel proud that anybody was willing to carry your seed within their womb! you dumb fu#k!
and anyways the tan the child might come out with will save it's little @ss time from being in the sun anyways you know how y'all white people be tannin' and ****- so chill and be happy you gon' be some body's baby-daddy! ya hoe @ss punk!
c.c
p.s.
no matter what other details you add- you still come off as a racist prick! don't you know that your wife dad in many ways gave her to you?!!! what is so hard for you to understand? your wonderful loving whatever wife came from a black man-and there was no other way for her to get to this planet but through that man! you shouldn't be trippin' over her real father's skin tone-and you should be thanking him for his sperm to your white mother in-law-that is how your wonderful, beautiful,blah,blah,blah of a wife, which of whom you so called love came about anyways retard-goodness! why are you so dumb? that is my sincere question to you sir? don't you know you sound like a complete idiot?
2007-08-30 20:55:02 · answer #9 · answered by cupcake8 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Isn't she the same person you fell in love with? Didn't you fall in love with her bubble butt and Michelle Phifferish lips? You certainly seem to enjoy them enough to get her pregnant...Yeah your child will be 1/4 black...Clearly you do have a problem with her being part black...or you wouldn't be questioning your love for her...also, be careful about your pride with your family and friends...this is your wife and if you'd rather please your family and friends rather than continue your marriage to the woman you fell in love with and married...that is truly sad...but I know how the US works, so you have to make a decision if you want to side with bigotry or side with love...best of luck...
2007-08-30 20:30:01 · answer #10 · answered by msfinance72 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋