if my family member died should I smile or cry?

Question

Smile - that their suffering is gone and their in a better place
Cry - no comment.

Answer 1

I can only express how I felt on two occasions, (one of which was this Spring.)
After months of my husband's terminal illness, going through all the phases, his disbelief, his deterioration, his loss of dignity & final paranoia--I was the last to see him alive. I won't digress on this, but when he died, I felt a deep serenity. (No, I didn't "smile," but it was best for him, & actually for me as well, as I had absolutely no assistence from anyone.)
An elderly man who had been a dear friend, suffered hell in a horrid little rat hole where his power of attorney had put him, & when I heard of his death from another friend, I said: "I'm glad he's at peace." I found it interesting that the friend hesitated & then told me he felt the same but didn't think he should say it. Why not? It was true.
I don't know if you're speaking of someone who suffered physical, or emotional pain. In either case, I wouldn't cry, but neither would I "smile." Smiling seems a bit inappropriate, don't you think? Unless you mean the smile inside which is a sense of peacefulness.

Answer 2

I usually feel a mixture of emotions. I assume you mean death by old age, or disease, like something that wasn't induced.
I personally feel a mixture of emotions, mostly I'm happy cos they're not suffering anymore and they're in a better place, but after a while when I haven't seen them in a while and I keep remembering how things were when they were around I feel sad then. But I usually don't cry, or cry very little. I know that death is a part of life and that it's just the way things go.

Answer 3

Cry for your loss. It is ok to be selfish in a time like this. But it you feel happy that they are now no longer suffering, allow yourself that emotion too. The heart is capable of smiling and aching at the same time.

Answer 4

it doesnt matter, do what you feel, you can feel different at different times, when you are sad, you can cry and when you are releived you can smile, think of what they are doing now, instead of suffering they are dancing, singing, smiling, doing what they love to do! it is right to cry and it is right to rejoice, feel good about the time you had with them and allways remembe them as they were not as they are now-gone, death is not the end, just a closing of a chapter and the start of a new one, your loved one is not dead and never will be, they will live on inside of you for eternity untill the day you join them! you can cry happy tears!

Answer 5

Before a family member dies you cannot judge how you are going to react. When my father died, I cried immediately. When my 20 year old son died, I went into a state of shock at first...but crying came shortly thereafter and I've cried an ocean of tears since.

Answer 6

you might think me wrong for saying this but when a member of my family dies i end up laughing. when i am in depressing or solemn situations i cant help but to laugh because that causes me to at least bear with it at times. (yes, even at funerals.)
i think its normal to cry... even expected. theres no way one could smile if a very dear and loved one died. well, it is possible... but i believe that those people are worse off than even those who spend days afterward crying.
sorry i got kinda side tracked from the question ^^
yeah, i say cry^^

Answer 7

I think no one should tell you how to feel or how to express those feelings. North American culture seems to specialize in telling people what to do. Most people still don't understand that grief is a personal matter and that only you can sort through it.

It's up to you to decide how you feel about it. Be honest with yourself at least, and grieve in your own way. Death isn't terrible, it just is. As natural as breathing. But we're also evolved enough to be saddened when someone goes away. Just work through it in your own time. Everything is everything.

Answer 8

It is normal to be relieved that a loved one's suffering is over. As a matter of fact, it is the most common first reaction to the death of a loved who has suffered during a long illness. This relief eventually turns to grief. So to answer your question, you'll probably feel both feelings, and they're both good and normal.

Answer 9

If it hurts you that they're gone....cry. It's a terrific tension reliever. Always smile within, though, that they have left this wretched world.
If it DOESN'T hurt you that they're gone....don't smile openly. That's VERY disrespectful to the others in mourning.

Answer 10

In these situations I dont cry or even smile. I just look even though my heart is burning and aching.