Tips on dealing with dementia?

Question

My mother in law is showing signs of the onset of dementia...she is very close to us and we are very aware of her daily life. I want 'real life' tips on how to deal with her forgetfulness...I do not care for textbook tips right now, hence the reason I am in Y!A and not at the doctor's office (again).

When dealing with forgetfullness of past conversations, do you remind the person you have had this conversation before or just pretend you this is the first time you have discussed it. If she misplaces her purse, do you just say, "oh here it is" and not make a big 'to-do' about it?

I think you get the gist of my question...any and all tips are much appreciated!

Answer 1

someone responded to a question I listed with regard to memory loss. They said "lock yourself into a daily routine that doesn't change". And I thought that was a great answer.

I don't think you need to remind someone of anything because they won't remember it and you'll just get frustrated.

There's no need to misplace a purse if it's put back in the same place each time she walks thru the door. Same with keys. Keep the keys in the purse or in her shoes that are by the door. For clothing you can either make maybe 5 sets of clothes and let her choose which when she's going out (say for shopping). Or you can decide on one set and she can always wear the same thing (same color, same style, etc. but you just keep them all washed).

I know there can be problems taking pills so you need to actually put them in front of her, tell her to take them and watch her take them.

When my dad had dementia he watched tv a lot. We'd ask him what's on and he would say sports (when it was a love story, or whatever), and he would even tell us who was winning and by what points. Anyway if she's interested in tv that's fine. If she can crochet or make something with her hands to keep busy then that's fine. Maybe she likes flowers and that would be nice to have around (even fake ones, she in time won't know the difference). You can bring out pictures and see if she remembers who is who in the family. Celebrate holidays and small things and include her. Even though her memory goes, she's still in her body, she's still will have feelings so don't talk "about" her within earshot or she will feel hurt. She may get depressed so going for walks and getting a little sun when appropriate is good. If you have old music that might help. But if not, that's ok too.

I went home once to see my mom and she didn't remember me, didn't know me at all. I asked her if she could do something she liked to do what would it be, and she said "sewing". So she did remember she liked to sew. I heard that people who go into alzheimers and dementia sometimes go back in their mind to childhood, even to start talking a foreigh language if they began their life speaking another language. See if she remembers her childhood friends and such from way back.

Answer 2

First, if she hasn't had her medications evaluated by her primary care physician, get this done. Take her and all of her meds to her doc to find out if any of the meds or combination of meds could be contributing to her dementia. This is more common that you might think. Some elderly people go to multiple doctors who don't coordinate their meds.

I don't think that you need to tell her that she's repeating herself. It won't do any good, and it will just frustrate both of you. As far as lost items are concerned, of course, you should help her find what she's lost. I've found it very helpful to take inventory of my mom's possessions before we go out. That way I can gently remind her to pick up her purse, coat, etc. so that she doesn't leave anything behind.

Sometimes with forgetfulness comes some paranoia that people are stealing from her. I think that this is also a part of the frustration of dementia. She doesn't believe that she could forget or misplace so many things. Again, helping her find out where the missing items are seems to settle her down.

If your mother-in-law must take medication, it is helpful to get daily pill minders so that you guys can organize her med for her on a weekly basis. As long as she knows what day of the week it is, she should be able to keep up with her medications more easily and efficiently.

I wish you all the best. I know from personal experience how difficult this problem can be for everyone involved. She is a very lucky woman to have a caring family like you.

Answer 3

Reminding a person that they are forgetful is really pointless. They are going to forget you said so. It is best (I think) to allow them the dignity of answering their question as many times as you need to.

This is such a hard thing to deal with....when someone who was once a stable force in your life becomes the one who needs care, it is a struggle....here is some advice for you and your family....

Make sure to give the care-givers a break frequently. Anyone who is dealing with this full time gets overtaxed quickly. Try to keep life as normal as possible.

Love one another....blessings on you.

Answer 4

Ignore any errors in her judgement, if she forgets something don't remind her of the incident...treat every conversation as if it's the only one unless she indicates differently.
Remember she may say a lot that she doesn't mean and don't take it personally.
I wish you luck, my grandfather had Dementia & it's a very heartbreaking illness for the family.

Answer 5

be patient and dont argue with her.