My husband and I have been married 3 years to the day in a few days - and I have also found out i was PG - we were not actively TTC, but also not doing anything to prevent a pregnancy.
He has two children from a previous relationship, and when we got married he said he wanted more but at the right time. We're at the right point in my opinion and honestly the risk of having a tubal pg for me is high which if this is a normal pregnancy I of course would never want to abort. I wouldn't want to abort anyway except for medical life/death reasons.
He says I have to get one. I'm very fustrated and concerned - I originally said I don't want to consider kids till about 2010 (I would be early 30s) but well we were blessed now.
He didn't say he would leave me, but then again he obviously believes in divorce as he has before so I don't want to risk losing him and my family.
2007-08-30 16:47:00 · 31 answers · asked by Nic. 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I don't know if he *would* leave me if I kept the baby as he hasn't said either way or the other.
I too am prochoice, but personally for myself feel we are ready for a child and would love to welcome a baby to the world. I'm going to the doctor on teh 15th and it was reassuring to hear the comments and know I'm not completely off base.
Unfortunately I can easily see a counselor but he's serbian (I too speek serbian) and there isn't a serbian counselor in the area...I would have to translate everything :(
2007-08-30 17:05:28 · update #1
what kind of a man did you marry? you sound like you already know that aborting this baby would be a horrible mistake, so I won't waste my time with that...BUT you also need to really re-evaluate the man you chose to make this baby with. If he would in fact leave you if you didn't kill his child, then he isn't a man you should be with anyway. You must be having such a hard time with this!!! Honestly what would you really loose if he walked away over this, a jerk of a man. Keep your baby!
2007-08-30 16:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by katiebug 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If he has other kids, he doubtless has some idea of how they are made, so if he didn't do anything to prevent a pregnancy and went along with the idea of you not contracepting either, he has no business demanding that you abort. Talk to your doctor about the possibility of a tubal pregnancy. In the mean time, do not let anyone bully you into an abortion you do not want. (He could divorce you anyway, couldn't he, children or no?)
Why would you lose your family if he took off or told you to leave? Is he worth ending a pregnancy over? How will you feel if you let him convince you? How will you feel if you let him convince you and you lose him anyway?
At the very least, find someone to talk with about it all who can be objective and help you sort it out.
2007-08-31 00:00:16 · answer #2 · answered by adoptive mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Somehow I don't see possibly losing a man trying to force you to abort your own child as much of a risk. If those are his true colors, perhaps that would be a blessing in disguise.
I mean, come on! He already has two children with another woman -- so he can't say he's not ready to be a father. And he did nothing to prevent this pregnancy, which certainly seems to be the way to go if you're not ready for more children. In other words, I'd just tell him, "sorry, pal. What's done is done, and abortion is NOT just another form of birth control. See you in a few months, Daddy." ;)
Don't let him force you to do anything. If he tries to, there's obviously much more wrong here (with him) than just bad timing. Enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, sweetie! It's a wonderful time.
2007-08-30 23:59:55 · answer #3 · answered by Irish Mommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Abortion is murder. I dont think anyone should choose to kill an innocent baby....there are better options like adoption. I dont believe you should get an abortion just because your husband doesnt want you to have a baby....what do you want? Your the one carrying the kid and giving birth.... So your choosing between your baby and your husband? Why dont you just stick with the pregnancy see how you feel about it and your husband...than decide whether you want to keep the baby or give it up for an adoption. Abortion isnt the answer...that doesnt solve any problems. Adoption is the best way to go at least you know your baby will be given to a couple who might not beable to have kids or a couple that just wants to spread their love to more kids than just their biological children. Just think about it.........abortion= life long guilt..........
2007-08-31 00:01:15 · answer #4 · answered by anne_m_taylor01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is only a question you can answer for yourself. I was in a difficult situation and had to choose to keep a baby or abort it. I chose to have her and its the best thing in my entire life. I wish I were married when it happened but I ended up getting pregnant with someone I just started dating. Things are working out good with us but its tough. I personally feel that abortions are a womens choice but they should be responsible. I dont think its fair to use it like birth control. I know your afraid of loosing your husband but would you ever forgive him after you'd abort? Just something to think about. I know its a tough choice and I'm not trying to be judgemental. I just hope you weigh all your options so that you dont have a deep regret down the road. My baby is such a gift in my life. I couldnt of asked for anything more.
2007-08-30 23:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by lovelylady 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you do do not get an abortion you know you dont want to and you should not why kill an inoccent baby just think if your mother or his mother had gottten one you never would have met what you need to do is not get one and if he reallly is not wanting one consider either A) Divorcing his sorry A** or B) adoption there are to many women out there that can not concieve and there are ppl like your husband that just want to kill an inoccent child that will never get to do all the stuff any of us got to do
2007-08-31 00:31:28 · answer #6 · answered by lovin life 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend at the time my son was conceived in 2005 also told me that i had to get an abortion. In my opinion this is 100 % your decision. My opinion is also that a child is inocent and should not be "put to death" because it was the wrong time. This child would not have happened if it wasn't the right time. I believe in god, and He would not hand you this child if it wasn't the right time. This is 100% your decision, your body. Think about your decision before you go through with anything. I hope you make the right decision that is best in your life.
2007-08-30 23:57:53 · answer #7 · answered by new_baby_2006 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can't understand people who don't do anything to actively prevent pregnancy but then get all bent out of shape when it actually happens.
You have sex, you know the consequences. Failed contraception is one thing but your husband is in essence trying to get you to use abortion as a contraceptive strategy and I'm sorry but that's just wrong.
Please don't fall for him saying "it's me or the baby" - because if he does then he can't want to be married to you too badly. For better, for worse and all that - those vows are serious to a lot of people and forcing you to abort your child makes a mockery of the whole thing.
I suggest that you see a counsellor as quickly as you can - an independent third party who you can talk to at length about this, first on your own, and then with your husband.
Ultimately, it's up to you, but I'd be questioning his commitment to the relationship overall. Just my opinion.
2007-08-30 23:56:58 · answer #8 · answered by SydneyMum101 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry but for a partner let alone a husband to ask you to do that, that is so wrong. What did he think that you two were just going to keep on having unprotected sex and not get pregnant?
My partner and i were not trying for a baby but we werent using protection and i got pregnant. We both knew it would happen at some point but we wanted a baby too. If he turnt around to me after i got pregnant and said you have to get an abortion i would tell him were to go cause if he didnt want me to get pregnant he should have said so and we would have worn protection but he has been very supportive and he loves this baby because it is apart of him and he is 23 years old!
Im sorry but what he has said to you is very selfish, he already has kids of his own so it doesnt bother him but this is your first child and to me it sounds like a bit of a miracle baby for you. Dont get rid of this baby it's apart of you and if he doesnt want the baby then he is just gonna have to leave he has no right to get you pregnant and then tell you to abort!
Do what you feel is right this is your baby too, and if he leaves then so be it but this child should not have to die because he didnt want to wear protection!
Congrats on your little one and i wish you and your bub all the best!
2007-08-31 00:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I often think counselors and psychologists are over-rated, but this is definitely a case where one may be useful. You both need a place to air your feelings and I think you need a mediator. Your husband needs to realize that he can't take it so lightly. There are long-term emotional consequenses to abortion, even for women that wanted to get them. I know a woman who can't stand the sound of a vaccum. There can also be physical consequenses too, like higher risk of certain cancers.
My father vehemently didn't want kids when my mother decided she did. He ended up being a great Dad and I get sick of having him tell me the story of my birth. Point is-there's hope.
2007-08-31 00:11:10 · answer #10 · answered by mel1026 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋