i recently gave birth to my baby boy. but saw some porn in my husbands computer. he told me he needed to be satisfied and he did this so not to drift off. what you ladies say or do?
2007-08-30 16:12:50 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Me personally - take a good look at why it upsets you. Do you honestly feel he's cheating on you by looking at porn and "playing with himself"? Or are you upset because he can still have sex/be pleasured while you have to wait for the Dr. to say it's safe?
Men masturbate - and most of the time they look at porn as a "help" - and most times they aren't ashamed of it. Women masturbate also - again porn is usually involved - but it's kept more of a secret, as though they are ashamed of it.
I am married, and we have children. During 2 of my pregnancies, I was not allowed to have sex as they were high risk pregnancies. While for the most part my hubby was willing to wait, there were nights he needed release. Sometimes I helped, other times he'd have porn as a help. We've always been very open with each other about our sex life - no, we don't share, but we watch porn together, indulge each other in fantasies (again, ones only involving the 2 of us), and keep ourselves and each other interested in each other. We haven't stopped doing things just because we're an "old married couple with kids" - we've actually become more active in our intimacies, deepening and strengthening our bond.
As for your comment about him saying he "did this not to drift off" - if he's implying he was masturbating so he wouldn't stray and cheat on you, the guy has some serious issues that need to be addressed by the both of you!
2007-08-30 17:28:19 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Ariana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Porn is not only addicting, it's a form of cheating. It's never OK to look at another woman when you are married. Ever. Watching porn is like inviting a couple to join you while you are having sex with your husband. A sexual relationship should be private, husband and wife, and that's it. It's a sacred thing, and he has gone outside the marriage for satisfaction.
I would tell him that you don't agree with it. Ask him if he has a problem with it, and if so, there is help available to overcome it. My brother in law went through this and he is completely against it now. It is extremely addicting, and if he is already into it, then he may already be hooked. Don't let this go any farther. You shouldn't put up with this, if he isn't willing to stop.
Here is a great book:
2007-08-30 16:29:51 · answer #2 · answered by jezuzgirl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Looking and lusting after another woman when you are married is wrong. If you think it's okay, you morals have slacked. I don't think it is too much to ask for my husband to only lust after me. I realize if he sees a pretty woman when we are out he will look for a second, but to overtly seek out pornographic material is wrong.
Saying that "it's okay, all guys do it" is just a way to rationalize the behavior. If you do not like it, then say so and don't allow him to do it. I told my husband I would absolutely not put up with that behavior before we got married and I have stuck by that boundary.
I keep him very satisfied and were sexy clothes so he has no reason to need porn.
2007-08-30 16:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm...lets see, if it wasn't porn...he would cheat on you? is that what he told you? how about just loving you? that's not enough to stay faithful these days? look...if he has a sick curiosity, that's one thing, but to actually say..."its this or i screw someone else"...yeah that's not cool. looking at porn isn't so much an issue in my house, it's doing so when my back is turned. and looking at porn instead of having sex with me would be a problem. if my husband bought porn i'd watch it with him. but to make such an effort to hide it...is wrong. in my opinion, anything you do should be able to be done while your spouse is looking over your shoulder. if that can't be done....it shouldn't be done.
2007-08-30 16:23:27 · answer #4 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I never thought as porn as cheating but i guess it could be.... He could have just waited it out for you though. I think as long as he does not fantasize about women than you are ok . He should only want to have sex with you and you only. But yes, masterbation is normal. :0 good luck!
2007-08-30 21:34:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is extremely normal. If it becomes an excessive habit, then you need to address it differently, but If it is just an occasional thing, it's very normal. Don't feel like he isn't attracted to you, or he wanted to look at other women. It really isn't about that. Men are visual, and they like to get turned on...if that is the worst thing he has done your going to be okay. Just let him know that you are a little uncomfortable when he hides it. Good communication is key to a good marriage.
2007-08-30 16:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by lifeisgood 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is normal. Men are not built to go without like women. I will never know why but as long as it keeps him home I am pretty sure there is nothing to worry about. If it is bothering you be open and talk to him about what he needs. Then let him what you need so you both are on the same playing field. Right now he really needs to be helping you out. Good luck and congratulations!
2007-08-30 16:25:05 · answer #7 · answered by imbford 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Your question is very common. You should sit down with him and talk about it with him. If he feels as they he is not satisfied he shouldn't be looking at those websites. Try not to worry too much but don't be a push over about it either. Goodluck
2007-08-30 16:28:38 · answer #8 · answered by TELO 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What is the big deal? Would you be upset if you found a Playboy under the bed? Stop being so threatened... you really think this is the first time you were not there when he ***ed?
The "drift off" comment was rather lame.
2007-08-30 16:21:57 · answer #9 · answered by lily 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I would be very offended if that happened to me to be honest!!
he could wait....if i was you i would do the same to him and i would give him the same excuse...that way he knows how it feels because what he did is cheating
2007-08-30 16:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by La Misma! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋