"I'm not ready for a serious relationship"....BS!!!?

Question

My bf is 9 years older then me (26/35). he's been going through a tough divorce for 2 years and it is final in a few months. we've been together for about 3 months now and i just got the "i'm not ready for a serious relationship" talk. I understand...but this is also not the kind of guy you give up so easily. i decided to be patient and continue to see him. How do i make him want me sooo bad without being pushy? and how do i prove our relationship would be nothing like his past? (i think he knows that but is scared...obviously)

I am not his first relationship since he separated...i didn't ask the right thing. i know he wants me but what i meant to ask is how do i prove to him that not all women are the same and that i would never hurt him...like he was in the past?

Answer 1

Girl! Take it easy on him. After all the divorce has been rough and is barely final. Give it some time, be there for him, be his ALL. Let the relationship speak for it's self, then he'll realize that you are where he needs to be.

Answer 2

You can't "make" someone "want" you bad. He either already does or doesn't. Look, your boyfriend is trying to be very open and honest with you. He sees that you have feelings for him, but it's obvious that he doesn't feel the same way, otherwise, he would be jumping over hoops for you. But he's not. In fact, he's doing just the opposite. The fact that you're trying so hard to sway him over to you indicates two things: 1) that he's not that into you and 2) that you're not even hearing or believing what he's telling you. He's made it very clear to you that he doesn't want to take this relationship to a serious level. And, if he feels like this after 3 months, it will probably be worse after another 3 months. Move on.

Answer 3

I can relate to that. When I was 31, I got out of a rather bad 5 year relationship and quickly found I was a most wanted commodity. I met a lot of lovely ladies but I wasn't ready for anything serious, and a lot of those ladies tried to convince me they were "the" one. But when I was over the other one and I'd met one that I didn't want to lose, I bit the bullet. And we're still together nearly 20 years later. He will when he's ready, don't push too hard but make sure he doesn't forget you either.

Answer 4

oh honey....it's "i'm not ready for a serious relationship with you" men always leave that last part out so he doesn't hurt your feelings. no man is ever that scared. you know the stories. a woman hears that from a guy and four months later she finds out the guy she dumped got married. his past relationship has nothing to do with you. and has nothing to do with his decision not to be in a relationship with you. sticking it out is only wasting your time. move on to someone that WANTS to be in a relationship with you.

Answer 5

He is being honest and upfront. LISTEN to what he is saying!

You may not WANT to hear this from him- but he is saying it loud and clear.
Many times we expect men will change, so we hang around and give them time to "wake up" and realize we are right....SURPRISE! It doesn't work that way!

He is finally ending a relationship...The last thing he wants is to feel like he's about to enter another one. A divorce is similar to death...It is the death of dreams and illusions you once had; and everybody needs to have a mourning period.

You sound a bit selfish and immature...You are thinking that he is "the one" for you and you want him to feel like this too.
Well....I'm sorry to say chances are slim for you.
Rebound relationships rarely last.

Answer 6

It's an old rule of thumb (and I've found it to be true) that after the end of a long relationship, by breakup, divorce, or death, the first relationship is never for keeps, it is for therapy. I have been on both sides of that and found it true in both cases. I was widowed, my first was therapy. I later dated a woman who had just divorced. I was her therapy. Good luck with this guy, but you may just be his therapy.

Answer 7

you can't prove that to him..it is something he has to know for himself..when a man tells you he is not ready for a serious relationship in my experience "take him at his word "we as women tend to try to fix the man or think if we do a certain thing he'll want us...he will not take the relationship to the next level until he is good and ready....

Answer 8

Likely he's not ready for a serious relationship. You can't 'make him' do anything or think any way.

The reading list below can act as a source for you. Most of the titles can be found in your local library. If they don't have them they can borrow them from another library.


Boundaries, Dependency Relationships, Ownership Relationships
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dependency-Relationships-Ownership-Relationships/lm/R2W4O3LZTGGCXN/ref=cm_lm_byauthor_title_full/002-3352010-2594421

Answer 9

Well whatever you do, don't SMOTHER him. Leave him the hell alone for a while. Let him go sleep with a bunch of other people to get it out of his system. If it's you he truly wants, HE'LL come back to YOU. But, "making him want you" is not a realistic goal. give that up. If he wants you, he wants you. If not, nothing you can do can change that.

Leave him alone. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

Answer 10

You were involved with a married man, of course he isn't going to stick with you. Just because he was "going through" a divorce when you met didn't mean he WAS divorced. He was still legally married, you just made yourself available to be used and that's all he wanted. Now that he is no longer married he doesn't want a woman with so little self respect that she would allow herself to be used by a married man, he wants a woman who has morals and values and self respect. He isn't scared...he doesn't want a relationship with you.