I am black and I have been dating this girl for about 5 years. We both have good secure jobs and I wanna marry her. My mother doesn't know about us but mom always told me never to date white because I could get hurt. And my grandmother says I should never date white and if she is blonde/blue eyes I am sure I will die. Well she is bright blonde and she has Ice blue eyes.
My mother is catching on to us because I slipped up and said something. Her parents don't know either.
Mom is just really defensive I think and just doesn't want me to get hurt(I won't). She doesn't oppose them but she always tell me to take the safest path.
Dad doesn't care.
I love her not because she is white but because she stole my heart.
I am about to propose to her and I just wanted someone to tell me experieneces.
2007-08-30 15:10:36 · 29 answers · asked by BlackMN 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been married to my husband for 4 years and he's white,we dated for 3 before we got married. It's never been a black/white thing between us. I wasn't looking for a white husband, but I fell in love with him because of his personality. He respects me and my culture as I do him. I think the one thing we really had a problem with was our first Thanksgiving together, because he would eat pumpkin pie and mac n' cheese from a box and I had never had pumpkin pie only sweet potato. So now every year we have 2 pies.
My mom was in shock when we first started dating until I got deployed and he came around and helped out at our family restaurant, now she loves him. All my family love him,so we don't have any drama.
Every once in a while some stranger we talk some mess,but we don't let it affect us. That's the love of my life.
Good luck to you, if you love this girl then marry her, your parents will get over it if they truly care about you.
2007-08-30 15:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by lily_shaine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations, you must really love this woman. I married a woman of the same race, so I cant really provide you with my past experience. Love has no color--too bad not everybody feels this way. I've noticed in the south people are not as accepting to interracial couples. So, unless you live in the South, I wouldn't lose any sleep as to what people have to say. Montreal, Canada had alot of multiracial couples and it seem acceptable. Your mother and grandmother were raced in a total different era. Where being a interracial couple wasn't accepted, so I understand why they are worried. You should be "OK" having a wife of a different race. I would just be a little more careful in the southern part of the United States. Good Luck!
2007-09-07 15:25:24 · answer #2 · answered by Rafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's a silly notion to think just because she's white she's going to break your heart....Does that mean that for every black man who's married a black woman there's never been a broken heart?...Interracial marriages will indeed have their share of problems, part of it is cultural differences, but they aren't anything that can't be overcome...Every marriage will have it's hurdles but that's where love comes in...You two love each other and that is the basis for any successful relationship.
You should give up the notion that everyone on both sides of your families is going to be happy about it, there's always going to be fear on either side, mostly due to ignorance...Not to put anyone down, it's just a fact, our prejudices are usually rooted in ignorance. Based on stereo-typing rather than first hand knowledge...
You two might think about going to a marriage counselor 'before' tying the knot. They are experts in the field and they will walk you two through some of the road blocks you may be facing, they will ask you the hard questions and help you to understand the problems you may face and give you a battle plan...
Instead of sneaking, you both need to tell your parents how you feel about each other and tell them you've been in a relationship for 5 years, and it's not a fling...Let them know where you stand and that you've given it a lot of thought...
The one thing that concerns me is that your girlfriend is a thief, you may want her to come clean on the fact that she's stolen your heart, I would highly recommend that you forgive her and hold her tight.... -- Good Luck!
2007-09-05 15:37:54 · answer #3 · answered by Domino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mate. I have never been an a multi-racial relationship but I've still got some advice for you. It sounds like you really love this girl and want to spend your life with her. I was in a relationship with a girl a few years ago and we were going to get married but her father didn't like me so the controlling father got his way. she left me and broke my heart. i now know that she has regretted this decision. The two of you cant spend your lives worrying what other people think. if they don't like it that's their problem and you all will have to work around that. even if by chance the marriage didn't work out do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what if? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MARRY THE GIRL!!! Good luck to you buddy. and if you can, let me know what happens. I'd really like to know.
2007-09-07 05:25:07 · answer #4 · answered by chef 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not married, but I would marry by boyfriend. We have been dating for 5 years and he is black and I am white. He has mostly dated white women and so his parents are used to it, although I think they would like to see him with a black woman. I know both of them and I talk to his dad on the phone, periodically. His mom is ill with a disease much like altzheimer's, so talking to her isn't possible, though I had met her before she became very ill.
My dad is deceased, but I don't think he would have liked it, but I wouldn't have cared. I don't think my mom is 100% for it, but it is my life. I love him and I will do what I want. We have an amazing connection and he is my best friend. I'm 38 and I'm old enough to know what I want. I love him dearly.
2007-09-06 23:31:49 · answer #5 · answered by A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How Ironic. I have both blonde hair and blue eyes, and my fiance is black. Let me tell you this: it's your life and you should marry whomever you want If you don't, you'll be miserable and that's not worth ANYONE'S disapproval. But I think that you should have her meet your parents and vice versa BEFORE you propose. At least let your guy's parents get used to the idea of your relationship before you marry. And if her dad is anything like mine, he'll NOT be happy if you ask her to marry you before you ask him first (my dad is real old fashioned). Good luck and have a happy life!
2007-09-06 16:13:49 · answer #6 · answered by Courtney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am A white Canadian woman and I married a Nigerian (African) our lives were very different and you have to learn to develop a thick skin.
Even tho it is 2007, some people still believe that we should not mix races. I disagree but there are many others that believe that.
Just remember to trust each other cause in reality its the two of you in the relationship, not you, her and everyone else. IF she is what makes your heart skip a beat and you believe that she is the one, then follow your heart.
Good Luck!
2007-09-06 12:04:48 · answer #7 · answered by darlin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same experience for me...we were dating for 5 years...my husband is PR and looks strikingly like your avatar. I'm white, mostly German Irish...My family didnt even ask until I got pregnant and was filling out a form that asked what my babys race was...
On the other hand his stepmother (who is black--very ethnicity oriented) flipped out and started calling me the white devil...she said my people killed Jesus...and this and that. Well it turns out she has Alzheimer's (his dad was very old and remarried, long story). And even SHE got over it. Now whenever she sees me she hugs me (when she remembers I'm not the white devil working for the FBI, that is, again...long story)
I think that if her parents are accepting of you it would be a good idea if her mom met your mom before you sat them down and told them you were getting married. Your mom is probably afraid that she will have to choose between her family and you, and will break your heart. I think once she is comforted, she will realize SHE is the one getting in between.
2007-08-30 22:39:33 · answer #8 · answered by ☺☻☺☻☺☻ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am part Native American (Cherokee) and my husband is a full blooded Filipino....he was adopted by his American parents when he was 4. I never even notice the difference....because I don't see color...my family has welcomed him and has never said anything negative about him. I think your mom is very wrong to say not to date white women...that you will get hurt....what are the guarantees that you will not get hurt by dating black women? I think you should marry who you love...no matter if they are white, black, blue, green, purple, or any other color imaginable.
2007-08-30 22:17:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are in an interracial relationship it is difficult. I have been in one for seven years. One parent hates it and the other has no opinion. For the man i am seeing and myself, we see it this way. it doesn't matter what the parents say or feel. If you love each other then the color of a persons skin should not keep them from being together. remember you are marring her not them.
2007-08-31 18:06:31 · answer #10 · answered by Legal Eagle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋