How can someone be comfortable with not wanting to change the negative aspects of themselves?

Question

Someone who dosent want to improve their situation and instead will wallow in it. Is this choice real? Do they really want to live that way or lets say when the opportunity presents itself to become better they refuse to be involved? why is that?

Answer 1

Not wanting to and not being able to are two completely different things. It's the only choice some of them have, strangely enough! They don't see positive or helpful situations as opportunities to get better. They see a situation and CANNOT involve themselves. No one wants to live that way but sometimes they see no way out of the black hole in which they live. Denial is a problem for all of us, especially them. Change is a problem for all of us, especially them. Fear is a problem for all of us, especially them. So, who are they? They are me, they could be you and anyone who lives and breathes. I am clinically depressed and on medication that helps me to live normally again. It took a long time for me to see it and admit it. It takes even longer to get through it and become whole again and there, but for the grace of God, go you.

When you encounter someone like that or if a friend suddenly begins to change into the kind of person you describe...help them to help themselves. Be kind, be gentle, don't accuse, don't expect and don't blame. Suggest, describe what you see in a loving way, don't leave them out...they do a good enough job of that themselves, put your arm around their shoulder and put your love out there as a lifeline. One day, you may feel a tug or maybe you won't. Allow them to reach their bottom in their time because it cannot be rushed. Simply be there for them and until they bring it up, try not to have every conversation contain the same theme. Mix it up and bring it up here and there. Ask them how they're feeling and be satisfied with the answer. The illness they have cannot be seen by the naked eye. If you saw someone without legs and who couldn't speak, would you place their food just out of their reach so they couldn't get it? No, you wouldn't because you can see their need and you have empathy. In this case you can't see it but you can feel it and that's good enough. If they need you, hopefully they'll call. In the meantime, just keep them in your thoughts and prayers. Good luck!

Answer 2

Everyone has negative attributes. If someone knows they can fix themselves, and live a better life and be in a better situation, and they won't do it, then that's their choice. Maybe they like living that way, or they're just too lazy to snatch the opportunity when it comes.

Answer 3

I knew a sort of Miss Scarlet type drama queen who had a very violent & jealous husband. He was always slamming everyone in sight. There were times you would of thought he was going to kill her.

She lived in a fantasy world where she saw herself as capable but she was scared to do anything. She never got honest with herself.

I realize that many woman who get killed in domestic violence situations are like her to proud to divorce the guy. And foolish enough to bail him out of jail. Gee she may lose so much if it went to a divorce court.

Why is it ? It takes guts to admit you've invested a lot into something that won't work and it's time to dump it and start over.

Answer 4

1-) Could possibly be that they neglect to see the full potential of themselves or the opportunity presented. 2-) Its easier for them to wallow in their pity rather than put forth some effort in removing themselves from their pit and moving forward. I would say 1of the 2.

Answer 5

Hi Broz215, YES it is very real, some people are very comfortable with their own situation and it all depends on what or who will out do their bad situation to over come it not to necessarily make it a good one but just to THERE likings,Bob.

Answer 6

There's about a zillion reasons that sum up to the obvious-they didn't want to do it.