Is it worth it to stay in this marriage?

Question

After being married for 5 years, together 7, I must admit that I've lost that loving feeling a few months after marrying my husband. He said some mean things to me and ever since then the love I had slipped away little by little. We have different interests; I like the outdoors and I'm an active person, but he would rather play World of Warcraft all day long. When I ask him to do something with me such as hiking or canoeing, he would get all upset and we get into the biggest fights. I can't see myself playing WoW all day or even for just an hour a week either.

That's not the only problem. I just don't have any attraction towards my husband anymore, but I would hate to be labeled as a divorcee. I'm only 30, should I walk out now if I'm not happy?

Yes, I have tried. I tried going back to Hawaii where we got married, small getaways, and he was still a b*tch about it. It hurt me a lot that when were going to go canoeing, he gave me the most hatred look and attitude just for trying. It doesn't help that he leaves almost everything to me, even fixing up the house and car. I feel hopeless.

Answer 1

The most mis-understood word in language is "love". we use it describe the feelings of our significant other, our children, our family, our garden...but wait it's more detailed than that. Each and every thing we come into contact with has a degree of "love" or "hate".

When you met your husband the love is new...most often times than not it is described as "lust". Because it's the sexual desire of wanting them near you at all times.

But after living together and actually "being" a part of their lives every second of every day...you realize that it's more than sex. I mean seriously, any person after 5 years of marriage is NOT going to look at their husband/wife/whatever and come home from work and knock down the door and start having those dream sexual encounters you always fantasized would happen when you're in a committed relationship.

Nope. It's about being able to balance each other. My husband and I went through that "lost that loving feeling". We even filed for a divorce. 3 days before it was final...we realized that if we weren't together...can we imagine being with anybody else?

Here we are 4 years later and getting ready to renew our vows. (yeah, divorce went through before we could stop it...at least we stopped ourselves...)

Imagine what your life would TRULY be like without him. Who will take care of you when your sick? Who will laugh with your triumphs? Who will hold you up when your job seriously sucks and the world is crumbling around you?

If he's done these things for you...does it matter if you want to go outside and enjoy the outdoors while he whittles around on his computer? (Trust me...my husband does those 3 day weekends where he goes off to some warehouse and geeks out with a bunch of guys at least once a year!!)

I look at those times as my solitude time. the time to do what I need to fulfill my own vices.

And try playing the video game...I hated playing games before he got me to try it one day...now we play together once a week....Usually against each other...
:)
It makes for great competition...

So think about it...Can you wake up tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that...without knowing that he's there?

That's what matters.

Answer 2

Don't worry about being labeled a divorcee. Concern youself more with what's best for you. You're still young. You don't mention one very important point. Do you have any children and, if so, how are they affected by this?

You might regret your decision, even if it's the best one for you to leave him, if you didn't seek marital counseling first. Ask your doctor for the name of a great marriage counselor, see the counselor together, and give it your best shot. I've been married many years and have been through tougher times than you mention and have fallen in love with my husband many times over again, and yes we have had counseling through the years. We bring our cars in for tune-ups, but we expect our marriages to run perfectly without any help; it just doesn't make sense.

You may find after marital counseling that you won't even need to ask this question because, after working on the problems, the decision to stay or leave will be much more clear to you. The counselor won't make the decision for you, but a good counselor will help clear your mind. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Maybe you should see a marriage counselor or a pastor of your church. I can tell you that neither one of you seem to be putting effort into the marriage if you don't want to play wow-and he don't want to go hiking or out doors activities. When you don't do things together--you fall apart-- Maybe you are both too selfish to want to make the marriage work. I would say to try to find other interest for the two of you --maybe you could both reach a higher level if you both just gave in a little and do some of the things that make each other happy, If neither of you are willing to try then I would have to say your marriage is pretty well about to end. When you don't care enough to try to meet each other half way--then there is nothing left to work toward. It is so sad that so many marriages end in a horrible divorce and yes you will be labeled a divorcee once you end your marriage. Let me tell you something!!! Life will NOT be better with a another one -- -if you didn't try with this one. Don't adopt a pattern of running away from things that aren't just like you want them to be. You will be running the rest of your life if you do--People have to work at marriage-- Its worth it to make it work.

Answer 4

It is worth doing everything possible like going to a marriage counselor to help you and your husband deal with your differences. There is the so called 7 year itch in a marriage. Besides, there is also the matter of learning to accept your differences and respecting each other. Love after all is more than an emotion; it is more of a decision. You decide to accept, respect and love a person, especially your husband, in spite of many things. If after doing all things possible to keep the marriage intact, you dont get the cooperation of your husband, then let go and give yourself the chance to be truly happy. Remember that you need to have an open communication. Communicate to him what you want, but keep calm and dont start a verbal abuse. Be gentle with yourself as well. It takes two to tango as the cliche goes.

Answer 5

Damm! U should be my new friend and my new 2 nd wife!!!! I would love to go canoeing and hiking with you!!! I am also an outdoors and active person to the extreme! I'll swapped my indoor, inactive wife with your husband. I am 40. I am also having marriage problems. I struggle very hard to be as happy as possible, even when things have never gone right in my marriage life. I am too Super Extremely Scared to get a Divorce!!!

Answer 6

If you have no children, and don't think you would have some huge guilt problems about not living up to your vows and such it might just be easier to leave. Like sit down real diplomatically like and lay it all out for him and leave. I'm pretty much in the same boat, but we have a son so it's not that easy. I even know what you mean about him saying mean things in the beginning and it slowly killing your love for him...

I have to believe that if you ever really loved him that you could be happy with him again, but it would take much work.
Try marriage builders maybe?

Some support for having been neglected for games http://www.gamerwidow.com

Answer 7

YES YES YES. Leave now. You haven't loved him since day one. It's not fair to either one of you. Cut him free, he's still a young man. At least give him the opportunity to find someone who will love him. And the next time someone says something mean to you....how does the saying go.....cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Oh, and one more thing, staying in the marriage just because you don't want to be labeled a divorcee is a totally selfish, bitchy thing to do!

Answer 8

Honestly, I am going through the worst times of my life with my partner right now. I have become selfish in the fact that I want to spend as much time together as possible and I don't believe that we should put anything above our relationship (such as our jobs or friends). I know that I want to spend the rest of my life committed to my honey, but right now I have no idea how that is going to be... I would love to get out right now, but I know I would never do that! Maybe, well if you're both willing to, you should try some kind of therapy...I know I need it right now! Good Luck and I hope you find happiness in whatever you do!

Answer 9

Even though marriage is something that you should work on, this day and age its very hard. If you truly feel like the love is gone, and if you can picture your life without this man, then you must make a decision. I mean, no amount of counseling is going to change the way you feel in your heart. And don't worry about being "labeled" ...this is YOUR life.

Answer 10

If you have made every attempt to fall in love again and its just not working you should leave and get a divorce. I am 29 and after 8 years of marriage I fianlly had enough and decided to be a Divorcee!! Its not bad. Life is to short to be so unhappy. I think everyone deserves the chance to be happy. So go find it.