I'm a newlywed (5 months married). 1st marriage for both. Found out my husband registered on a site designed to find other people who live nearby and want to have sex. He says he was working, saw semi-naked women on a pop up & looked further. When he clicked to see more, the site said he had to register, so he did. That's it, he says. No intent to cheat. My husband likes sex. A lot. Not a surprise to me. Looking at porn once in a while MAYBE wouldn't bother me (but probably would - why lie?), but actually registering for a site specifically for finding people to have sex with screams CHEATER to me. Any other opinions are really welcome - I want some other points of view before I walk out of my marriage with my daughter, who adores her daddy. Advice? Thanks!
2007-08-30 12:48:54 · 25 answers · asked by Grá 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What do YOU think?
2007-08-30 13:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by K M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to give it some time and see if there are any other red flags... even registering for a site to look at half naked women doesn't necessarily mean cheater.. and to be honest, even if you caught him writing, doesn't mean to necessarily to walk out of a marriage with your husband when you have a child.
Clearly keep your eyes open, be straight forward and communicate with him about your feelings about this and how you will not tolerate it (since that is how you feel), then, give it time and see what happens...
Also, depending on how you feel about it, would you consider looking at the site with him? It would surely turn him on and help open communciation in your marriage, plus you won't have to worry about what he's hiding.
Divorce is the last resort, and not the first.
2007-08-30 19:53:49 · answer #2 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It might be the illusion for him. The thought of cheating without actually cheating. We all have these weird fantasies and looking online is by no means cheating. You need to be more open minded... Looking at porn is natuarl for men and women so no big deal. If he meets someone on that site then there is more to talk about. Tell him if he wants to look at porn then fine but don't lie and don't look elsewhere for what you have at home. Trust me... it is never worth ruining. Good luck!
2007-08-30 19:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by Another Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are some other things to watch:
1) He won't let you see his cell phone.
2) He won't let you see the cell phone bill.
3) He works late often,
4) He never has an money.
5) He won't let you see the credit card statement.
6) He has new friends.
7) He has joined a gym and bought a new wardrobe.
8) He is not interested in you.
9) He never seems to be around.
10) If you accuse him of cheating, he will accuse you of cheating on him. (This is the true test!)
2007-08-30 20:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I have to say is that your gut instinct is always right. I was married before and I found out that my ex was looking at adult websites. I tried to ignore the fact that anything was wrong but it was driving me crazy. I knew in my gut that something wasnt right. The more I would question him, the more defensive he got. Thats because he knew that I found out...He tried to sound all innocent and dumb me I wanted to believe him. As time went on, I saw that he was cheating. Its really a matter of how well do you know him and trust him. Do you believe him, really or do feel something is wrong? A woman knows if her man is cheating. The only question is, do we want to believe it, or pretend its not happening to us... If you think he is, then you need to put your child first. Just because you walk away doesnt mean your child has to forget her father, it just means you wont all be under the same roof waiting for him.
2007-08-30 20:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by maria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact you would be bothered with your husband watching porn tells a lot about your relationship and security levels. I completely respect someone who is not interested in porn, but to force their distaste for it on their partner (and one who likes sex A LOT) does not seem fair or reasonable. I don't want to sound like a *****, but the hard fact is this: Spice it up for your hubby, watch some light porn or get off his case about being sexually curious. A satisfied man has no reason to cheat. I don't think your husband is cheating, but he is obviously not feeling satisfied and is very curious about other people's sexual lifestyles. He probably thinks the grass is greener with these more sexually liberated people. maybe he has fetishes and fantasies he would like to share or fulfil and is afraid to freak you out. Because come on, if you can't handle porn, why would he think you would be into anything else a little naughty. Poor man.
2007-08-30 20:09:32 · answer #6 · answered by midsummer_diva333 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to him. if you cant trust him maybe the relationship started off bad anyway. If you dont believe his explinations then you might seek a marriage counselor. Relationships take a lot of work.
Trust is what makes things work out.
Whatever you do, dont ignore the situation bc eventually you will be hurt by it in the long run. I recomend not giving up too easily. SEEK Counsel for both of you.
Best of luck
2007-08-30 19:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by Ceci 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Personally I tend to agree with you. I think iits wrong anyway you look at it. 1st off a newlywed man shouldn't need or want to look at porn 2nd a man with a child in the house should know better than to have any form of porn etc around and 3rd he is not showing you any respect at all. I d give him one chance. Delete all the porn sites etc from history, put a block on those sites and any other sign kiss his *** good bye! good luck!
2007-08-30 19:55:29 · answer #8 · answered by buffybot67 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yea well, that's quite a pickle your in (no pun intended).
did you know before you were married that your husband was into internet porn or is this like a total shock? if it is a total shock then my advice to you is that you give him the benefit of the doubt, at least for now. it is plausible that he only registered to look at these images further, right? i'd spy into his doings in the next couple of weeks, you know. don't bring up the incident as if you've forgotten about it and check out what his up to. of course if he continues to look at this web-site and gets lost at odd hours of the day or night, i then would confront him and have a very serious talk. it is disturbing that someone who is just married is into this stuff, i hope it works out for you and our family.
be well,PEACE
2007-08-30 20:18:06 · answer #9 · answered by shygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't giving up so fast, but try to see if he would be interested in looking at the site together. That way he will know you understand and that you aren't trying to judge. Do what ever you feel in your heart is right, and what's best for your daughter. Good luck hope it all works out.
2007-08-30 20:59:49 · answer #10 · answered by Rip Sin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have been curious, he may like to get off on the whole fantasy thing of cheating but not follow through, he may think cheating -on line is acceptable. Wow another case of 2 people who got married without realy knowing each others sexual tastes, and what boundaries are acceptable for each of you. You need to step up and state your case and open your mouth now.
2007-08-30 19:58:56 · answer #11 · answered by unpublished critic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋