Husband cheated and I am at a complete loss. I need advice, but no haters telling me how stupid I am. Thanks

Question

What do I do? I found out my husband cheated on my after denying it for months. I don't know whether to work to save my marriage for the sake of my family or just to give up. Our relationship has become so volatile lately that I just want to give up, but on the flip side, I do love my husband. We are supposed to start counseling to work on some of our problems on Tuesday, but now I don't know what is going to happen. No haters please. I want real advice.

Answer 1

You should not just jump into a divorce. Marriage comes with these kind of problems and you chose to accept that when you said I do. Marriage is not like dating. You can't just give up because one person makes a mistake. You don't wanna be another divorced statistic. If you decide to get a divorce later then do it knowing that you did everything you could. He definitely has to work on rebuilding your trust. Its not like people to admit an affair when asked. They want to keep the ones they have and find other interest outside. I'm not saying that its ok for him to cheat but he can change if he is willing to. If he is not then you have no other choice but to end your heartache. Nobody deserves to be cheated on but when you get married and have a family, you have to work through these things. If you are only staying with him for the family that is another problem. Let him know that you can't be the only one trying and he really has to work for it. Don't seek revenge by trying to hurt him like he did you. If you are gonna forgive him then forgive him and move on with your relationship.

Answer 2

I think you are good to go to the counselling. It may or may not help but it definitely wont hurt the relationship any more than his cheating has.

Counselling will most likely be painful when you hear what he has to say about the affair but try and see it through. If you really give it your all and he does too then regardless of the outcome you won't have regrets or what ifs in regards to how you handled things after he told you about the affair.

Because you love him I really hope that things work out for you but remember that staying together may not be what's best for your family if it makes you and/or your husband miserable.

Best of Luck.

Answer 3

I know exactly what you are going through, I don't know what's better to lied about it or tell you straight out. If you love him and he is willing to work it out with you, give your marriage another chance. You need to compromise both of you, you need to forgive him first and let go of the past and don't try to revamp old feelings and points fingers because that is not going to work. I find counseling sometimes makes matters worse. Just talk to your husband in the open tell him what you want and ask him what he wants and respect each others decisions and move on. Remember loves conquers anything with the help of God. I wish you all the best

Answer 4

If you still love your husband then do not give up, but don't give in either.
Stand your ground.
For now I would not let him touch you in any way. It will only confuse you more in the long run and it will make him think that you are over it.
Another thing if you have ?'s then ask don't put them off because you don't want to upset him or make him feel bad.
Try as hard as you can not to talk about it in front of the kids.
If it turns into yelling then write down what you want to know.
He can write back and that way the kids are protected from most of the anger that you are going to feel.
Try the counseling it may work for you and it may not.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear about this...You must be very hurt and stressed, to say the least....!

OK....I agree with many answers. You will have to decide what it is you can and cannot live with. Everybody is different, and some people can "forgive and forget" but others cannot.

Therapy is a good idea if BOTH spouses are willing to work at trying to fix things and to save the marriage; but it is not a magic wand that always works out. Sometimes one person is willing to change and the other one isn't; so it takes "two to tango". I would also suggest you seek comfort in family and friends; feeling alone will make the pain worse. Finally, ask God to guide you and to give you strength and peace.

Please remember we can change no one- except yourself.
.....................................................

IMO, his cheating is just the tip of the iceberg; you'll have to find out during therapy what his issues are- so you can both see if they can be healed or fixed. And remember...God loves you and He wants you to be happy, not miserable. ((Sometimes we choose badly and have to pay for our mistakes...but not forever, either. Life is too short.))

I wish you the best and hope you can overcome this awful experience.

Answer 6

Starting counseling is a good first step to saving your marriage. Between now and Tuesday, avoid the volatile situations that are making you so desperate right now. No screaming, no accusations or confrontations. Keep your self busy until you see what happens on Tuesday.

Answer 7

You say you love your husband, so go ahead with
the counseling, and you must also sit down with
him and let him know how much he upset you
for what he did. Everyone in life deserves a
second chance, give him his, but make sure you
sit him down and let him know what you expect
of him as a husband, and if that does not work
then seperation sometimes has to take place
in order for each of you to have your space to
think things out, and of course if that does not
work out then after a time there is only one other
alternative, divorce, however make that the last
recourse, especially if love is still involved.
Good luck.

Answer 8

If you are both willing to go to counseling, see what happens. Everything that has happened up to this point was meant to be. An opportunity has presented itself, so you are taking advantage of it. You will know in your heart what the next step should be, whether it is to try to work things out, or to move on. If you don't like the situation you are in, you have a choice to stay in it, or change it. All the best to you.

Answer 9

1. Your husbad cheated on you, because his needs were not being met. That doesn't necessarily mean that it is your fault. People, cheat because they either:
A. Aren't happy to begin with.
B. Want out of the relationship.
C. Are weak and easily influenced by others.
D. Have needs that aren't being met.
E. Are just selfish pigs who only care about themselves.

2. There is a strong likelihood that if you continue to stay with him, he will sooner or later cheat on you again. Therefore, overall it would be in your best interest to end the marriage, learn from your mistakes, be happy, and move on with your life with somebody who cares more about you. I know its hard when you love somebody to let go, but it is for the better(that is if you don't want to get hurt again).

3. As long as you didn't cheat on him, well then you deserve better. When somebody does those kinds of things to their spouse, it's pretty much a stabb in the back and another way of saying that they don't care much about their marriage.

Answer 10

If you both still love each other then I hope that the counseling works for the both of you. It is never easy when someone cheats and the spouse finds out about it. I went through that except my ex got the woman pregnant and then acted like he did nothing wrong. We got divorced but not just for that reason. We went to counseling but it did not work for the two of us. I just could not stand the man anymore so we got divorced. Hope that the two of you can make it work again.