If your spouse cheated would you take them back?

Question

My husband left me and my 3 children. During that time I found out he was talking to another woman. We have been married 13yrs and have alot of history together. He wants to reconcile and go to counseling to work through our marriage problems. He says his wife is more important than that. A part of me wants to take him back and work things out but a part of me does know if I should forgive and forget

Answer 1

If there is a part of you that wants him back and wants to work on it, then that is exactly what you should do.
It's not a matter of SHOULD you forgive, it's CAN you forgive?
Some marriages can survive infidelity. It won't be easy, but if you want this, then that is half the battle.

Answer 2

Forgiving is the easy part, forgetting? That's a whole different story....:)

The hardest part, when I tried to reconcile with a cheating ex, was that every time they didn't call when they said they would, or she wasn't on time for something, it ate away at me, and the first thing you think is that they are cheating all over again.

I forgave her, but the gnawing feelings were too much for me, and I had to tell her that although I loved her, that it would never work, and I would rather split with some amicable feelings than go through a hellacious split because I let it all build and it turned into a huge argument.

We remain friends to this day, and she still apologizes an occasion.

Good luck if you do, but it takes a LOT of work.....

Answer 3

I wouldn't take my spouse back if he cheated. Unfortunately forgiveness is interpreted as a "get out of jail free" card, if you forgive him he will feel like he's invinsible and can get out of anything. It also conveys a message about your worth, and demands less respect from him. Its bad all the way around on an inter-personal level. Financially I know many women that take men back only to find themselves still feeling devastated and untrusting. I think that you have enough to worry about right now without a reconciliation. If you do think about reconciling, do it without moving back together and being intimate because that will only cloud your better judgement. If he's serious, live apart for one year of no sexual relations, and do the counseling then guage where your at in a year. It would be very bad to get together just to fight a lot and put the kids through another unecessary split - even though it seems like a quick fix now. Good luck.

Answer 4

Some things you ought to know about betrayal..... it is THE deal buster in marriage. It is as well, the bottoming out of trust, and without TRUST, the Admiration, Respect, and Passion that make marriage, marriage, are severely shaken... As well, you should know that only 20% of marriages last two years beyond betrayal, even with counseling, and even if both wish to save it.... it is just very, very tuff to get over the visual of your husband pronging another woman..

Would I take my ex back? No. Not a chance... but we had no children, and the thought of the guy touching me again made me wish to vomit... I thought ours was a great marriage, so when I found out, it was as if he had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart and threw it at my feet. You may not feel that way, or your passion for him not so great as mine was.... We were together 18 years, and I ran, hon, left the state, even.

You will never forget, nor will you ever forgive---know that going in... It just doesn't happen.. You may, with counseling find time will help, and your pain eased......but forgive and forget? a fairy tale. For sure, don't move in together again, until your counseling sessions have been in progress for several sessions, and you and he can communicate better..............the fact that he want to go to counseling is a good sign, sweetie.

Good luck, hon.

Answer 5

This is a difficult question, because if my husband ever cheated on me, his life with me would be so over. I don't think I'd be able to give him a second chance.

Are you certain that he want's you back, only because he really did learn from his mistake how much he loves you and the children? Are you certain that it's not just because he has no where to live?

All you can do now is follow your feelings. Now you have to make sure he knows that you have alot of self respect, pride and dignity and he would have to get down on his knees and start all over, proving to you that he knows he made the biggest mistake of his life, but he's now willing to do whatever it takes to win your heart back and possibly work this out.

This is when you'll know how much he loves you. Just sit back, put your feet up and watch him treat you like gold, doing everything to make you happy. If he acts selfish in anyway and expects you to take care of him, tell him he has to leave immediately, because it was all a lie.

I wish you and the children all the luck.

Answer 6

Well, if all your hubby was doing was TALKING to other women, and not going to bed with them, I honestly wouldn't consider that cheating. I'd probably consider it emotional cheating, but if he wasn't living with you at the time, you've got to cut him some slack. Given the scant facts you've given, if I were in your shoes, I'd probably try to work on the marriage first, and take my hubby back. I'd feel I've got too much invested in the relationship--plus the kids--to just end it without giving it everything I've got.

You're the only one who can decide what to do though. Can you honestly forgive him, and forget it? Are you willing to admit that you had a part in his leaving, and change what YOU need to change as well as him? Will you be able to trust him again, because you won't be able to keep him in your sight 24/7. These are questions only you can answer.

If you do decide to stay with him, then I strongly reccommend you guys seek marriage counseling. If he left, for whatever reason, you guys need help in a big way. This is beyond you guys reading a few books and trying to fix it yourselves. You need that impartial 3rd party shedding light on what each of you need to improve in the way you each relate to each other, and the way you treat each other, as well how you each see yourself in the marriage. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Answer 7

This is a question that everyone will have different opinions on. You'll read each one, but eventually you will have to make up your own mind on it. It is all about how you truly feel inside for him. My husband cheated on me when we had only one child and after about a six month separation we eventually did get back together. After we got back together, our relationship was stronger, but my own feelings were of a best friend in him and no longer a husband. Now, almost 10 years after he cheated and another child, we are separated again, not because anyone cheated, only because our marriage was no longer a marriage, but a strong friendship. We now have to figure out do we want to move on and love someone else, or remain in a marriage of best friends? This will be about how you feel and if it is right for you and your children. I wish you all the best in your decision.

Answer 8

To all the suckers that said yes...Ya'll need a psychological evaluation. Your just desperate to stay with a cheater. Every cheater I have known cheats on the person, then does it again, and again and again...I am sure some men or women turn in their dunce caps eventually, but why be with a loser like that? Obviously your not doing your job if he has to **** some other *****. Just keeping it real. If I offend you, oh well. The truth hurts. It makes no difference if you been married 1 year or 20 years. If he sticks it in someone else, he is no longer yours. He is just dirty and out in the open. If he put you first and "you were more important than that" why did he do it? You need to ask yourself why he wants his cake and eat it too. You cant have it all. But if you give him that much power your just desperate.

Answer 9

I would work at the marriage. You don't want to feel you didn't give it your all. My husband had an affair and we survived it. We have been married 11 years now. But after wards I told him if he ever did it again I would get divorce. I would not forgive the second time.

Answer 10

Only you know in your heart if you will ever be able to put this behind you. A marriage build on trust is the only thing that keeps it good! Once the trust is gone it is hard to get things back to what it once was .