i found out something today and i don't know what to do?

Question

I checked my boyfriend's email today and found out something horrible. I know it's wrong to snoop, but I was extremely suspicious about something and what I discovered is incomprehensible. My BF and his friend went out drinking last night (while I'm out of town). My BF's friend (who is married to MY friend) slept with someone last night at my BF's house. In their emails this morning to each other, they were laughing about it all and talking about having to wash the guest bedroom sheets. I'm disgusted on so many levels. Should I tell my friend what her husband did? How can I do that without telling that I snooped in my BF's email? I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

You could forward the message from an anonymous Yahoo email account. Just make sure it isn't a joke and you aren't hurting someone you care for.

Answer 2

Your friend may get an STD from all this and that's no joke! Keep in mind that telling someone something like this may and can ruin a lot of relationships. I have done this before (I told her) and she stopped being my friend because she took the situation as I hurt her, not him.

If I were to go back, I would still tell her.

Keep in mind....what kind of bf do you have if he's laughing about all this stuff and not telling him that he did wrong. That struck me as odd. If my friend told me that he did something like that I would tell him how wrong he is, not give him a high five.

As for the snooping...do you not trust him? Maybe that's the thing that you need to talk to him about. What gave you that feeling that he was hiding something? Well, whatever that feeling was, you were right! Go with you gut!

Answer 3

Seems like it might be time to choose.

First of all, you have to come clean about being a suspicious snoop. It means nothing that you were concerned about anything or anyone- your actions were stinky. What does it say about your relationship that you can't even come out and ask him about whatever is on your mind? Yuck.

But, what's done is done. If you are willing to fess up, apologize, and take your consequences, then more power to you. Don't do it again.

Now- onto the bigger issue. You have to choose between your boyfriend and your friend. Do you want to be with a man who is so callous and ridiculous about his friend's affair? His buddy's WIFE has feelings and they cannot be laughed away with a disgusting reference to dirty sheets. What will he do when confronted with a situation like this? Will he call you up and ask you to do some laundry for him?

As far as telling your friend, what would you want her to do for you if the situation were reversed? What would she want you to do?

If it were me, I'd apologize and share what I did. Get an explanation from boyfriend, and tell him that he needs to urge the jerk to come clean to his wife. If that doesn't happen within a week, I would invite my friend over for coffee and give her a box of tissues....

Good luck.

Answer 4

If she is a close friend I would tell her....then I would question your boyfriend about the night before. He seems to condone this kind of behavior being that he was laughing it up with his friend. At this point what do you got to lose? So you did snoop through his emails...at least now you know that he could very well treat you with the same disrespect that his friend treats his wife with.

Answer 5

Who means more to you.

First print out the email as evidence. Without they can say you are a liar and troublemaker.

If you BF is more important than the friend, tell him you opened his email by accident, saw the email, and he needs to stop enabling the husband. He should not go out with this guy anymore. Eventually your BF will be the one washing the sheets.

If your friend is more important, give her the email, dump your looser BF, and hope when it is all over your friend still talks to you.

As far as I can tell you are in a loose loose situation.

Answer 6

This is definitely a "sticky" issue, but again, I think the issue is ultimately the safety of your friend. She stands to lose a lot by staying with him. Keep in mind, there may be some fall back from letting your boyfriend know that you spied on him, but perhaps this will give you an opportunity to face some of your own trust issues (why you spied in the first place), and deal with the fact that he seems to condone this behaviour....I agree with the many other respondents who have advised you to leave him alone as well...how many times have you looked back at a failed relationship and said "If only I had left when he first started to..." ? Take care of yourself and your friend.

Answer 7

You will have to make a life-changing decision, no matter what has happened. I've been on both sides of this situation, so here is the lesson I have learned: Yes, your friend should know. Will she believe you? No. If you show her the E-mail will that be proof enough? No, since her husband will somehow convince her it was a joke. Will she leave him? Not now, but eventually. Will you stay with your boyfriend, the accomplice? God, I hope not!

Answer 8

OH Absolutely or what type of friend would you be if you knew and didn't tell her. She could contract anything that other person is spreading! If that were to happen you would feel awfull and tell ter that is you r greatest concern. But ALSO COPY the emails so you don't get accused of medling and called a liar,............Have the proof. It really is not snooping. He should NOT EVER had done this to her if he is an honest person!

Answer 9

Do whats right. There isn't anything wrong with snooping. You assume he can be trusted, otherwise he wouldn't leave his computer lying around without a password...just like we all assume our spouses won't poison our food.

Its too bad your bf is like that. Not someone to be trusted or be with. Anything committed that may hurt someone should be brought out into the open. They may even pass on STDs that might spread to you or your children. Its not fair for your friend. Especially your friend being like family, I dont think anyone would let something hurtful knowingly happen to their families, parents, friends, etc...

Answer 10

Tell your friend. She deserves to know, and if she is really your friend, then you can't just let her live her life with an unfaithful husband when she deserves better. Yeah, you might have to take the blame for snooping, but let your BF know that you had your reasons (your strong suspicion) What his friend did is colossally worse than invading someone's e-mail.

Answer 11

You must do what you think is right! Just think about how many times this has probably happened. I am in a bad situation right now. I would want to know if my boyfriend or husband is cheating on me! In the long run, it would be for the best to tell your friend. If one of my friends knew that my boyfriend was cheating I would want her to tell me! It wouldn't matter how she found out!

Good Luck!
It's for the better! I hope you make the best choice!