Ok, so my husband and his family go camping every other weekend during the summer, labor day weekend will be the last one of the season. About a month ago, while at a camping trip, the entire family got into a BIG fight. I told my husband that I never wanted to go back camping with them like that. And that I would NOT go back at all this year! Now, the entire family is getting ready for this weekends camping trip and they all assumed that I was going, no one, including my husband, ever asked if I wanted to go. Since no one asked and I didn't want to go anyways, I made other plans to join two friends in Lake Tahoe. I told my husband since it was my 3 day weekend and no one asked me or even bothered to listen to me that I didn't want to go, I went ahead and made other plans. Now he is mad at me for not going with him and his family. And even madder at me because I want to so something else. Help! Did I do the right thing? or did I just really screw up?
2007-08-30 09:41:33 · 14 answers · asked by Sparky092405 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think I forgot to mention, I was not part of the fight. I was so frightened that I went and hid in our truck. My husband and his brother were in a full on fist fight, my sister in law and mother in law were in a screaming match and my father in law was yelling at my mother in laws brother. Yeah... sound fun!
2007-08-30 09:56:38 · update #1
Well I guess that is what they get for making assumptions.... It is their fault and their problem.... Enjoy Tahoe!
2007-08-30 09:56:08 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥♥MiSSY♥♥♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say take your weekend the way you planned it. Tell him that you have gone all the other times and since this is the last one that it's only one that you are missing. Tell him the last trip was too dramatic and you rather not be in that situation again and that time will pass and when yall start going again then you will go but just this once you rather not. It is very healthy for partners to have a weekend w/out each other atleast once or twice a year. Helps the relationship and helps you de-stress and such. My husband and I live 90 min. away from my family and once in awhile I take the kid and go up to my parents for a day or two and come back. It helps us not be so irritable towards each other and time for him to hang w/his buddies and do what he wants. I'm pregnant so I don't mind taking the kid.
Good Luck and I'm sure you will make the right decision!
2007-08-30 10:04:21 · answer #2 · answered by shortysml 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay that you didn't want to be with your husband's family and it's good that you have taken the steps to avoid them if you feel uncomfortable around them.
The one thing I do see though is a lack of communication on your part. You say "nobody ever asked me" but you are also responsible for communicating. I think a more healthy thing to have done was to arrange something for just you and your husband and if he didn't want to go then you would go off and do your own thing.
But no, I don't think this is a really terrible thing. Your marriage should survive this but you really do need to sit down and talk about this. I do think you have an apology to make. Tell your husband that you should have invited him and that you're sorry you didn't give him the opportunity to go with you this weekend. Other than that, you did nothing wrong. Apologize and get on with life.
Good luck.
2007-08-30 10:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing if your story is correct.
You told your husband you were not gonna go again like that, and that you do not want to go all year long. If he chose not to listen to you or to ignore it or to take it like a joke, is his problem.
I suggest you sit down with your husband alone, and clarify some facts. Tell him you already told him all that, that he should have taken you more serious, and that you actually don’t appreciate two things: one the fact that the family is fighting all over and that is not your intention to be there at all, you are going there to relax, not to see a fight. And two, you don’t appreciate how he did not pay attention to what you said about not going.
Let it be a lesson to all of them, you should stick to your word and do what you planned to do. If you most, you be the mature person in the entire situation and call up not just your husband, but also his family (at least the main people that you think you should call) and apologize for not going, but you do not want to spend your small vacation being in the middle of family trouble.
Simple.
The problem is, that everybody is going to be probably mad at you, and more your husband. And if so, then tell them to grow up and accept the fact that you are not going to tolerate them to disrespect you by fighting while on vacation in front of you and your husband by not paying attention to you.
Unless you want to be quiet, and let them manipulate you, you should stick to your word. Otherwise, if you don’t want trouble, go with them, but I can tell you, you have a chance now to let them know who you really are and how you don’t let people do what they want with you.
Good luck.
2007-08-30 09:56:02 · answer #4 · answered by Dan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing...in light of what happened at the last camping trip...I don't blame you for not wanting to be with the family. I say go with your friends and have fun...your husband will get over it....that is if he has any maturity in him at all.
2007-08-30 09:52:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think both of you need to apologize to each other. You for not telling him of your plans and he for making assumptions when he already knew how you felt about going anywhere with his family. Then you 2 need to sit down and figure out a way to communicate so you both understand each other's needs and points of view. What if you both cancel your plans and stay home together? Or have a little romantic weekend for just the 2 of you. Hope it all works out!!
2007-08-30 10:41:12 · answer #6 · answered by musicgrl42002 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Knowing everyone was making plans to go and expecting you there...I would have stated again that I wasn't going and would be making other plans, long before now. Your reasoning is valid...why spend another long weekend somewhere you don't enjoy going because of the fighting. But you should have planned it better and made your plans known.
2007-08-30 09:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two have some serious communication and maturity issues to work on. Tahoe and camping are the least of your troubles.
2007-08-30 09:54:34 · answer #8 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have talked with hubby more. You told him after the fight and you were angry so he thought you were just blowing off steam...Should have talked with him some more about it and your plans....I never make plans my hubby doesn't know about. It sounds like you made your plans without telling hubby cause he was going to be gone anyway...
2007-08-30 09:49:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have a right to go where you please. You told him you didn't want to go camping again, and, since no one ever mentioned again you had to assume they thought you wouldn't go. You are fine, he needs to back off and understand your situation. Good luck!
2007-08-30 09:49:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if I were you, I would have done the same thing.....but sounds to me like you did make your plans in secret......for that you screwed up......but not going camping when you said you weren't going isn't a problem, the problem is only how you 'failed' to mention your plans to him..
2007-08-30 09:49:11 · answer #11 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋