would you consider this an overreaction?

Question

I caught the office manager /payroll person on my husbands job throwing herself at him . She was against him , with her face 6 inches from his , and talking to him in an intimate way . Up close and personal . He was going to her house occasionally to do "side" jobs. She's single and looking . He claimed she is a co-worker only. On my jobs I would never be allowed to get "on" another co-worker like she was "on" him . To top it off , he did nothing to push her off of him , all he did was make sure she knew I was there by pointing repeatedly in my direction till she finally got it . To top that off , the job has not been lucrative for the past year . As in the pay dropped by half . We have had a difficult time paying rent for this whole year . But he refused to look for another job . So when all this happened , I said "co-worker my a**". I then demanded that he never go to her house again and that he look for another job . He says the only reason he has a new job is because I overreacted.

It makes me angry when people say that a woman is to blame when her man plays . She should look at what she isn't giving him . I'm 55 yrs. old and showing my age . my husband is 49 .We've been together 15 yrs. This woman is 30 and a hard body . She had on a totally see through top , she was on her off day .You could see her nippies through it , and she was shaking them at him, before she approached him . Any house work cooking , laundry etc. is done by me . I make my husbands lunch every day even though he gets up at 4 am and I don't have to . I'm always there for him . I take care of him .But what I can't do is be 20 years younger . That's the only draw I can see . Outside of that , she's just a player and different from me .I'm blonde and true . She's a brunette and a chippie .

Answer 1

Totally inappropriate. You did not overreact, if what you say is accurate. A married man, or women, should never put themselves in a position where there may be "perceived" infidelity. That is one of the keys to a happy marriage.

Answer 2

YOU DID NOT overreact! They are both lucky that is all you did was forbid him to go to her house and change jobs!
It was completely inappropriate behavior on BOTH of their parts. And who in their right mind would struggle financially when your income has been cut in HALF. I think the handwriting is on the wall in this situation. And I'm not sure if just making him change jobs is really going to solve the problem. The only thing it will be is a little less convenient.
Do not let him guilt trip you into you being the bad guy, you aren't! Stand up for yourself and demand some changes and explanations be made. You deserve to be treated better then this.

Answer 3

I don't think you overreacted. I think he was up to some hanky panky or thinking about it. Many years ago, I was somebody's piece on the side. He called me his "bliss station" because we had fun together(not only sex) and didn't have all the baggage with running a household(jobs, $$, cleaning, kids).
I would suggest making him feel special. Men are much more simple than we are. I heard Doctor Laura say "if your husband's not horny, make him a sandwich." If you cook him tasty food, give him plenty of enthusiastic sex and support him in his job & interests, it will pay off. He will respond likewise.
I've been married for 10 years now & so far, so good. I always remember my younger, naughty days with a married man & try to be my husband's "bliss station."

Answer 4

I don't think you overreacted at all. In fact as a woman I have found it much more affective to go right to the source. Bypass him and calmy speak with her. I have done this several times. Sucks that I have had to do it but sometimes going to the person who is "all over" your B/F or husband is a more direct way to approach the situation. Then she is aware you are "in the know".
Just my two cents

Hope it all works out.

Answer 5

No you didn't overreact. However where the concern lies is your husbands behavior. Seems to me somethings missing in your relationship in order for him to behave like this. I would keep a close eye on him. Just because he says he is being good and staying away does not mean he is. I sense sparks in your relationship are weakening. Time to make the necessary corrections before things go south. Best wishes.

Answer 6

No over-reaction! He was extremely disrespectful to you! Your husband should NEVER fraternize with a woman, period!

If I was in your shoes I would have demanded that he find a new job or I would be gone. He has to make a choice about who he is with (you or the b**ch). You should not put up with this!

I would also check to see if he was still in contact with her. Is he finding a new "co-worker" to cuddle-up with at work?

Sorry, but you married a scum bag! He's blaming you for his actions! He isn't wanting to face up to the fact that he got caught with his "hand in the cookie jar."

Answer 7

The only reason I can think to give him the benefit of the doubt is that he (like many men) are just not assertive when it comes to letting down members of the opposite sex -- it's awkward and they don't want to hurt feelings. We always want them to say: "Get off me! Stop! I'm taken! Stand back, crazy woman I would never in a million years be attracted to!"

But it don't go down like that... (And, btw, that really bugs me too!)

Maybe he was flattered but not considering acting on it. Still frustrating, but it warrants further discussion, not demands. (They never respond to ultimatums and demands. We, as women, must always be craftier than that when we want something...)

But if your feelings are hurt (and no, you are never overreacting when your feelings are hurt -- you are simply reacting, period) then you should tell him, in as non-agressive and accusatory way as possible: "Look. It really bothers me. It makes me feel like you don't care about my feelings or care about our finances or respect me and our marriage when you act this way."

The whole man excuse of "nothing happened" is not enough -- let him know that you feel disrespected -- offer the possibility that maybe that's not his intention, but be that as it may, even with the best of intentions, feelings still get hurt and people get slighted. If he can really hear your concerns you might be surprised by what comes back. He may have insecurities about work or about your relationship. He might have unexpressed frustrations about his finances and his ability to take care of his household. It would seem like a no-brainer to get another job, but he might be scared. People get scared of change -- even change for the better.

Bottom line: Get to the root of things. Through honesty and openness. You're worth it!!!

Answer 8

I think you already know the answer to this question.

No, you're not overreacting. Not in the least. And you're not stupid. But with all of this in mind, don't you think you should find out what it was that he was getting from this that he wasn't getting at home? I know that's probably the last thing from your mind right now because you're probably pissed about all of this. But either you try to make it work or you ditch the guy. If you're trying to make it work then find out what he wants and see if it is within reason to provide it. You'll both be happier if you two can figure this thing out.

Good luck.

Answer 9

If I caught my man in that situation I wouldn't be with him today. That is uncalled for and for him not to push her away knowing you are standing there would be an eye opener for me. You have plenty of reason to overreact. How would he feel if he came to your job and saw some man against you like that, or how would he feel if you made "house calls". I'm sure he wouldn't have been to thrilled either. Good Luck to you .

Answer 10

Oh honey you handled this good. I would have beat both there A**S. You are by no means over reacting. This is your husband and the sl*t has no right to do that to your man!! Your husband should have told her he was married and to leave him alone. I think you should be mad at him as well. Have a talk with him and tell himhow you feel.