why do some women fall for abusive men who treat them badly?

Question

i will understand why smart, sexy, beautiful women fall for men who abuse them.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, some women do not think that they are worthy of better, decent guys, or have not learned "what" to look for in a good guy, so they settle for less. Intelligence and looks have nothing to do with deep psychological impressions and learned patterns of behavior.

There may also be issues of thinking that such a guy or person will change or that "Thug" guys are dangerously exciting. Neither is true, cool or worth getting pounded on, put in harm's way, financially used or in any way abused.

Such women need to seriously examine themselves, analyze and evaluate their needs, wants, motivation and interpersonal relationship requirements. And, give going out with a guy who is the total opposite a try. Or, try for a happy medium in between. Otherwise date outside of your local area or environment.

Real men don't use or abuse women. Real men get their kicks by doing progressive, honest activities to elevate their self esteem, social status, competitiveness or adrelaline.Nor, do real mean have to apologize for physically assaulting their partner.

Don't fall into that trap. It ain't worth it, not for a minute.

Answer 2

Why, because that don't start the crap in the beginning. They wine and dine you and treat you like a queen.Then after some time the horns start to come out of there heads. By then you have gotten involved with them and think maybe it just a phrase there going through. And it will get better. Well it DOESN'T Eventually this plays on your mind. And for all of the people that think these women have low self esteem your wrong. You will never know unless your in that situation. There are good times and bad times. Just more bad than good. Eventually the old adage is what comes around go around. These men will get it back one day. Maybe us women should ask is your name Maple Syrup? Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

Answer 3

is not that women are insecure, low self esteem or none of that. What people need to understand is in the beginning is that the man wasnt like that, he was sweet, compassionate and everything under the moon. By the time he decide to be an abuser there is alot of feeling and maybe even love involved. Some women will leave but other women will accept the apology just because they know and feel that this is not him and he must really mean it when he said he was sorry for what he done. So its not just what everyone think it is, the low selfesteem and other things.......it's because of the attachment that they have. think about it.

Answer 4

First of all many abusive men are more charming than the average man. They are sweet talkers. They give a woman more attention than the average man.

Another problem is that even pretty-smart women can have low self esteem. And some of these women grew up in a home with abuse & learned from their mother to - just take it.
I personlly learned from my dad to put up with verbal & emotional abuse. I never saw that until I got divorced.

Some women are totaly afraid to be without a man. They are unable to define themselves without a man.

Often these women love so deeply that they put up with the abuse. The man says he is sorry and is so loving than the woman melts under their charm & hope and believe that the man will change. The problem is that sort of man that is so obcessive about their women that the abuse just esculates.

It is a horrible cycle of love & abuse. I have known two women who would get beatings, but they chose to stay.
I offered to help them find a safe place to be. But, these women are usually programed by the abuser that they arn't pretty or smart and no one would want them. Yes, it is hard to believe that these women stay. Some times their motivation to stay is that they are threatened that if they leave they will be hunted down and beaten or even killed. These men threaten the woman concerning the children. The woman's emotions and mind-set is much like that of a prisioner of war. They do what they have to do to surrive.

The very sad thing is that these women are either murdered or they, in protection of themselves kill their husband or boyfriend in self defense. And they sometimes end up in jail. But the sad thing is that they feel safer in jail compared to their life behind bare.

Answer 5

I really can't say and I feel sorry for them but I am a strong believer a man will do what you let him do. I was once with a guy that I really liked and I thought we had a future. But one day I went to a club with my friends and he was to meet me there and when he got there he was mad at every thing I did from what I had on and it was sexy but it was club clothes not my everyday clothes and he has seen me dressed like that meny times and he was mad I had a beer just everything I did bothered him. So before the night was over he ended up throwing a beer bottle at me it did not hit me. I left his sorry *** he begged for weeks and cried how he loved me and he how will never do it again. But that is a chance I was not willing to make I am worth so much more than that. I think women need to stop excussing that behavior and the first sign of abuse they need to be out.

Answer 6

I am a woman who does not fall for any abusive men. I rather be ith a non-abusive men. I hate abusive men. I love a good man who treats women well. I would not mess with abusive men because they are not relationship material, they are all about control and they are LOSERS.

Answer 7

I was married in an abusive relationship for 12 years, now divorced. Met someone right after, who seemed like the dream come true kind of guy. He was almost worse than the first. I think part of why I ended up like this, may be a variety of reasons. One is that they are so nice at first & change after they have you hooked on them. You're then in love & think about all the good & think the bad will change, but it doesn't. If you have a child it makes it worse thinking you don't want your child to be from a broken home. But as my boys got older I realized they would start to be abusive like him & finally decided to divorce. I also grew up in an emotional abusive home. I wasn't a favorite, my dad only cared about himself & I was used to not being treated good or given the emotional love & support I needed. I think it was therefore somewhat "normal" or "comfortable" for me to be with men who were controlling, abusive, etc. These men also did all the taking & I did all the giving as I also saw my mom do that. Now, being on my own for a year & older I don't find that kind of relationship "normal". I think most people growing up in decent homes end up with decent partners, I ended up with men like my dad subconsciously. I've now decided to concentrate on myself & kids & not be looking for a relationship & hope someday I will meet a decent man.

Answer 8

I have no idea. I can't imagine ever staying with a guy who is abusive to me. I don't care if it's physical or verbal. But you know, many women do. The ones who do either don't have any respect for themselves, don't think they are worth anything or scared. But my thing is, If you can't respect me then you can be with me, simple as that. Women DO NOT deserve to be treated like that.

Answer 9

For most it's not love. It's fear, and a survival instinct. They'd leave in a minute if they could, and had the confidence to do so, without the fear of being found, and brought back to "face the music". When there are children involved it's even more difficult to leave, even though it is more important.

Women's shelters help a lot, but are only a temporary answer for most. It's easy to say to be brave, and do whatever you have to to get out, but it could easily cost them their lives. I see know simple answer to this devastating problem. If anyone does, please share.

Answer 10

the fact of the matter is they dont' know they are abusive and then when they do find out they have such a low selesteem of themselves that they can't get out .that is what happens to most and that is why its so bad. i mean to tell you that its sad butthat is what happens. they aren't sure and when they do know by that time they hate themselves and its hard to just up and leave soemone regaurdless you could think they are treating you good but you are the one causing this and they brain wash alot of women that is how they keep it up so long.