My husband and I both use to be social smokers, when we would have drinks was the only time we would smoke. This was a while back. I don't smoke at all now. My husband continued to be a socal smoker and now it has turned into an everyday thing. I've told him how this really bothers me. He says I sound like his mom. And it's going in one ear and out the other. Should i get off his case? He doesn't smoke around our daughter and rarely around me, but, I know he does it everyday and I care about his health! He says everyone is going to die someday. True, but why speed up the process ecspecially if you have a child!!
Any advice on how to handle this or am i overreacting?
2007-08-30 08:54:54 · 9 answers · asked by Jen E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks..to all the answers. I think I'll back off him a while. : )
2007-08-30 09:07:46 · update #1
Are you over-reacting, yes, maybe a bit. I think if you "fuss" at him, fuss at him in a loving, caring way. Tell him that you really love him, can't stand the thoughts of living without him, or put it on REALLY thick, tell him your daughter can't grow up without a daddy. Approach it like that. Maybe once in a while complain about the smokers breath or taste of his kisses. Or, when ya'll are out/about, go by the counter that sells the gum or patches for smokers trying to quit, and say "hey, you need to try this". Just try different avenues, and see what works best. He's right, each of us face death, but eating "cancer sticks" doesn't help his odds.... It was a gradual process that got him to smoking daily, so he won't be able to quit cold turkey.. Be a big supporter of him. You catch more flies with honey, rather than vinegar.
2007-08-30 09:13:53 · answer #1 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing worse than a reformed smoker.... you do tend to be a little over the top in being anal about it. He smoked when you met and even if he smokes more now as long as he doesn't smoke in the house or around you and your child then you should back off.... all you are doing is putting up a wall between you and him.
2007-08-30 16:01:25 · answer #2 · answered by DavidV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah try giving him some patches or gum to slowly stop the amount of cigs he is smoking. It's hard for him right now so don't expect him to wake up one morning and completely be done with it. I've heard smokers get cravings and it's addicting so that's just a tough cycle to break. He also has to want to stop too or else he won't.
2007-08-30 16:02:18 · answer #3 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being dead is not the issue, it is being alive, and dying a horrible death.... we will all die. As a partner, and a father, he owes it to you and to his child to remain as healthy and as strong as he can be. He hasn't the right to risk his life....jumping out of airplanes, ridding motorcycles in freeway traffic, etc., If he were single, with no one who loved him nor depended upon him, he would have every right
to commit suicide, if he wished--his bod, his life...... And doubtful that he would allow anyone to give him cancer or COPD, yet he is BUYING it.
My dad was a doc, and when a patient asked him, "What can I do to live as healthy a life as possible.... what are three things that I can do??" My dad's answer? Number one, don't smoke. Number two, don't smoke, and number three, don't smoke.
When we think about death, all of us hope to compress the dying process.... from being healthy and independent to dead as quickly as possible... Would guess no one would wish to spend 6 years gasping for breath, dying one little bit at a time....
Tobacco is now extremely addictive... tobacco companies have upped the dose of nicotine so that it is difficult to quit, and some find it harder than others.... No, I don't think you are over reacting, he's just into denial.....
2007-08-30 16:09:44 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't say that you are overreacting, but trying to keep to make him stop will result only in defiance and arguments. You won't be able to *make* him stop.
You *can* make sure he never smokes inside the house though--your daughter's right to clean air in her own home outweighs his right to smoke there. He can use the garage or the back yard for that.
2007-08-30 16:01:46 · answer #5 · answered by Mathsorcerer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT corner him. It will more than likely make him want to smoke more. Talk to him about it in a non-confrontational way. A man will guard if he feels like he is being attacked. I love my Marlboro's. When people harass me about smoking, it just makes me want to smoke f****ng more. If someone asks me politely not to do it around them, I won't. Keep it gentle,and he may respond better. Don't press too hard or you'll turn him off.
2007-08-30 23:25:52 · answer #6 · answered by stevetx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband use to smoke....before we got together that is....and he was mostly a social smoker...I told him if he wanted to be with me...that the smoking had to end and he stopped cold turkey. I can't stand smoke.....we also have a baby...and don't want her exposed to smoke directly or indirectly...not smoking in her presence is enough.
2007-08-30 16:02:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am trying to quit right now, it is a terrible battle. Maybe if you just let him realize the financial and health cost on his own, in time, he may quit. I know pressure to quit makes me crave one even more. Just a thought.
2007-08-30 16:05:35 · answer #8 · answered by Ruth L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg I really really understand how you feel.
2007-08-30 16:11:43 · answer #9 · answered by hollybear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋