If your sex life was exposed while your in a the "LIFESTYLE" open marriage,swinging, Poly monogamous,?

Question

Your child found out the hard way to the point that, he would later developed POST TRUMATIC STRESS, and now get violent every time he sees you, what would you do?

I now have been stripped of my visitation rights and can't see my child without court approval, as a mother that really hurts.

The court order was issued, that informs me I have to abstain form any sexual contact all together for a period of 18 months and has an secretion test done every 2 months that will cost me $40 a month to get done.

The JUDGE (a woman) said I was a misguided woman/mother and view my sexuality as a primary need. I was informed "SHE COULD NOT STOP ME FROM HAVING SEX", but she could prevent, and even throw me in jail, PRESS CHARGES for violating a court order!

I'M GOING TO COMPLY WITH THE ORDER AND ABSTAIN FROM SEX SO I CAN HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS.
Why can't I be a sexual person with multiple partners if I want?

SO LET ME ASK YOU WOULD YOU GIVE THE LIFESTYLE UP TOTALLY FOR YOUR CHILD?

I was into Poly monogamous, at 54 after the affair I had on my ex husband!

whats really sad is how everyone views me now as a degernate animial, that needs to be put down.

Whats even sadder is all the ones I loved disapreared and wont support or offer me any help!

the judge said she could not enforce a NO SEX RUILING BUT COULD USE IT TO PREVENT ME FROM SEEINF MY CHILD!

IF THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT READ MY OTHER POST!

And for those of you that are puritanical I'm done with all aspects of the LIFESTYLE, it's hurt the one person in my life that mattered!

Answer 1

Sorry I don't buy this story.

Answer 2

As long as your minor child didn't observe you having sex with others, simply learning that you enjoyed multiple partners (not cheating) is NO reason to disrupt your life in any way. There is NOTHING wrong with swinging, open relationships, or polyamory because it's all between consenting, available, adults.

Shows how small minded and puritanical our legal system still is, to punish ANYONE for what they do behind closed doors in their own time.

Would I give up the lifestyle to see my child? Probably....if I had kids they should be my priority so playmates would have to take a back seat until the kid was old enough for the law not to stick their nose in my business in that regard anymore.

P.S. Why would a child suffer from PTS from knowing one of their parents participated in an alternative lifestyle? While it's not a child's business what their parent's sex life consists of, I see NO reason why such information should be traumatic.

Answer 3

I would give up sex for my child in a heart beat. I would give my child my life without second thought.

If I wanted to have crazy sex, I would keep it so far from my child, that they could not be touched by it. Post traumatic stress is pretty awful. I am not sure what happened, but I would come up with a new plan that ensured my child's security and happiness first and my sex drive second.

I am sorry you are being treated like an outcast. I think we all have a right to live our lives the way we wish as long as our wishes do not demean, disrespect or place anyone else in harm's way. You will have to be your own best friend and get through this one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

This sounds like a real mess and I am sorry you are in it. I am even sorrier your child is. Think seriously about what is really important to you and make a decision that is the right thing to do even if it is the hard or unpopular thing to do. This your life. Live it true to yourself.

Answer 4

I have no clue how the child found this info .... You should have been for careful. What you do in your life is your business. As I look at it - the info was not put away, the act did not take place in front of the child. BUT Right now just focus on abiding by the rules, get your family back, and take it as a lesson.
Trust me to one thing, I have seen way worst than this reason of you having restrictions. It was an accident.
I have seen teen mothers drink in front and with an infant, with older children with a beer in the hand.
Ive seen pregnant drug addicted gone out of the mind on drugs - the baby born as an addict.
I have seen CPS give a child back to a drug addict and two months later the child is dead with the hands of the parent.
God is making you strong - Hang in things, will get better... Just know I care. Good Luck

Answer 5

If you live in America, the judges view doesn't surprise me.

There is nothing wrong with your lifestyle and no-one should have the right to dictate what goes on in your sex life.

The issue with your son is a little more complex.

You need to regain your sons trust slowly and you ay even need to seek support from a counsellor or therapist to help you do this effectively and in the right way. This will be difficult for you child to accept so you have to give him time.

This will be a slow process so don't expect solutions overnight.

If your lifestyle makes you happy, then don't change it. Just try and alienate your child from it so that it's easier for him to cope with. You may even want to change it for a while until you sort his head out.

Answer 6

Some people may take issue with this, but I believe that -- as a parent -- your child is your number one priority. Always! If your children don't come first, you have no business being a parent in the first place. They are more important than anything.

That said, I think you should find yourself another lawyer and appeal. That judge is either a puritannical freak, OR there are some facts in your case that weren't presented here, that would cause her to make that judgement.

Answer 7

I guess a lot of it would have to be defined by "...found out the hard way." Did your child walk in on you and multiple partners? Did he find a video of you and multiple partners? If you were engaging in that kind of activity when your child was there or had material like that where he could get his hands on it, then I can understand the judge ruling like she did. If nothing like that happened when he was around or no material like that was where it could be found and all he knew was "mom" when he was there, I do not see how you were putting him at any risk. Having sex outside of marriage when you have a child from a previous marriage puts your visitation rights at risk in most states.

Answer 8

I believe the judge has legally overstepped her authority. I don't see how they could legally require fluid testing or punish you for having sex. If you have an attorney and they aren't fighting this, find a new attorney. If you don't have one it's time to hire a good one. I would ask for the judge to be removed from the case and file a complaint with the bar association if it were me.

As far as your child you should do what's in his or her best interest. Keep you private life private. You shouldn't be judged by everyone for have multiple partners especially when most of the adults in the world have had far more than one. While the judge has probably taken this to extreme you also need to take some responsibility and watch your own actions as well.

Answer 9

Who's more important in your list of priorities? Your children or yourself and what you want?

What you did is moraly wrong. God created sex to be between a husband and wife. What your doing by being in an open lifestyle is commiting adultery. It says in the 10 Commandmants, DO NOT commit adultery. Sex with anyone other than the person your married to is considered adultery.

The judge was right, because what the judge is trying to get across to you is that you need to put your children before your self and your needs. If I was in that lifestyle and my children found out I could see why they would be emotionally scared as well.

If my kids saw me having sex with another woman other than my wife, it would scare them, and I'm sure scar them. Because it would destroy any sense of trust they ever had in me.

Answer 10

The court is based on an antiquated system of what is considered to be moral and just. Polyamorous relationships were the norm in ancient time and was still prevalent into modern times. In America, we were founded by a group of people, who although they left Europe due to religious controlled government, came here to be an ultra-conservative religious people to develop a government. It is amazing how a legal system feels they know exactly what is right and wrong in a social culture. The law should only regulate legal matters and only divulge into social matters when absolutely necessary. I support your right to live your life the way you feel (so long as you don't directly subject your child to it and allow them to make their own decision as they get older), but unfortunately fighting the legal system is a losing battle in this day and age. The question is what is more important to you....your lifestyle or your child?

Answer 11

Interesting how much people fear sexuality. I would see a lawyer and discuss having the court order challenged due to infringements on personal liberties. This the sort of thing that some lawyer would love to fight all the way up to the supreme court.