I've been in love with this guy for awhile and he love me. He has told me many times and we talk a lot about how strong of a connection we have. The problem is that he won't leave his with. He is really good friends with his wife and is afraid that if he got a divorce, she would hate him.
So not willing to wait around, I have been dating another guy and we are engaged. I love him, but not as much as the married guy. I can't stop thinking about the married guy and I want to be with him more than anything, but I don't want to be one of those girls who just waits around for a guy to get divorced. What can I do to either forget him and move on or make it so we can be together?
And don't give me all the I'm obviously young and I'll grow out of it and it is just a crush. I'm 27 and I've been married before and everything and have experienced most things and this one I'm just stuck on what to do.
2007-08-30 06:28:52 · 21 answers · asked by Sara H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have no business getting married to anybody. You seem to have some serious self work to do before you can be in a decent relationship with anybody. You owe it to your fiance to break off the engagement, and you owe it to yourself and the married man's wife to break off the affair. The book below costs about $15. It is not an easy read, but it is probably worth a year's worth of weekly counseling. Get it. Read it. Do the work. Good luck.
2007-08-30 06:40:47 · answer #1 · answered by Jack07 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop playing in the fire or you are going to get burned!!!!
First of all if he loves you the way that he claims he does then he would have left her along time ago. Friends or not!!!!
He is just playing you around. He wants to have his cake and eat it 2!!
Yes there is a lot of stuff there with his wife. House, kids, cars, etc. And if he gets divorced it will mean child support, maybe even alimony. That is a lot for that man to have to deal with.
So he isn't planing on leaving her. You are just a fling to him. He couldn't possibly love you because if he did he would march right up to her and say I don't love you anymore and our marriage isn't working out. I don't want a long drawed out battle and I don't want us hating on another. I want to make things right for you and the kids but we can't salvage our marriage.
He would have found a way by now to have done this if he really loved you!!!!!
So move on!!! You are never going to fully forget what you think that you had with him. But in time you will be able to move on and live life.
If you have moved on already why are you still holding on to someone who doesn't want you???
End it quick! Don't take his calls, or meet him, loose contact permanetly!!!!!! That is the only way to move on. If you keep talking to this guy you will never get over him and he is gonna make you one of those women who wait around forever for nothing.
Even if he was to leave his wife what kind of life do you think that you 2 would have together??? If he messed around on her chances are he will do the same to you once he gets bored with you. You 2 haven't had an honest relationship!! Itr has been based on lies, especially from him!!!
Karma has a way of coming back and biting people in the ***. Don't let that happen to you.
If you love this other guy you need to base your relationship on honesty. Maybe you shouldn't marry this other guy if you have been messing around on him with the married guy.
You may want to start a whole new relationship with another single un attached male!!! One where you can be nothing but honest from the get go!!!
Please don't sell your self short again and go for another married man. They are only looking to find a new playmate for a little while. They want someone that they don't have to answer too!! They already have that at home!! So ofcourse they are going to sell you the moon. Make you think things that you normally would't so that you will stay with them and give into there needs no questions asked. Once they leave your house you are no longer a problem. You will keep your mouth shut and that is what they depend on!! So they go home and live life as normal as possible without guilt.
One more thing before I go. I want to know how you would feel if you where this guys wife that you are messing with? You say you love him right? How would you feel if she was the other women and he was doing this to you????
Maybe you should stop and take a long hard look at yourself!! Think of those that you have actually loved an imagine how you would have felt if some other woman had did this to you and your family!!!
Use your brain. Don't screw with married men!!!!!!!
2007-08-30 08:10:43 · answer #2 · answered by rockn75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. Its hard when you love someone you can't have. I think you are making the right move trying to move on, but disagree with you marrying the new guy when you don't have the same feelings for him you have for the man you are trying to forget. I think you marry the love of your life. If the one you thought was the right one is not available, do not settle. Wait until the one you haven't found yet comes along. I know it is hard, but I think it is the right thing to do. In the meantime, you can work hard to be the person you dreamed you would be and make your life the life you want it to be. That way, when you find Mr. Right for real, you will be equal and healthy and ready for a marriage that will last a lifetime. I wish you the best.
2007-08-30 06:36:55 · answer #3 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Falling in love ,its a feeling it just come to you. Nobody is free from it .
The way you handle this feeling , this is up to you .
U have a relation with a married men (who will never leave his wife) in the same time u are engaged with another guy .
What u gone make of your live ???
2007-08-30 06:53:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it this way: You go ahead and marry this present b/f. Then the guy that your "in love with" eventually gets a divorce. Are you then going to hurt the man that your married to for another man who has no morals? Better yet would you continue cheating with this married man after you get with your new one? Personally I believe that you need to slow your roll and decide once and for all what it is that you really want out of life before making any promises that you aren't sure that you can keep.
2007-08-30 06:43:56 · answer #5 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are a sad little woman. Getting yourself involved with a married man....Just how the hell do you think you can MAKE him leave his wife? Are you that vain?? And to top it off...you are engaged to another man.....you need some therapy. I think you should leave BOTH men alone. The married guy will not leave his wife and the guy you are engaged to doesn't deserve the likes of you....you are a big cheater!!
2007-08-30 06:37:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, if he REALLY loved you he would not stay with his wife. He is choosing his wife over you, so obviously she is more important to him. Don't believe for a second that he loves you and only doesn't want to hurt her. Why is it ok to hurt you but not her?? Plus the fact that most men who cheat will cheat again and again. You marry the guy and when things fall into married life and the thrill is waning he'd more then likely cheat on you too. You need to totally realize that you are fooling yourself into thinking he loves you because he is choosing someone else. On top of that what are you doing engaged to someone when you say you love someone else more. Do you want to end up divorced again? You need to get your head on straight. You can't marry someone and be happy if you are still pining for someone else. You need to take some time and really concentrate on yourself and why you are jumping from relationships to relationships plus hooking up with someone who really is unavailable. You may want to go talk to a counselor. Sounds like it would help.
2007-08-30 06:44:03 · answer #7 · answered by Desiderata 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Uh break it off with the married man and start living! Its obvious he really cares about his wife and her feelings. Even if he left her he still wouldn't be ready for another relationship right away. And where is that going to leave you? I say tell him that you think he should try to fix things with his wife, and that you are moving on. Then do it. I know easier said than done, but you should do it.
2007-08-30 06:38:56 · answer #8 · answered by The thinker 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen ive been in love with a married man also and he wont leave his wife either so this is what needs to be done just leave him alone. your dating somone else my answer is that your not in love with him this makes the difference. You need time to get over your married friend and than move on because if you dont you and and your other guy will be misserable together.
best lf luck
2007-08-30 06:51:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me put it to you this way, say the married guy divorces his wife & marries you, do you think your marriage with him will last?
The divorce rate for couples who get married where the relationship started as an affair is around 80%!!!
Think about that.
2007-08-30 08:00:21 · answer #10 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋