How can i forgive and forget about my wife past mistakes?

Question

I have been married for 6months and just discovered that my wife had previously had two abortions from different men. She did tell me about these past relationships(One with a single guy, the other with a married man) but did not tell me she ever got pregnant for these men until i found out about her abortions from a doctor where we did scan test. She apologise for not telling me and asked for forgiveness and i have forgiven her though it hurt my feelings because she did not tell me before we got married.
She is not yet pregnant for me but can't get to take it out of my mind that my wife have had abortions. I really want to keep my marriage but the hard feelings is driving me crazy.........I can't seem to get it out of my mind.

Answer 1

We have all done things in our life that we aren't proud of. I'm sure oyu have to. We shouldn't judge others for the things in there past. Its the present that matters and how we live our lives now and in the future. Would you want her or anyone else holding everything you have ever done against you? Forget the past and love her for who she is now.

Answer 2

You truly have only two options. You can either forgive and forget and try to make the best of what you have right now. Or you can divorce her to hopefully you find someone else. She was definitely wrong for not telling you this. But what do you think? If she had told you earlier you wouldn't have married her? If you really feel that her having 2 abortions before changes that she is completely, then you should file a divorce because if you are always going to have this in the back of your mind, you will never be able to happy in this marriage. At the same time, you can get a divorce for this reason, and later you can leave a life with regrets of why you divorced her. It's completely up to you right now to decide. How much these past incidents affect you. Has she been faithful to you ever since you have been married? If so and she is really sorry for not telling you the truth earlier, I think she deserves a second chance. You never know you may have hid something from her too. Maybe not just as sever but still. Everyone deserves a second chance. Of course it's clear that she felt guilty about this that's why she didn't tell earlier in the fear of losing you!

Answer 3

what is really bothering you a) she had two abortions. b) She never told you, c) she has not been able to get pregnant by you ?

Any woman that has an abortion does not go into it lightly. It must of been a huge emotional strain on her. I would think she is carrying a huge amount of guilt and just found it too hard to tell you. Yes she made a mistake but after all we are all human. Have you not done anything that you have regretted in your past. She did tell you about the relationships with these two men and it was in the past so its not as though she has cheated on you. Are you worried that she may not be able to get pregnant with you because of the abortions? You have only been married for 6 months so its still very early day's but it wouldn't hurt to go and see a GP to discuss your fears. Try to bit a bit more forgiving and I hope it all works out for you both.

Answer 4

WAS ABORTIONS A SPECIFIC ISSUE THAT THE TWO OF YOU DISCUSSED BEFORE MARRIAGE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM? IF SO THIS WOULD BE CONSIDERED A BETRAYAL/OMMISION. BUT NOT PURPOSELY. YOU DON'T TELL EVERYBODY EVERYTHING HUSBAND OR NOT SOME THINGS YOU TAKE TO THE GRAVE. BUT SHE HAD TWO BY TWO DIFFERERNT PEOPLE SO IT COULDNT HAVE BEEN A MISTAKE THE FIRST TIME. BUT NOT THE SECOND, SO WE KNOW SHES FERTILE AND UNLESS YOU ALL DISCUSSED WHY SHE HAD THE ABORTIONS, LIKE IF SHE'S NOT READY FOR KIDS OR WHAT BUT YOU NOW NEED TO ADDRESS THAT NOW THAT U KNOW SHE DOESNT MIND HAVING THE AND CHECK AND MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THE ROUTE YOU ALL ARE GONNA TAKE IF SHE GETS PREGNANT AGAIN. B/C HOW YOUR TAKING IT NOW SEEMS THAT IF THAT CAME UP NOW AND THAT WAS HER CHOICE THAT YOU WOULD PROBABLY KILL HER! SO TRY YOUR BEST TO FORGIVE AND FORGET AS LONG AS YOU TACKLE THAT ISSUE RIGHT THIS INSTANCE RATHER THAN GIVE IT TIME TO FESTER AND PALY ON YOUR EMOTIONS. JUST PUT IT AWAY SO YOU CAN HAVE PEACE OF MIND AND A LOVING HAPPY MARRIAGE.!

Answer 5

Sorry to hear. You might need some time to deal with this, and figure out what really got you furious. The abortions or the actual LIE regarding these procedures.
I have to admit, that I believe in a woman's right to choose. Terminations of pregnancy is sometimes a lot better then having an unwanted child, then it's an innocent life that is caught in a whole world of disadvantages. But that is beside the point. Take some time to focus on how you need to deal with this, and do not just sweep it under the carpet. Honesty is one of the fundamental building blocks in any relationship, especially marriage. Remember. We are all human. Mistakes and imperfection are part of the deal. You might be able to work and get though this together.
Good luck.

Answer 6

It was your wifes choice to have the abortions...(and the mans) but if this was before you then it really had nothing to do with you. I understand that you are married and you may feel as though it was something importiant for her to tell you but sometimes these things are better left in the past...Maybe it was a hard choice for her and it hurts her to think about it. Sometimes it's more importiant to understand than to forgive and forget. Let this sleeping dog lie if you want to be able to make things work between the two of you. Nothing about it can be changed now and no matter what ANYONE says ... It always has a lasting effect on a woman about choices she has made, whether she regrets it or not!

Answer 7

OK, let us say she told you before you got married. What difference would it have really made? If you loved her, this would not be something that would hold you back. This is more than likely a couple of situations she is ashamed of and wanted to leave it in her past. There are many things in all of our lives we regret doing or had to do due to the situation at the time. I don't think you should be hurt over this matter and move on. Now if later you are finding out more and more things about her past that would affect you directly, I would be a little concerned on what else she is hiding. I think the only reason she should have brought it up if she wanted to was if you were seeing each other or married when she did it. Otherwise let it go and move on. It was a mistake in her past. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 8

If you have truly forgiven her than there should be no problem. There may be many reasons why she never told you. That is a very personal and hard time for a woman and not often a decision she has a hard time dealing with. She may not have told you because she has chosen to push it so far back to avoid the pain. What was the scan test for...are there other health issues you need to be more concerned about right now? Maybe you need to go and talk to someone to help you get over what you are feeling before you let it build up and resent your wife.

Answer 9

You need to realize that Abortions aren't exactly a light topic. Even the closest of her friends might not have known. It is hurtful, not only physically, but emotionally. A woman will be scarred for a very long time about an abortion. I know because I had one, and I couldn't bring myself to tell my loved one about it for a long time, and still now, when I remember it, IT HURTS A LOT because you constantly wonder what that baby would've looked like/would've been doing. You might not have loved the person you got pregnant from, but that child was half yours. When you have an abortion, you are playing god, you are decididng for that being that it will not live. It is just difficult, and i'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt YOU in anyway, but, it was difficult for her to discuss such a sensitive topic with you. She loves you, and doesn't want you to think any less of her. Think about it this way: Had she had these babies, WOULD YOU BE WITH HER RIGHT NOW?? WOULD YOU HAVE FOUND EACHOTHER???
Let her know that it bothered you, and although, you have forgiven her, it will take you some time to get used to that fact about her past.

Answer 10

You cannot truly forgive unless you forget. Anything that has happened in the past cannot be undone, and therefore your commiserating about it will come to nothing but further distrust, and perhaps end your relationship. You must decide what is important to you, is this issue so important that is makes you love her less. If it is then you should probably examine your premise for marriage. If not then remember that the embarrassments of the past are just that past, and your dredging them up and making her feel guilty will do nothing except drive a wedge. I'm sure she is very embarrassed about it, otherwise she would have told you I'm sure. It is often difficult to tell others of your mistakes, especially ones that are as personal as these.

Answer 11

We all have a past. Some aren't so pretty. But you havew to keep in mind what it has done to her! Stop and think of why she did what she did. Once haivng the 1st may have or may not been easier for the second........I think NOT. Nor either was the first an easy choice.
What else you have to keep in mind is that we all of us have the right to make decisions. Not that we make the right decisions, but we all have that right.

There's no reason she needs to ask for you to forgive her. It was her choice at the time, you weren't in her life.

Try to keep respect for her. You probably weren't told because today, tomorrow and always she isn't able to forgive herself. Just be there for her. She loves you, she married you. Now all we can all hope for is that she wasn't damaged by her choices and will beable to give you both that beautiful mirical. IF and when she does ever get pg, have patients with her and alot of love, because she is going to be dealing with very dark shadows from the past.