My mom called me this morning, she was crying on the phone and wanted a divorce from my dad. They have been married for 30 years, and this isn't the first time she said she want a divorce from him. She said she's fed up with my dad sitting at home doing nothing, while she goes to work. My dad is a computer engineer, he has trouble finding work because of his age, he's almost 60.
Right now I'm stuck, because my younger siblings emailed me to counsel my parents since I'm the oldest. Do you think I should butt in or not?
The whole thing is ridiculous, why would anyone want a divorce when they're that old?
2007-08-30 04:39:23 · 12 answers · asked by 結縁 Heemei 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know there comes a time in your life when you realize that there has to be something better for you. Do you not want the best for both your parents? I don't blame your mom for being fed up and wanting to do something about it.
Your dad may be 60, but there are still options for him to get some kind of work. Why can't he do substitute teaching or something like that? I think that if he really wanted to work, he could find work.
I don't think it is your job to counsel them. If they are not willing to seek professional help, then maybe there's someone else who could talk to them - like maybe a minister. You will be too emotionally involved to take this on by yourself.
2007-08-30 04:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Somethingtotry 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Encourage your parents to stay together. Certainly it isn't easy for your mom to go to work and see your dad not working. Marriage isn't about doing what's easy.
The computer engineering job market hasn't been good for some years. Companies have merged, closed, and some have laid off thousands of people. The fact that your dad is almost 60 y/o makes it harder for him to get a job. It's not his fault. However he must adapt to change.
Talk to your dad and encourage him to consider a job of lesser status and lesser pay. It will be hard for him due to his pride but it will help both your dad and your mom in the long term.
It will actually help your dad's pride and self esteem after he gets over the period of adjustment. I guaranty you that your dad feels terrible that he's not working. He is probably irritable and not easy for your mom to be around. If he got a job he would feel better about himself and not be so irritable.
Even if he got a job at McDonalds while he continued to look for a job as an engineer. Be careful about your mom and dad going to marriage counceling. Some of them believe in divorce for any little reason. Counseling can be very helpful if the counselor believe that marriages should be forever.
Don't believe those people who talk about boundaries and that you should stay out of your parents business. Those principles are helpful in some situations but not all, and I don't think they apply to you now.
I suspect that especially coming from an Asian culture, the oldest daughter has some responsibility and some authority with her parents. But even if that isn't true, your parents have been married for 30 years, are having a difficult time, and you can help them by being supportive to them.
The reason that there is a family is so that the family members can help each other. Many Americans have forgotten that. I encourage you to present my ideas to your parents but of course, as you know best.
I have not been able to work for the past 7 years due to physical disabilities. My x-wife got very angry when she got home and saw that I had done nothing during the time she had been working. Of course,there was nothing I could do, but that didn't matter to her. It was an emotional thing.
2007-08-30 22:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is another responsible adult you can live with until you are of age that will take you in (this does not have to be a relative) explain your situation to the court and ask if you can be placed with that adult. You should ask to speak to the judge privately with an attorney the court will appoint. If things are this problematic at home and will continue to be even after your parents' divorce perhaps the judge will appoint you a guardian. Good Luck. Just because your parents are getting a divorce you should not have to suffer any more than you already are.
2016-04-02 07:22:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear you are all going through that, especially your younger siblings. I think you should sit down with both your parents and talk to them. If you don't want to talk to them together then I would suggest doing it one by one. It doesn't hurt for you to put in your thoughts. Have they thought about marriage counseling or anything. Just tell them how you feel and how getting a divorce is going to effect the whole family and that you and your sisters/brothers are worried and don't want to see that happy. Let them know that you are all a family and whatever tough times we are going through things will work out for the best. Take Care and I hope everything works out for you and your family.
2007-08-30 04:52:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should counsel your mother to learn more about what her husband does. My job (which I should be doing right now) is computer programmer. I spend hours staring at a screen, sometimes typing very little, especially when trying to figure out in my head how I'm going to write the code to have the desired outcome. It doesn't "look" like I'm doing much. However, it's a job that requires a great deal of thought and the employment of logic. I'm sure it's the same for a computer engineer. Please help your mother understand that.
2007-08-30 04:57:29 · answer #5 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. bUT IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT MAKES YOU OR YOUR SIBLINGS HAPPY ITS ABOUT THERE HAPPINESS. IF SHE HAS STUCK IT OUT FOR 30 YEARS OR MORE IT WAS MORE THAN LIKELY FOR THE CHILDREN AND TO MAKE SURE SHE WAS THE BEST MOTHER POSSIBLE TO YOU ALL BUT SHE MAY HAVE COMPLETED THAT TASKS AND IN HER OLDER AGE SHE MIGHT WANT TO ENJOY HERSELF AND LIVE IN PEACE FOR A CHANGE. sINCE SHE HAS BEEN SAYING ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION THAT SHE WANTED A DIVORCE THEN IM SURE THATS HOW SHE TRULY FEELS AND MAYBE SHES TIRED OF PROLONGING SOMETHING SHE KNOWS WILL NEVER GIVE HER THE PEACE OF MIND AND HAPPINESS SHE DESIRES.. OR MAYBE ITS ALL TALK LIKE AL THE OTHERS TIMES, IN WHICH CASE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT B/C THIS WILL BLOW OVER LIKE ALL THE OTHER TIMES. SO BEFORE YOU TRY TO COUNSEL ANYONE MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THE NATURE OF YOUR COUNSELING AND IF IT IS EVEN WANTED.
2007-08-30 04:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by ALLTHEWAYREEL 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just let her cry on your shoulders, but don't tell her that she can come live with you if she divorces him. Help your dad find a job.
2007-08-30 10:43:38 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they want to divorce, let them. You'll be in the middle of this nonsense from now on, and you'll be the one to hear they complain about eachother for the rest of their lives. Parents just don't know how to keep their kids out of their marriage bs.
2007-08-30 04:50:28 · answer #8 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just be there for them and only advise if it doesnt work thier relationship it wasnt meant to be my mum and dad spit up after 35 years of being together and happy as larry now just one last thing advise them on having marrage counselling but becarefull
2007-08-30 04:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
eh, my parents say, "lets divorce" and then i start crying in my room. next day= good morning. what do you wanna do today?
2007-08-30 08:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋