I am newly married yes and unfortunately I am still totally in love with my ex husband who is not such a great guy and I know that. We (my ex and I) share a child together that he has nothing to do with and left me because of. Like I said he isn't a great guy, and my new husband is. I just dont think I dealt with the pain of losing my last husband like I should have and now I am heartbroken and confused. Please dont be mean guys I am really really sad and it hurts like nothing I can explain. Has anyone ever been there? Sometimes I wonder what I would do if my ex came back for me, I think I would leave new husband and run with my children, does that make me as horrible as I feel?
2007-08-30 04:15:02 · 28 answers · asked by LilSunbeam 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, my new husband has been my best friend for years and went through all the divorce stuff with me and I was there for him when his wife died. He totally knew about all this and my unresolved feelings and said he still wanted to marry me and loved me and I would get through it.....he isn't an innocent victim, we talked about it the night before our wedding night and I almost didn't marry him and he convinced me it would help me get through this and he loved me and when we were married it would be better for me.
2007-08-30 04:21:42 · update #1
You had better get counseling, before you are back here worried because you just got married, but still love your first two husbands.
2007-08-30 04:19:32 · answer #1 · answered by bgee2001ca 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should have waited to get married again if your ex left you because you had his child why would you want him back an if you say so your self that hes not such a good guy then what about him do you want it seems to me that you need to start thanking God for what you got an let the past be just that you need to move on with your life you have finally found you a good man that loves you an your child so don't be a fool take it an run girl bad guys never change they only an can get worse believe me hes not worth losing the man you are already with you need to allow your self to be loved the right way an your children deserve the same so just love the man you have even if you love him but your not in love with him if you try you will love him the same some day i wouldn't tell you if i hadn't been their my self don't go backwards only forewords.
2007-08-30 04:29:40 · answer #2 · answered by C.S. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't heal the pain of one broken relationship by rushing into a new one, no matter how "great" the new partner is. What you needed -- and it sounds like you still need -- is time on your own to heal and develop your own independent life with the support of your family and friends. You shouldn't go back to the ex (you seem to know he's a jerk), but I also honestly think you and the new guy made a mistake in getting married. Just because he's a great guy doesn't mean he's great for you (or that the timing is right). Frankly, it doesn't sound like you're even attracted to him. You shouldn't have married him, but he shares the blame -- he went in with his eyes completely open. Sounds like he was in serious denial, and you were seriously confused, and you can't get to a healthy marriage from there.
At a minimum, you should get some marriage counseling, you and hubby together. Do that now. Insist on it even if hubby says you don't need it. And talk to the marriage counselor about maybe getting a counselor for the kids. They've had one marriage disintegrate around them, a dad who is "not such a great guy", and are now witnessing a troubled new marriage that is likely to fall apart. That doesn't necessarily mean you should stay in your new marriage (if you don't love him and are miserable, that's not good for them), but it does mean that you should do everything you can to provide them with a stable environment -- and a stable mother -- going forward.
2007-08-30 05:02:02 · answer #3 · answered by Susan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your ex was not such a great guy, then why are you still in love with him? Why did he leave? Was he abusive, because if he was, then I can understand the whole "brainwashed" into thinking he's "the one". Why did you get remarried if you still had feelings for your ex? It was wrong, especially for the new husband. Does he even know your feelings for your ex? If your ex came back and you went running back to him, you'd be an idiot. Your ex wants nothing to do with your child and he's a jerk. Hmmm. Sounds like a real catch. How old are you? You sound very immature and probably should not have even gotten married the first time. My advice to you is to grow up, love your new husband because he is a better man, and get rid of the ex once and for all. And yes, if you went back to a lowlife ex like yours, it would make you horrible.
2007-08-30 04:29:00 · answer #4 · answered by kikio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yikes. That sucks. I feel bad for your husband and for you. Speaking from experience, some of us want things that are not good for us. It's so bizarre that we crave what we know is wrong. But you are only human, so don't be too hard on yourself. BUT you most resolve this, because it is not fair to your husband or to yourself.
It doesn't make sense that you still love your ex when you have a great man now, but sometimes the heart does some pretty strange things. Hopefully you can overcome those feelings with reason. You need to weigh the pros and cons of being with your ex and your current husband. Clearly, you're leaning more towards your husband, but you need to sit down and write down why your ex does not deserve you. You deserve to be happy, and there is no happiness in being with some jerk. You need to provide a stable environment not only to yourself, but also your children and your husband, who accepted you with all the baggage.
You should also count your blessings. You should consider yourself lucky that you have someone who cares about you (your current husband). That feeling may be now, but it may very well turn into a miserable state should you do something rash like running back to your ex. There is a reason why you are not together anymore, right?
Good luck :)
2007-08-30 04:27:26 · answer #5 · answered by edita 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let me tell you it was very wrong to marry him is didn't hed your feelings solved. DId he force you to get married?? Hope not, then you should of just wait for a while to recunstruct your life again & be clear on what U want for you & your kid. I don't know why your resons was for a Divorce but it could of being something big to make this decition.. So things are done now & I guess you have 2choices either forget about your ex- hubby for ever & continue with your now hubby & try to love him day by day & be happy the rest of your life OR Think about your really feelings about your EX & if you are sure that U still love him even if he is not a great guy and want to be with him & see if things work again then DIVORCE your now hubby & let him be happy with someone that will value him better than you( this is not an agression ) is just being honest. Because if you really want to have a better life with your now hubby U will need to FORGET completely about your EX & work to be happy as a family .. Think about it & best wishes!!
2007-08-30 05:36:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was married for 19 years to a not so good man, and we had a child together. We divorced 2 years ago, I am getting married again next year. I am not in love with my ex but I think what your going thru is when we have children with someone else it creates a bond with that other person, and naturally you want to be with that person because you have a child together. I don't think your really in love with him your just in a fantasy form of thinking that you are because of the child you share and wish he had stayed with you. Something you could think about is if you two did get back together would it really work out since he never wanted the child? My advice for you is to let him go and put the love you have for him towards the child you share, and enjoy the man who does love your child. It sounds like the real father wouldn't be a good choice to have in your child's life and when it all comes down you have to put the child first.
2007-08-30 04:26:59 · answer #7 · answered by amicque 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Keep in mind you're calling him your ex husband for a reason no matter how big or small he is an ex. Only you can tell you what you would do if this man came back for you however if he's not willing to deal with his child and left you for that reason you need to be honest with yourself and realize he's not coming back. The night he left to get cigarettes and milk and never came back that's what he wanted. He's not coming back and he's not looking back. Sad part about it is the only person that's hurting is his child because he doesn't care about the child. Now your new husband as wonderful as he is, you need to let him go. You can't honestly be happy with him until you can be happy with yourself. Right now you don't see to be able to be happy. You need to go and talk to a counselor to see if he/she can help you move beyond your ex husband. I hope you get your life and situation under control before anyone else gets hurt. The best of luck to you.
2007-08-30 04:27:33 · answer #8 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I suggest you go and find some help, Questions on here won't be good enough especially when It involves more than you and your ex.
But I will say this, and not trying to sound mean, Why did you remarry if you still had feelings for your first? And second, you should really, and I mean really, go see a Professional.
I've seen people who have been in crappy relationship and couldn't pull away from each other or where one couldn't let go and was continously mistreated and it is not healthy. Not healthy for you, your new husband, and especially your child....
Get help and avoid your Ex who sounds completing wrong for rejecting your child you had with him while the two of you were married...
2007-08-30 04:24:29 · answer #9 · answered by Rain M 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When I read your story I almost burst into tears....this could be me. I am in almost the same situation just I have not accepted to marry the new guy in my life...why because I'm in luv still with my ex/children's father. He to is not such a great guy, he's selfish, inconciderate, mean, just an ugly person and he too abandoned my oldest daughter who he is not the biological father of but he did raise her since the age of 2, she's 8 now. Once we split he only picks up my son and my youngest daughter who are his. He completely leaves out my older one. After all those years he never bulit a bond with her enough to spare her feelings of being left out. And what do I still do??? I still luv him despite all the crap he's put us thru. I met a great man after our split. We started as really good friends, he was the one I could talk to about anything and he understood me. We started getting a bit more serious and he is completely in luv with me now and would marry me tomorrow if I would say yes, He's luving, understanding, respectful...everything a woman could want and here I am still stuck on this loser of my ex. So not sure that I can help much but just to let you know you're not alone and your feelings aren't out of this world. This is so common. I think yes you rushed into getting married but what's done is done. Try to luv your husband because IT WILL be the same if not WORSE once you go back to your ex. He will know that no matter what you will come back and he'll treat you more like crap just because of that fact, I know my ex has done that to me. Stay where you are and make the best of it. Look at your life..would you really have all of what you have with your ex?? probably not. If you figure this one out let me know cause I need help too, email me if you'd like or add me as a contact and we can get in touch.
2007-08-30 05:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by justbeingme_ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
That love you felt for your ex-husband was very real. Its hard to just get over it. One thing to realize is that, you love the good times you had together. And some of it could be that you love the girl you used to be. I'm certain you love your new husband, sometimes the feelings of the past come rushing in... a lot of it was left unresolved. It's kind of like when you loose someone by death. If you lost them suddenly, it takes longer to heal from. If you watched them die over a long period of time, you've had time to prepare yourself and say goodbye. The death you experienced was your marriage.
You're not wrong to keep going with your life. I would re-evaluate your feelings of "if he came back" though. I would hate to see you end up living in what if land. He won't come back, and if he did... he'd still be the same person that deserted you before.
2007-08-30 04:32:45 · answer #11 · answered by pickles1720 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋