He has in the past been mentally abusive, threatening. I was not allowed to have a phone, car or a job until we had been married for approx. 6 yrs. I was allowed a job only because our 3 children could not be supported on his income alone. I am not allowed to "go out" with any friends (even shopping) and if I rebel and do it anyway there is the 3 day arguement when I return. Over the past 2 yrs, my husband has experienced ED and premature ejac. I have been very understanding, we have talked, gone to counseling, spoke with the MD. Even before this we had problems because of the way I was treated. When I would threaten to leave when the kids were small, he would threaten me back with I would never see them again. Now that the kids are almost grown he threatens me with "I'll kill myself". My therapist says he has nothing else to hold over my head and he is desperate. When we have sex, which has to be scheduled for viagra purposes, it disgusts me! Also, I am not allowed to move during sex.
2007-08-30 03:53:23 · 32 answers · asked by goldpony2002 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why are you still there? You have missed 22 years of life. Get out woman and live!!!!! God Bless, wish you the best, if you need help packing give a call....you need to go.
2007-08-30 04:01:00 · answer #1 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assume for a moment, you could put the entire history of your relationship aside and start fresh...what do you want for yourself, your husband, and your children? Can you get there within the confines of your current situation? There are as many types of relationships as there are people. Only you can really decide if this is where you want to be. But, begin by making YOUR OWN choices. Write them down, think about what you've written, talk it over with a trusted friend or adviser (if that's your way), and start living the life of your choosing. If your decisions are not popular to those around you, or, aren't particularly different than the ones you've made in the past, that's ok. Go forward with your eyes wide open (if that's what you choose). Whether you choose to make a change or not, you are making a choice.
2007-08-30 04:13:14 · answer #2 · answered by Stefani C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. Talk the situation over with your kids and explain all to them and what you want to do. Your husband is selfish, controlling and lacks confidence. You need to get out of the relationship and walk away from him without turning back. He will haunt you, try to intimidate you and threaten you. Make sure your kids understand this and that they have to be strong with you. He will not change unless he gets MAJOR help, which at this point, I doubt he does. Why are you having seex with him if you do not enjoy it? It is not your DUTY as a wifs as so many women believe. You can contact me if you would like to discuss more. As I said, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and sold it. God Bless
2007-08-30 04:01:17 · answer #3 · answered by Bill P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I may of missed your question, but if it's what I think your asking, then I'd have to say GET OUT!
He is trying to keep you by now threating his own life! It's too bad you can't say: " Well go for it"!!! You took all my years away from me!
When you can't tolerate sex any longer with a person, it makes you feel dirty and discusting.
It sounds like you have tried counceling, but it doesn't seem to have worked.
I hate seeing marriage end, but an abusive marriage isn't a "marriage".
Free yourself and get out there in the world and see if you can have a better life.
2007-08-30 04:06:06 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something you married this man he was very controlling from the beginning. you had children and we ere not allowed to work only because of your children. cant go out with any friends, you have been in counseling with him when you threaten to leave he told you would never see your kids again you are fool. now if you leave he will kill himself and when you have sex you cant move. please you need some cerious help for your self.
best of luck
2007-08-30 07:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should not be afraid of him I had the same experience before with my husband and the more you get scared the more he'll scare you he had threatened me that he will kill himself if I leave him for the first up to 5x I had believed him I was afraid that he would kill himself but then things only got worse and it seems that me getting scared only fuels him to abuse me more then I got fed up and when he told me that he'll kill himself I told him that okey do whatever you want I'm not scared and I don't care then he hit me and I fought him after that incident I left him and he did not do anything to himself.. nobody has any right to abuse any person he is a selfish man and you deserves to be happy don't live in fear my dear fight for your right
2007-08-30 04:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by aquila 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so why are you with him? i agree with your doc. he's got nothing left. he punishes you and torments you. he does not love you and not to be rude but you are demented if you think he does. i have been in relationships like this before and they are pitiful. they bring you down and make you less of a person. love is not supposed to do that. it is supposed to be uplifting and kind. it is where people share their emotions and each other. this man is out to punish you and you allow him. and the longer you allow it the more of your life is wasted. leave. go find who you are and be happy. if he kills himself so be it. because if you stay all he is doing is killing you as a person. lets face it wouldn't it be nice to have an opinion again and free will. this man is full of threats and i have found from personal experience they are normally empty threats. but with you they are working so he is winning. likelyhood of him killing himself is slim. he is more than likely a coward to needs to control someone to feel better about himself. but what it comes down to in the end is it's you or him. who do you love more? and who deserves the happiness? good luck to you
2007-08-30 04:06:53 · answer #7 · answered by MotherTeresa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man has MAJOR issues. Since this behavior has been tolerated for so long, it will be even harder to overcome. You need to find the reason for his distrust of you. It probably is his insecurity and his sexual problems only make it worse for him. You need to make a stand and if he starts the suicide talk again, call him on his bluff. If you think he really is serious about doing it, call for medical attention immediately and have him commited for help. He knows this ploy will keep you at bay.
2007-08-30 04:02:35 · answer #8 · answered by nawlinsraider 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you are waiting to leave because????
Do you want to lose your life or those of your children? Get Out!
You have a track record for being abused in the past.Get Out!
You are being kept as a "Prisoner" in your own home. Get Out!
You are miserable and there isn't any solution by staying home. Get Out!
You are already in therapy and no solution in sight. Get Out!
Excuse me but what part of "Get Out", don't you understand? This is a totally disfunctional not to mention potentially life- threatening situation. PLEASE! Get Out!!!!
2007-08-30 04:42:06 · answer #9 · answered by JD 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you asking what to do next, because I don't believe there's an easy answer. :\
I'm wondering about two things... What do you all explore during therapy, and do you personally find it as being effective... and whether or not you've stayed with your husband because you love him, or because you're scared... or both? ... or neither?
From what you've written, there are no redeeming qualities to this relationship.
Perhaps support from your kids will give you the strength to take you to the next stage of your life?
2007-08-30 04:04:58 · answer #10 · answered by jenks 101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋