Do you think it is ok to call your spouse a B!+c# if you "think she is acting like one" but she does not believe she was?" Why can't I get over this? The hubby and I got into an argument over the phone ending in him calling me the above word and hanging up on me. I believe we are both at fault for this and told him. I apologized for the things I thought I was at fault for and expected him to apologize, at the very least, for the name calling. He still stands by his word choice. He defines a B**** as a woman who is not "using her head." Is that what you guys think? Please help me with this and be honest but tactful.
2007-08-30 03:52:13 · 13 answers · asked by boxiedoxie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That was the first time I called him that day and I was letting him know that I had gotten to me destination (I was on a trip) fine and let him know the plans. I was not nagging him, I was very calmly trying to explain to him my point of view so maybe he would calm down and talk to me like a human husband. He has never called me any name while in an argument in the 5 years we've been married and even when I told him how bad it hurt me he still didn't care that it hurt. To me that is not right. If I know that something hurt someone, but still thought I was in the right I tell them I'm sorry for hurting them, but...
2007-08-30 05:13:07 · update #1
Philosophy, I am not trying to make him look like a jerk. The entire story is long. I have tried to touch on the important points. I have already apologized for the things that I thought I could have done differently, but I got nothing from him and I do not believe that the entire argument was my fault. The only thing I asked of him was to apologize for something that hurt is wife, whom he says he loves. Name calling is not love.
2007-08-30 05:19:16 · update #2
No I do not believe that name calling during an argument can lead to anything productive. I do believe that it is a sign that two people have some issues that they need to work on and discuss at a more rational time. All married folk argue about stuff. Most time it is small crap, but sometimes it is about big stuff.
Before your next argument you two might want to sit down and go over the ground rules for how you are going to argue. Some suggestions.. No hitting, spitting, throwing, NAME CALLING....and anything else that would lead to a permanent split between you. And you must promise each other that you can't go to sleep angry......using this rule allows you to wake up to a new day and while you may think about your previous argument your anger about it has been dealt with and it allows you to focus on the issue and maybe even resolve the problem.
2007-08-30 04:20:22 · answer #1 · answered by malter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say its okay but sometimes people say hurtfull words when they are mad. Also B..... to him is just a word I wouldnt take it personally. Also if he knows it hurts you when you get into another arguement he will definately use it again. Its all about hurting each other when you are mad. You probably say or call him somehting that makes him feal the same way. You only fight like this with the people you love cause you believe they will always come back. Been there done that... We have tried setting rules when you start fighting/ aruing bring up the rule 1 (time out) ,2 (dont bring up past) or 3,4,5 and both must follow the rule whatever it maybe. Remember if it gets physical make sure you report it the first time don't wait........
2007-08-30 04:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by oppy911 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
THAT IS A LOAD OF BULL. YOU MAY JOKE AROUNND AND USE THE WORD ONCE OR TWICE WITH A GIRLFRIEND BUT THAT IS WITHIN REASON AND CONTEXT ALSO. BUT FOR YOUR "HUBBY" TO CALL YOU THAT DURING AN ARGUMENT AND THE TWO OF YOU NEVER USE THAT TYPE OF LINGO ON A REGULAR BASIS THEN HE IS WRONG. REGARDLESS IF THAT IS HIS DEFINITION OF THE WORD HE KNOWS YOU DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY AND THATS BECAUSE HIS EXPLANATION OF HOW AND WHY HE USED THE WORD FOR WHATEVER REASON IS WHACK. YOUR A WOMEN AND MEN KNOW THATS THE MOST OFFENSIVE THING YOU CAN CALL A WOMAN. SO FOR YOU TO BE HIS WIFE AND HE IS STILL UNAPOLOGETIC IS A PROBLEM. DON'T PLAY BACKBITER OR BE AN NAG ABOUT IT ACCCEPT IT FOR WHAT IT IS BUT YOU MAKE SURE NOT TO FORGET THIS, AND IF THAT WORDS JUST HAPPENED TO SLIP AGAIN THEN ASK HIM WAS YOU NOT USING YOUR HEAD THAT TIME TO AND WHAT WORD YOU SHOULD USE TO DESCRIBE HIM IF YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT HIM!.
2007-08-30 04:26:57 · answer #3 · answered by ALLTHEWAYREEL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he just told you that you were acting like a "B" then to me that is no worse than saying you are acting like an idiot. It still means virtually the same when you get past the stigma of the "B" word. Now, if he actually called you a "B" then that is a whole other story. Basically you are talking semantics here, and you are offended simply by the stigma of the word. Why can't everyone get over name calling, because the first thing I ask myself when I get called a bad name is, "Am I" or "Was I?" Don't always focus everything outward, because sometimes you may act like one. Hell, you are entitled to.
2007-08-30 04:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You guys have a lot of relationship work to do. Name-calling is never the act of a loving partner. You should both be able to state your views and complaints without personal attacks. And one of the keys to maintaining a decent relationship is to give up the part of ego that insists on being 'right' and/or refuses to apologize even when one thinks they are right. Check out the sources below, and find a therapist.
2007-08-30 04:17:13 · answer #5 · answered by Jack07 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what the argument was about and how badly you were nagging him and how many times that day had you called him to complain.
If you were driving him up the wall over some stupid thing then he called you what you were acting like.
You aren't telling the entire story here. You are just wanting him to look like a jerk and not telling what you did.
2007-08-30 04:01:04 · answer #6 · answered by philosophy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
people say things out of anger. Quit making the argument ongoing and drop it and move on. You are being petty about something small.
2007-08-30 03:59:25 · answer #7 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is not nice calling each other names, regardless of the situation.
2007-08-30 04:22:28 · answer #8 · answered by Jabberwock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So called "bad words" are more a reflection of the person's frustration than the person they are talking to. How about you just realize that you REALLY REALLY frustrated him.
2007-08-30 04:14:59 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
name calling isnt right...tell him to agree to no longer call names..if he is sorry tell him u forgive him this time not the next
2007-08-30 04:06:27 · answer #10 · answered by amayseng 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋