I was the matron of honor in my cousins wedding. Well after the wedding me and the best man hooked up. We were both married and had families. So we knew the consquences before hand. Anyway we started sneeking around seeing each other. We never intended on being with each other it was only a"lust" thing. But I think that I may have developed some feeling for him. But both of our spouses found out and his wife left him and me and my husband are seperated. But now he doesn't want anything to do with me. He wants his family back but his wife doesn't want him. What am I to do I feel so stupid because I still want him in my life. What should I do to get over him?
2007-08-30 03:49:24 · 15 answers · asked by Punkin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You cheated on your spouse and now want something that is not going to happen. That's how life is... you now have to pay the piper
2007-08-30 03:55:34 · answer #1 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not the man, its you.
Before anything else, look inside yourself and asked yourself what principles do I hold in a husband-wife realtionship, boyfriend/girlfriend realationship. Learn from the past mistake.
On this man, he does not want you in fact blames you for spoiling his family. You both made a big mistake. So leave and let go, what you feel is not love, how can there be a one sided love? with someone who does not response, no future here.
Move on by letting go. Get some other NEW activity into your life and I do not mean a realtionship. Anything that would fill your time in a fun way or new.
Hope the above helps
2007-08-30 04:00:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a good look in the mirror. Two homes were ripped apart by this relationship. I'm not judging...just pointing out the facts. Lust is a powerful thing and you've gotten it confused with feelings. No true love is going to be based on lies, deceit and hurt. Talk to a therapist...you've been through a lot. Do you still love your husband? If not get divorced and let him get on with his life. If so, focus on your marriage. You have to take care of that relationship before you can even think of moving on to a new one. Let your lover repair his marriage. It's obviously where his heart is and probably where it should be.
You need to focus on your and YOUR situation. You're too close to it all to see the big picture. Focus each day on a way to fix/dissolve your marriage while he focuses on repairing his. In time, you'll come to see things as they really are.
You've got a lot of work a head of you but I wish you the best of luck and one day a love of a lifetime.
2007-08-30 03:58:42 · answer #3 · answered by Shakespeare 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should realize that you were the other woman and did not amount up to the woman his wife was to him. Yes, he cheated on his wife with you but he did not love you in the way he loved his wife. You even said it yourself that it was a "lust thing." He lusted over you but he loves his wife. You are not the person he wants to be with, you were just a fling to him. You allowed him to use you and now he is done with you and wants nothing to do with you any more.
If you see the situation for what it really is, then you will be able to let him go. I am sorry for sounding so mean but that is just the truth of the matter. Work on patching things up with your husband. You made a huge mistake and you unfortunately have to pay for what you did. You should have never cheated on the person you said vows to before God. Things will always end up bad for you when you do stuff like that. Sorry.
2007-08-30 04:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
The first thing to do is to not beat yourself up over it. Everything happens for a reason and it is our job to figure out the reasons we make the choices we do. No One can do that for us.
First you have to ask yourself, why did you start to see him to begin with? There must have been some issues or things you saw as lacking in your marriage that you felt this other man could fulfill. Many times this is an illusion we create to avoid dealing with the real problems we need to fix. Most times, this type of behavior signifies a dis-satisfaction within yourself more than in the other person. We project in on to our partners, but we really have to look within to find the answers and solutions. You chose to deal with this in a de-structive way, and the way to get over the other man is to re-construct your life, without him.
Do you really want to be with the other man or do you wish your husband had qualities like him? I feel that maybe you would like your marriage to be different ratehr than to be with the other man. You may just be attached to the idea of the feeling of euphoria he gave you, and now that your own husband and you are separated you are clinging on to that because you feel like you have no one in your life.
You need to have a long honest talk with yourself and decide first if you want to re-construct your marriage, or end it peacefully. You have to let go of your fear of being alone and be honest with yourself and your spouse. You cannot continue to live in both worlds, that is for sure or you will continue to be torn and take others with you. You have to decide what YOU want-without any manipulation form either spouse, lover or kids/family. What is it that you want? Obviously you want someone who desires you madly-and it is possible that maybe your husband does not know how to show that. It does not mean he does not feel it though-you both need to talk, as painful as it may be. There is always two sides to the story, and you both need to agree to see the other's side even if you don't agree with it..
The other man does not want to be with you now-so there is nothing you can do to change that. Wishing things were different will not change anything, but deciding what to do now will change everything!
If you s till want to be with your family & your husband, I suggest that you seek marital counseling and go from there. He is wounded and it will take a long time to regain trust in you, but if it is what you want, then move forward with it. Do not blame yourself-it is always both parties that contribute to marital issues. However, you need to accept responsibility for what you have done, the choice you made and who you have hurt, mostly yourself.
Work on yourself so that you do not feel the need to be destructive in this way. You said you knew the consequences before hand, yet you did it any way. Find other ways to recapture that thrill and excitement so that it does not destroy all that you do have and care about.
Release your blame/worry dynamic. These are 2 of the most useless emotions and will not solve the issues at hand. Do not get pulled into t hat, instead, focus on the cause and the solutions.
I really wish you the best of luck with this-sometimes we have an inner need to destroy things so that we can re- build them again. I suspect this is what you are doing without knowing it!
Peace and Good Luck to you!
.
2007-08-30 04:13:49 · answer #5 · answered by BodyLogique 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty clear he doesn't want you, so why not try patching things up with your husband? IF you know for a fact he doesn't want to keep the marriage, get the divorce finalized, and then start the dreeded dateing scene again.
It sounds like it will be easy for you, sense it was easy for you to go against your vows in the first place.
And keep in mind that this man wants his family back. You were just fun why it lasted! Why want a man who doesn't want you? Sex can be had anywhere and that my dear, is what he found in you.
2007-08-30 03:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find some other guy to focus on who doesn't have a family.
He does not want you. Sounds like you are such a horn dog you'll go for any guy that gives you 5 seconds of attention. Too bad you screwed your husband over so bad.
2007-08-30 03:57:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cheated on your husband? Yeah the wife doesn't want him back. Well he doesn't want you because of what happed? Well yeah it was wrong about what you did. But at least you admit it. It may take a while. It depends on how he feels. Give him time. Then ask if he wants to go out. But if you want to get over him, ask your husband for forgiveness. Then ask if you and your husband can "re-start" explain to him what happened and everything. If not move on and meet new people
2007-08-30 03:55:53 · answer #8 · answered by Mel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is exactly why having affairs are so destructive - they just don't hurt one person, they hurt many and destroy lives. Having said this, I suggest you let this man go and let him get on with what left of a life he has.
2007-08-30 04:15:22 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but you need to wake a up a little. He is a good lay, but he doesn't love you. You are only a distraction from his life. Go see the movie "Holiday" it might help you understand things better.
2007-08-30 04:19:22 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋