would you give up on 13yrs marriage?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 13yrs. I am 33 she is 32,we have 5 kids.
She has recently told me she her feelings for me have changed.She says theres nothing there,
What should I do.Should I take it and move on or fight for our marriage....I have always been faithful to my wife..she is my best friend and I thought she was my soul mate.

Answer 1

You can't force her to feel a certain way. You got together young and people change. Split now while you are young enough to start a new life. Don't try to hang on because before you know it, you'll be 40 and in the same situation. It's great that you love your wife, but love yourself more. Split. stay friends and move on.

Answer 2

Ouch...I bet that hurt deep thinking she felt the same way as you. Thirteen years is a long time to just call it quits. I feel that if there is some faith and love in a marriage that it can be saved, although sometimes it can't unfortunately. I would suggest on asking her the 'why reason'. Why she has fallen out of love so do speak. She must have a reason for this change of emotion and behavior. It may not be a good reason to your understanding but it will be for her. Has she found another love perhaps or is her life in a 'rut' so do speak? Maybe she is tired of the same routine everyday. Maybe if you changed your everyday routine and take her out more or better yet, take her on a romantic weekend so the both of you can talk and have privacy away from the rug-rats..lol. I hope this has helped. Don't give up as yet. Try everything you know how to save your marriage. After you have tried all possible means then think the 'worse'. Have a blessed day!

Answer 3

Have you asked her what has caused her feelings to change? Sometimes after being married for so many years and after so many kids, the magic seems to leave the marriage and you get all hemmed up in kids stuff and things surrounding the home and have very little time together. If you love her, believe she is your soul mate, know she is your best friend and have remained faithful (very commendable), then my advice would be to fight for the marriage. Would she be willing to see a counselor or attend a marriage retreat with you? Maybe you just need to rekindle the flame again by either taking her out on a date (alone) or going away for the weekend alone. Sometimes hum-drum makes you believe you've lost feelings when that's not always the case. Your wife has alot to lose, mostly a decent man who really cares for her as well as the 5 kids. Try to find out what's going on with her, and if you feel the marriage is solid, work on it. Tell her that, for your kids sake.

Answer 4

Before jumping into a divorce, why not try a legal seperation?

Maybe having you away from her awhile, might get her juices running wild for you again. Some people think their feelings are different, when their really not, their just use to the same oh same oh. They need to experience a change.

It may not sound to nice to you, but if I were you and you left for awhile, I would do my damnedest to not being available for her beck and call right away. She will more than likely be wanting you for this and that. Keep in mind it was HER feeling that weren't the same any more.

Have you asked her if she has someone new? If she does, things won't go smoothly in a seperation.
I hope there is an angel looking out after you and your family.

Answer 5

Don't just give up and move on. If there is "nothing there" then make something be there again. Woo her like you have just met her, wine and dine her, date her again.
Even if you think you already do these things, improve on them. She wouldn't say there wasn't anything there if you were satisfying those needs of being wanted. She needs to feel wanted and loved and respected.
13yrs. is a long time. You have these 5 beautiful children that expect mommy and daddy to let them know everything is going to be okay.
Don't leave each other for something as frivolous as "nothing there". You both have to work to make something be there. Make sure you aren't the only one trying to save your marriage.

Answer 6

Never give up. Any good marriage is worth saving.

It is time for a long, open talk about her feelings, and the impact any change will have on not only the two of you, but the kids. She needs to do some sould searching and see if her 'feelings' can change again, and you might need to do some soul searching to see if there is something you are doing, or not doing, subconciously or conciuosly that has aided her change in feelings.

Communication is very key at this point. No one can afford the luxury of avoiding the 800 pound gorilla in the room...so to speak.

Please give strong consideration to the kids before making a concrete decision that will affect them, and they seemingly have no chance to affect!

Answer 7

There are 5 kids involved here. No, you don't give up. She may well be feeling overwhelmed and unloved. The two of you need counseling both together and separately. You also need to get away together. When was the last time the two of you made time just for each other? Do everything you both can to recapture what you first loved about one another. Seek wisdom and guidance from God. Good luck!

Answer 8

Have you talked to her about what has changed? Is it possible that with everyday life getting in the way it caused you guys to grow apart -- so gradually that you never noticed? Is she willing to work things out? Go to therapy? For the sake of the kids & 5 years, I wouldn't go down without a fight. Especially after reading that she's your best friend & soul mate. Keep in mind though, the little things go a long way. When's the last time you guys had some alone time? went out to dinner or just sat on the front porch together talking?

Answer 9

I think that's a tough decision that really only you two can make. Is she wanting to leave or did she just tell you so you know? Maybe she's asking you to help her fix the marriage? Have you both been unhappy or struggling in the marriage?

I don't think you should throw in the towel if you love her. Maybe she's feeling overwhelmed and lonely (ie. 5 children). Love on her like crazy and tell her you want it to work. If she is adamant that it's over, I don't know what else you could do.

Answer 10

Hi,
I can understand feelings changing after 13 years of marriage and 5 kids. However, maybe you two just need some time to rekindle things. Obviously the marriage and family is important to you so I would fight it. Maybe she just needs a remind of how great things are between you two. Good Luck.