I need serious advice on my marriage.?

Question

I have been married to my husband 5years and together for 10. I just turned 30 yrs. old and he is 37. My family is in WIS. and his is in FL. We live in FL because he has a good job and I am currently a full-time student. I just started school. He is not a family guy and never see's his family. We are here only for his job. His only strive in life is money. I am very family-oriented. I met him when I was twenty and he has made all my decisions for me. I lack self confidence. He doesn't like me to have friends, work with guys or to ever go out. So he has been all I have known for 10years. I get a bad feeling when I think of having children with him. He acts like a father in our relationship. I want to move home so bad, but everytime I go home, I have this bad feeling, because I am so used to being told what to do and I come back to him. I am 30 and lost. I am scared to start over. I am homesick and I have nobody or nothing down here. Serious replies only. Thank-you

he won't leave his job, and I wouldn't ask him to. It is a good job and he lives very comfortable. I would leave with nothing except a car payment that I don't know how to cover until I get a job. I know he would not go. I would have to go through a divorce and that would make me feel like a failure. I just am so miserable. I don't know whether to finish school which will be a few years and then move up or move now and start over with a crap job and start schooling in 6months there. I am also afraid what I will miss if I stay a few more years. My sister has a new baby I never see, my realtives I never see and all the everyday things I miss. Plus, I daydream of finding that special guy that would make such a great father someday. I am running short on time realisticly and biologically. I need advice, I know I sound a mess, but I need advice.

Answer 1

As a full-time student, you should be eligible for counseling services through your school. I would strongly recommend that you take advantage of them to help build up the self-confidence to eventually break free from this controlling relationship (and make no mistake, it is controlling; he's isolated you from every possible source of support other than him). There are also hotlines you can call that can give you advice and help point you to other resources. If you don't feel you can do it where he might find out, try to muster enough resolve to get yourself home for a "visit" and start pursuing help from there.

Remember: it's never too late to start over, especially when your well-being is on the line. Good luck.

Answer 2

weather you pick up the paper or not your marriage is already registered under the law. It's way too late go home and forgot about it. If you do not want to be married to him anymore you would need to file an case and will need to go to court. He will also have to agree on the divorce and sign it. The best thing you could do right now is to tell your parents and get some help to go through with this, because I think you have made enough mistakes on your own, you need help. Also talk to your husband and tell him how exactly you feel. That will help to get through this easy way, because if he wouldn't agree on a divorce you are downing in hips of trouble, because it's not very easy to get a divorce just by your will. Most young people today takes these things so easily, marriage is one of the biggest decisions of a person's life, it's a turning point. You shouldn't take it so lightly. DO NOT marry some one just because you can or feel it's a good thing at the time. Take your time to think about it and do it ONLY if you are really ready and surely want to spend the rest of your life with that person. I don't know why most people don't understand this, that's why marriage is becoming a kind of a joke today.

Answer 3

This is actually relationship abuse, honey. Not physical, but mental abuse. He is not being fair to you, and is ENTIRELY too controlling.
You're thirty. You should have friends, be able to make your own decisions, without having to worry about what he thinks. Also, if the thought of having his kids makes you uncomfortable, that is a MAJOR warning sign.
My best advice here would be to, first thing, MOVE BACK HOME. Be close to your family. If you're a family-oriented person, I assume there's a reason for that - they must be fairly supportive, and I'm sure they'll understand.
Next, get a counselor. A professional will be able to help you a LOT in terms of learning to make your own decisions and bringing you out of your shell - and starting over. I can understand being homesick. But this guy is not good for you. Move home (with a relative if you can, or an apartment near them), start talking to a counselor who will help you, and get a divorce.
Best of luck, hun. YOU CAN DO IT.

Answer 4

Sorry things are the way they are.....I was in that type of relationship about 10 yrs ago...except I did have kids. He was not and still is not a good father. I did leave and did get a divorce and it was the BEST!! thing I ever done. Family is very important and you having friends is also important. Life is just to short not to be happy. I don't blame you for wanting to have kids w/ someone who you know will be a good father..The self confidence will come..but it might take some time. Be true to yourself...please make yourself happy, you sound so sad. Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

First you need to search your heart deeply and discover if this is true love that u feel for your husband or just staying with him because u fear the unknown? He is controlling you and your movements and over time it could get alot worse for u. Your right to worry about kids in this relationship. Kids cannot always be controlled and when he sees that he may totally lose his cool. If HIS family is close try to get to know them better. Just cuz he doesnt want to go over there doesnt mean you cant right? The reason he does control your thoughts- and movements is so it does break down your confidence. That way he has u where he wants u and your afraid to go out on your own! And apparently he has succeeded. Im sure your family loves u very much and would be right there to support your decision and be there to help u get thru it. I could never live without a close family either. Family is Number one to me. Search your heart and ask yourself if u r in love with him or not. If not- then its best to go home to your family where u r happiest. Life is way too short to live in a loveless marriage. You deserve so much better than that. Everyone deserves a happy marriage alive with passion. Good luck to u

Answer 6

Years ago I made the same mistake as you. I up and left my family and friends to follow my children's father to another state cause of a better job and his family also lived there. I felt the same feelings as you are now. I have never felt so alone in all my life. Soon after I realized that my family meant more to me than any man ever could and moved back home. But there are risk in doing this. Since I moved back to my home town he has had nothing to do with our children or me which is fine by me. Stop and listen to your heart it will never tell you wrong. No matter what anyone tells you you have to do what makes you happy.

Answer 7

First of all you and your husband move to fl because he had a good job your a student right, he doesnt take time out to see his family but your close to your family and missing them you should have thought about this from the beganning, Dont have any children because it seems like your not ready to and the marriage is one sided. Your home sick and afraid of starting over again its up to you to decide what to do. Put your best foot forward and stop being afraid.
best of luck

Answer 8

Seriously, you should get counseling. I would suggest you make something up and go home for a while. Get some counseling there and talk to your family. I know it is scary to make your own decisions after so long, but if you don't do something about it you never will. Even if you have kids one day, you will always be at the bottom of the totem pole. You make think that you will never find someone to love you if you leave him. But, honey, you will. But before that you have to love yourself first. Seriously, your husband is not going to change, in fact he will get worse because he is feeding off of your insecurities. He may in fact love you, but he has some issues of his own that he needs to deal with. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 9

You are a frightened ,unhappy,abused young woman.It cannot get much worst.You need to get out of this marriage before it is to late.Go home because your family is your only support.You need to be around them.You are young enough to get a job,go to school and start over.Its going to take a lot of strength to make these decisions but if you can do it you will have gained enough self confidence to get you through the difficulties ahead.

Answer 10

starting over can be scary. But if you're unhappy, you need to change that. Nobody can change that except for you. No person/marriage can make you happy until you're happy with yourself. Your husband should NOT be making all decisions for you. and he definitely should not interfere with you having friends. A good partner brings out the good in you, they don't bring you down. Sounds to me like that's what he's doing. I'd move home if I were you. if he really loves you, he'll go too.