Were do you see this going?

Question

I am going through a separation with my wife right now. We have 3 kids. In the next few weeks she is moving into her own apartment and I am doing the same. The thing is I am having another relationship with a married woman (6 months now) And I have known her for 4 years. She also has 3 kids. This woman and I love each other. And we are making plains on being together. She swares to me that her marriage is over and that she is not sleeping with him. From the past I know that he has treated her bad (mental and physical abuse).
She believes that he also has a girlfriend and wants my help in catching him so that she can make him leave. She says that she has told him that she does not love him and wants a divorce, but she says that he won’t leave. So she wants proof of him cheating. Should I believe this?
I know I am in the wrong. but me and my wife’s relationship has been over for a long time. I love this other woman, we are happy together but were do you see this going?

I forgot to also say that I work with this woman. I see her everyday, and she also is friends with my sister. Her husband works 2nd shift so I am always able to talk to her when ever we want. She has giving me her cell phone bills just to show me that she does not even talk with her husband. I am sure she does not love him. And that she loves me. We are very close. But I am still not sure about what to think about the future. Her kids know me....as a friend. And I will have joint custidy of my kids.

Answer 1

you made the first step by splitting with your wife. the other woman does not need to catch her husband cheating to leave him - that is just an excuse to stay. if she truly does not love him, she will leave. why does she need to wait for HIM to leave, can't she leave? technically she is not leaving her husband for cheating, she is leaving him because she doesn't love him anymore. and, can she blame him for cheating? isn't she cheating as well? cheaters never win! you should give her an ultimatum, leave him now or lose you and then you will see what happens. you started you relationship with her on a bad foot, it is bound to fail.

Answer 2

Good morning...Truthfully speaking and being quite honest, I don't see this going anywhere, I'm sorry to say. Why?..Let's think about this realistically...If you and this 'other' woman who is married have been seeing each other for 4 years now, why hasn't she taken the first step on getting rid of her husband? This isn't making sense to me. If this man has been verbally and physically abusing her throughout her marriage then why hasn't she left him by now or at least called the police on him or taken actions in the court system? And if there are kids involved then she should have done something when it first started. I don't think she really wants to leave him and finding excuses to tell you. All she needs to do is to obtain a restraining order or an 'order of protection' and get him out of her house. Why put you in jeopardy in trying to catch her husband? This is not the smart way of doing things. Let her take the first step. All she had to have done was to contact a lawyer and start the proceedings. Call the police if he abuses her and go on from there. I'm afraid she's just leading you on and that's sad. Proving that he is cheating isn't going to solve anything. The courts don't acknowledge that much anymore. Now they do when it comes to abuse and there are children involved. If you truly love this woman, then get an apartment for the two of you and the kids and she can move in with you. If she hesitates on that suggestion then you will know her true intentions on your relationship. Hope this has helped. Good luck and have a great day!

Answer 3

Honestly, I see this going the same direction your current marriages are going. Down the tubes. If you're marriage is in fact over & has been over for a long time now, why didn't you do the right thing & end it before you began another relationship? Same for your girlfriend. She wants proof of him cheating? c'mon. if she really wanted her relationship with him to be over, she would've left him. sounds to me like she's torn between the comfortable shoe (him) and the new & exciting guy (you) -- so she's hoping the decision will be made for her. If he's cheating, you win. If she can't find proof, you'll be strung along. I feel so sorry for the children. Did you even try to make it work? How do you know that you're "girlfriends" husband treated her badly? Did you experience it or was she just using that to ease her conscience? maybe he did. I have no way of knowing. But one thing you need to ask yourself (and she should be wondering about you too) is if you were able to cheat on your wife & walk away from your family, how can she know you wont do it to her? I'd never trust you. Same goes for her -- can you really trust her?

** so she showed you her cell phone bill -- BIG DEAL - doesn't she have a land line & access to one at work. If she loved you, she'd have left him by now. Be a man & take care of the family you created & committed to.

Answer 4

I see you being duped by this woman. Even if what she says is true, she's cheating on her husband with you. What makes you think she won't cheat on you with someone else? And in this day and age, most divorce judges do not care if one spouse or the other cheated when deciding on asset division (unless of course there was a prenuptial agreement), so her needing to know if he's cheating sounds fishy anyway. And if she wanted him out of the house, he'd be out of the house....she could have a custody and temporary order that puts the children with her and him out of the home. The whole situation sounds fishy and if I were you, I'd find someone who isn't already committed to somebody else. Seems like you're going through a lot for this woman -- shame you didn't put that much effort into your own marriage.

Answer 5

in another 6 months when your very lonely and realize that this married lover will not leave her husband,

you will wish you had your wife back,

the deciding factor will be when you realize your wife is in a new relationship, you will then realize what a mistake you have made,

When your coming home to an empty apartment and have no one to talk to and your kids are crying on the phone because they miss you,

I know your lust for this other woman is getting the better of you, but she will never leave him. she has no plans to leave him. He still wants his wife, and family, and the fact remains that even if he is seeing someone else he is dening this fact to save his marriage, he would do anything to make her stay and she only wants him to stop ,

Your going to be the loser ,

Sorry but its the truth.

FYI I have been in a similar situation.

My ex had a girl, and i stayed for a while , then when it was over he took me to court for my child in an effort to force me to remain,

Its been11 years and I am now married he is in his 3rd relationship and its going no where, he tells ME, My son and his family how he regrets what happended and wished things had been diffrent,

Ask him and many other men about regrets, it takes some men years to figure out others only months

I have the feeling for you it'll be sooner rather than later

I hope things can be repaired, best of luck to you.

Meg

Answer 6

You never know what to believe in these type of affairs.. I would back off and let her make the move to divorce him on her on i would give her 2 months to make the move, if she comes up with a excuse not to file in that time tell her when she gets her divorce to call you up.. You need to stay clear of her or be very very discreet until the divorce is final and her children have time to adjust to the divorce of their parents and your kids are going to need you. so i wouldn't count my chickens before the eggs hatch on this one because i think she is confused about what she really wants , if she doesn't still have feeling for him she would just leave him cheating or not. .

Answer 7

First of all you are leaving your wife and moving out on your own you become involved with another marry woman and she wants you to catch her husband cheating makes no sense at all . claim that she does not love her husband why not wait until she gets divorce and than have a relationship. you are in no position to catch her husband in the act, use your senses. Best of luck

Answer 8

You ever see a movie where the two trains are heading towards each other and the switch has been thrown, so you know its going to be a major train wreck and you can do nothing about it? That is how I feel right now!!
I understand you wanting another relationship, if the other one is over, HOWEVER, if you want to be shot and killed by an irate husband, I would suggest you make sure you have lots of life insurance so your present wife can raise your children and have a nice tombstone for your grave.
I have watched set ups like this before on news shows.. it sounds like you are in the middle of a major scam!
Well you asked my opinion!!

Answer 9

hmmmm its the old story of im going to leave him/her and they never end of leaving why does she need your help in catching him why cant she catch him herself? when i felt my husband was cheating on me, i found out who what when where and went right to where they were and confronted both of them i wouldnt believe her to me, if she really wanted to leave, she would. u dont say how old the kids are there are shelters that take in women and their children who have been in abusive relationships yes its hard to do i did it and was terrified i lived in a shelter for almost a year but they helped me get a divorce and see how abused i was etc i think its better if u just move into your own apartment and find another unattached woman to be with im sorry but i just dont see this happening the average abused woman leaves her house and goes back 7 times ask yourself do u really love this woman or is it because your marriage is over and u just want somebody because u dont want to be alone or are u doing it because u want to get back at your wife what about how it will affect all kids involved? well that is my opinion of your situation though i know its not what u want to hear good luck

Answer 10

Sounds like you are both in the middle of a fling. She will never leave her husband or want him to catch you two together. You, on the other hand, had better think of what your testosterone overload is doing damage to. Your three kids suffer and think about it, you will pay through the nose in child support. That piece of tail you claim to love also has three kids. Are you made of money? I don't think so. If I were you, I would get out of her pants and start fixing the relationship at home. I'll bet you would cry like a baby if she said sorry hon, I have met another man.

Answer 11

You traded you wife to a married woman..?! what are you thinking didn't you think what your kids will say about you? how can they respect you? you can't possibly believe that they are not sleeping together his is still the husband and he will sleep with her whenever he wants too as you say his abusive and he'll probably do whatever he want to her and she on the other hand can't refuse because she is still his wife. Can you prove that whatever she's saying to you is true or she is just a cheating wife also who wants to have fun? what I see is just disaster if you continue with your relationship with her while she is still married.