I'm 26 and 3 months ago started dating a guy who is 21. When he first asked me out i told him no several times and warned him that i have 2 children (ages 7 and 5) and that there is no way he would be ready for this kind of committment. He assured me that everything would be fine. we dated for a while without introducing him to my kids and we ended up falling in love. This guy is AMAZING in everyway. I finally introduced him to the kids and my youngest loves him and he is great with both of them. My 7 year old is very leary of him because his Dad isn't around and is basically a piece of crap. He ended up moving in and now he is totally stressed out. He is worried that he won't be able to provide for us or that my 7 year old will never like him. Is this guy out of his mind? I warned him several times what he was getting into. He assures me that he loves me so much that he will do whatever it takes to make this work. But i'm so worried another man is going to leave us.....
2007-08-30 03:07:08 · 18 answers · asked by olderwoman80 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well i guess i'll give more details....I've been divorced 4 years and this is the FIRST guy i have ever introduced to my children.....He still claims he is up for the responsibility. Thanks for the input everyone.
2007-08-30 03:25:49 · update #1
I understand you wanting to wait to introduce him but WH Y would you want to move him in. That is so trashy and it is teaching your children that morals aren't important. Bad move on your part, big time!
2007-08-30 03:44:22 · answer #1 · answered by boohoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the first one to say that age doesn't matter - but he is only 21. Twenty one is very young for someone to be settling down and taking care of children. Yes, I know that there are exceptions to the rule but look, he is already getting scared. Having him move in so soon wasn't really a good thing to do because if your 7 year old. At 21 we think we know what we want but are very different people at 27 -28. He may start to feel pressured, these are not his children. Keep talking to him and let him know your fears - ask him if he thinks it right for him to be living with you. This is a scary situation - but - if he is mature and you really love each other maybe it may work. I hope it does for you.
2007-08-30 10:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did make it clear that you have children and he said that it wouldn't be an issue. I find that rather difficult to believe for a 21 year old. I know it is a little too late...but probably letting him move in was not a good idea....should have gotten more of a commitment out of him before allowing him into your house. Now he is having doubts in whether he can provide for your family or not. Maybe he needs to move back out of your house...and let the relationship mature some more. Time will tell if this relationship will work or not.
2007-08-30 10:18:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all never let the man who is not dad LIVE with you until he marries you. If he wants to do the right thing and respect your children, then he needs to live in his own place. Don't you think your kids are confused? Of course they are, whether dad is a loser or not that is THEIR dad and will always be. They will love him no matter what. Your 7 yr old is very much aware of this, and probably misses his father. I would think to start this you need to live in separate places and slowly combine your children with the man in your life. Your right if another man leaves it can be most devastating to your children and they will remember how your living when they get older. Do NOT shack up with anyone, your kids should be first.
2007-08-30 10:19:23 · answer #4 · answered by Maria 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You allowed a man that you have been dating for 3 months to move in with you and your two young children? Are you trying to confuse your children and teach them the wrong way of doing things in life? They are learning from you. Maybe you should put your feelings on the back burner. You don't even know this guy. What the hell were you thinking?
2007-08-30 10:58:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You warned him, yes, but sometimes the reality is not what you expected. At his age, he didn't have the experience, the context, to fully comprehend your warnings. The part of this that disturbs me is where you say, "He ended up moving in." A woman with children should not have any man living with her who is not her husband. When you have children, you have to look out for their emotional well-being. You alluded to the possibility that him moving out could hurt them. Correct! For that very reason, he should not even be living there until you have at least a commitment to marriage, an engagement ring on your finger.
2007-08-30 10:17:07 · answer #6 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What the heck are you doing letting a man move in after only 3 months? You have children to consider lady! How can this man have a clue what he is in for after only knowing your kids less than 3 months? Sounds like your 7 year old has more sense than you. Why is he worrying about supporting you? That's your job, no one Else's. Get your act together before your subject your kids to any more nonsense.
2007-08-30 10:16:54 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
First of all...True happiness is wonderful...age is just a number-as long as your mate is mature enough to handle all of the responsibilities that goes along with coming into a situation like this one..maybe he could do some one on one time with your 7 year old, before long he should come around-just hang in there...stay focused on what it is that you want out of life-time will tell all with your mate-Good Luck~
2007-08-30 10:18:12 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that's frankly very stupid of you. Guess you haven't learned anything by already having two kids and no dad for them.
You should be only focused on being a MOM and raising your children, not your lovelife, and certainly NOT shacking up with a guy barely out of his teens, let alone any man.
How about listening to your seven year old!
2007-08-30 10:50:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him time he is only 21. I dated a guy that 3 kids when I was 18 and I loved it even though everyone else thought I was crazy. I am 23 now & I love him and his kids just as much now as I did then.
2007-08-30 10:19:17 · answer #10 · answered by *~*love always*~* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You let him move in - you've brought this on yourself.
His prospects can't be too flash if he is stressing out already worrying about providing for you. Shows he's not ready or capable for a fixed relationship.
Worries with the kids as well......
Nope, no chance - sorry.
2007-08-30 10:18:48 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋