Can an affair turn into friendship?

Question

I had an affair over two years ago with a man who was engaged. Our paths continue to cross because of work and mutual friends. We get along great together and are really supportive of each other professionally and personally. He's spent a lot of time being worried that I will tell his girlfriend about what happened with us, but I think that's over. After a final argument, I've told him and he agrees that there won't be any sex between us anymore. He's since gotten married. I want him in my life professionally and personally, but is this even possible in light of our history? Is there such thing as an "emotional affair"?

i'm not married. He is. And in fairness to me, I've said "no" to a lot of his "I wants"

Answer 1

in answer to the real question you are asking here...yes you can be friends....there are many people who were married and divorced, but have still remained friends....keep it platonic, he married the other woman because he wanted to...but there is no reason you can't be friends

Answer 2

hhhmmmmm, this is tough, when I first read your initial question my answer is yes an affair can turn into friendship, just like ex husbands can be ex wives best friends after divorce. BUT when I read your whole paragraph, I think otherwise. You need to ask yourself if your still sexually attracted to this man, could things happen again. Really be honest with yourself, and if the answer is yes, I would let him go. Plus he will never be yours, he was worried that the girlfriend now wife would find out which means she's first and your next. If you like that arrangement then that is up to you, but I certainly wouldn't. I can't imagine a man going into a marriage while having an affair anyway. WOW that really sucks for the new wife. I would run as far as I could and find a nice single guy to be friends with. This would be a very dangerous friendship. Think of his new wife, innocent as hell probably. Hes a dog, run from him. Or you may want to be his play thing on the side, because if this friendship continues it won't be just friendship, you crossed the line with a friend and thats ok, but now he's married thats not ok

Answer 3

I seriously doubt that an affair can turn into a friendship....and yes there is such a thing as an emotional affair....but since you both crossed over that line 2 years ago....I think your potential relationship would be more than just a friendship or an emotional affair. Don't get involved with this man ever again. Let him stay in the past.

Answer 4

Why risk putting yourself in the path of temptation again like that. It's possible that you and this guy can just be friends, but knowing what's happened in the past, there is that possibility for the temptation to go back to an affair with this guy.

Answer 5

Yes, there is such a thing as an emotional affair....

If your husband knew you and him were "friends" again, how would he feel knowing you've placed yourself in a situation where history may repeat itself?

that should be your clear answer

Answer 6

You need to cut him out of your personal life, emotional affairs are possible and in your case probable. I wouldn't doubt it if you two ended up back in the sack because he knows that your okay with being the mistress.

Answer 7

You need to back off and leave him alone. He sees you as a threat to his marriage and his happiness, so the more you try to keep any kind of relationship with him, the more nervous you will make him. He will always worry what might come out if you are around and if you were off to the side talking with his wife, he would really have issues. It is time to let this one go and just move one.

Answer 8

I have been in that situation before and I say yes, you can as long as there is no opportunity and you don't put yourself in that position where you can be tempted to have sex.
I have been friends with ex's before. I have even been in that situation where I was the other woman with a married man, and when I would date someone else, the sex between us would stop, and I would be faithful to who I was with. He understood that we were just friends with benefits, and when I needed the sex part to stop due to a relationship, he was fine with that. Mostly because we were friends a few months before the sex started, and we could actually talk on the phone and online for hours just as friends as well.
As for an emotional affair, it does exist. That is when 2 people outside a marriage treat each other and talk to each other as if they are in an intimate relationship, with out sex. If you guys find yourselves talking to each other and being together as emotionally intimate as you would with your spouse; you feel like your being secretive about talking to or hanging out with him; if being with him feels like much more than hanging out and talking with just "the girls"(besides having the knowlege of sexual history behind it), those are key symtoms of having an emotional affair. If this is something your not comfortable with or feel it compromises what you want, then back down a little bit and put up some friendly barriers. Don't talk about, touch or be touched, or do things that you wouldn't do with a gay friend or a girlfriend. Should personal issues in his relationship come up that you don't feel is a converstation that can be appropriately discussed without making you feel uncomfortable, then just give him some polite but vague advice and let him know that this would be something that would be better solved and discussed with his wife. If he walks by in the office and brushes up against you "lovingly" or stands a little to close for comfort, or anything he would do to a "girlfriend", just politely smile while looking into his eyes in a friend-only type mannor, and pull back with a subtle look that screams "okay, to close for comfort, very awkward for me", and continue the conversation from arms length. Should he try to move in closer or not get the hint, just hold out your hand like a traffic cop, then move your hand down to grab his elbow, and step back to a comfortable space. Look polite but annoyed. Tell him something to the effect of "Listen, I love being your friend and I believe your a great a capable co-worker, but if this is going to continue to work for us as JUST friends, then we have to have some visible boundries here, because I can't be JUST your friend if you continue to act and talk to me like we're together. And since I don't feel comfortable going back to that, if we can't remove ourselves romantically, then there is only one other alternative, and I don't really want to have to go that route because I value our friendship and would hate to loose it over this.
However, if this is something you feel you still want out of your relationship with him, and can totally trust and control yourself, then that is fine, as long as you understand what it MAY still possibly lead to. Many times those sexual affairs start out as emotional only and lead up to the bedroom because the people involved mistake lust for love, and become carried away by it. So if you can turn on your will power, because I know he can't, then just make sure that you don't go out to dinner or meet him for drinks alone (bring another friend or co-worker), and when having a breakfast or lunch break at work make sure your doing it where you would have no access to get away, or you don't have enough time to do anything. Don't put yourself in a situation where you can't help but say okay.
Good luck.
Angela;-)

Answer 9

I think you are being selfish. This guy wants to steer clear of you to spare him the guilt and his wife the potential emotional crushing. He is trying to be a good husband. You are full of the I WANTS. I don't mean to bash you, however I really think you should leave him alone.

Answer 10

Friendships like that can cause trouble and do you really want to cause trouble again with your husband? Think of how he is going to feel.