Am I right to get mad, or am I selfish?

Question

Ok here's the situation. My husband and I talked it through in March that he would quit his $60k a year job so that we could concentrate on the business. We worked hard, but luck was just not on our side and until today, we haven't seen the fruit of our labour yet. We have a year's reserve, so I was still OK with it, until he started spending more money on books, tapes and seminars. Believe me, they aren't cheap. Before he quit his job, we did calculations on how many months we can last til we run out of money. And now that he spent so much on these things, our money is running down faster than I can imagine. I can't even look at our account for fear of heart attack. The last straw came when he said he signed up for a $2k seminar, and now has to pay for the flight and accomodation to get there. I burst into tears, angry and frustrated. I didn't even cut my hair for almost a year just so that we can save every penny and he went off spending like there's no tomorrow.

He feels bad when I got upset and said, I thought we talked this through already. Prob was, there was a miscomm and I bluntly agreed to it. I'm upset beyond words. Here I am, being as cheap as possible (haven't buy clothes, shoes in a year), and he spent like it's $2-3. I feel this is too unfair for me. He never ask what I want or need, he just keep spending the money. Should I start being selfish too and spend on the things I want just so that he will see my point?

FYI to those who told me to get a job and quit whining, be thankful to my husband etc. I AM thankful to him for providing food on the table, and I AM glad he's working hard for OUR future, but that's not what I'm talking about right now. If you're committed to do ur business, you will not just run out and get a job, leaving everything behind. You say that cos u dont have ur own business. And doing that is irresponsible towards ur own business. Im not a materialistic person who wants all the pretty dresses, shoes etc for myself and gets upset when I cant have it. I was just trying to let u have the picture of how im trying to save for us to keep our head above water.

Answer 1

I would be furious! However, no, the solution is not to start spending money the same way he does. The most important thing for you to do is to become assertive. Tell him exactly how you want him to start cutting back on expenditures immediately. You should also take better care of yourself. It's unreasonable to go a whole year without buying any shoes or clothes. Don't go on a spending spree because that will only make a bad situation worse. However, by all means, stop neglecting yourself.

Finally, stop worrying. Things might still turn around. Even if they don't then when the money runs out your hubby will just have to go back and get another 60k/year job. Just make sure you don't go into debt in order to keep trying with your business. Once the year's reserve runs out, don't throw good money after bad. At that point, cut your losses and get out.

Answer 2

Oh man. I would have been royally peeved. You had a right to be angry. It sounds like you have put hour heart and soul into your goals, but he's not following the rules you agreed on. Maybe it is time you sat and reviewed the rules again. It is possible that some thing just have to cost more, and you truly did not see that coming earlier on. Maybe you can rework your budget to allow for the seminars but make an agreement on which ones are necessary and which are not. It is great that you took a leap of faith and decided to start your own business. My husband and I are also self employed. There is a multitude of challenges and the way to deal with most of the stress is to be flexible. Sometimes you have to go with the flow. However, it looks like your husband may need to learn to treat you more like a partner. You need to make decisions together and respect each others' input. He probably has some adjustments to make. Good luck with your new venture.

Answer 3

i don't think the solution is for you to also start spending, since that still effects your family's financial stability. in the situation you described your husband probably feels that he is taking these classes and seminars to HELP the business. your haircut isn't really going to help the success or failure of the business. i do understand your frustration though.

wait until you have cooled down and have a chat with your husband. agree that in the future, neither of you will spend over $300 for ANYTHING without discussing it first. this will give you both a chance to feel that your opinions are being considered. help him to realize that this will benefit him as well.

discuss whether the seminars and classes are really helping you to better the business or not. again, try not to yell or argue. this will only cause him to get defensive and nothing will be accomplished. simply state how YOU feel, don't make a point of calling him selfish or greedy. don't compare your sacrifices to his thoughtlessness. that will only detract from your goal and cause more tension.

Answer 4

Ok you're no longer egocentric to be mad. My bet is that the anger stems from being upset, however to masks the disgruntlement and to make any individual flawed, you're mad. You suppose what you suppose, interval. As for this facet: "must i keep mad and get my factor throughout or am I bein egocentric and I must simply recover from it???" Staying mad is not going to get any factor throughout and besides considering you're going, benefit from it. Have a well time. Don't allow the truth that each person sponsored out, imply you are not able to uncover a few entertainment within the travel. You could have a exclusive enjoy. It's no longer an issue of 'getting over it'. You must manage the emotions that you simply suppose to allow it move. So I endorse you write a couple of UNSENT letters to the men and women that sponsored out, telling them precisely the way you suppose approximately them and why. Then burn the letters and allow move of the bad emotions. Have a exclusive time, you by no means recognise who you'll meet.

Answer 5

Okay first of all, is he only spending money on business related things? If so, it would be selfish of you to just start blowing money on things that you want that are not related to the business. I think what you need to do since you are supposed to be marriage partners and business partners is make a pact that you MUST discuss purchases prior to purchase. Both must agree before any are made. I think you do have a right to be concerned and that you do have a right to have a say so in what is being spent. It does take sacrifice on both parts and both partners must be in agreement for the business and marriage to work. A house divided against itself will fall! Remember that in all aspects of life.

Answer 6

Men can be so immature. Women are definately the more responsible ones. I have a spending husband as well, but knows in the back of his mind he shouldn't be. A while back I went to a therapist about it and she told me to make a budget with him. It really sinks in when your looking at it on paper. Its better but he still spends and he spends on me. I appreciate all he gives me, but it makes me nervous to think how much specific things were. Also, you may want to talk him into going back to work until your business takes off. Sit him down and reason with him, try to make him understand that you will be in the poor house soon if he keeps it up. He doesn't want that either.

Answer 7

He quit HIS job to invest that money on HIS business. From what I understand here he is supporting you. So, if you want haircuts or shoes go get a job. Stop being so selfish. Your husband worked hard for his money and has the right to do whatever he wants to it. Plus, he's not gambling or buying useless stuff with it, he is INVESTING it on his business...

Go get a job and you'll have all the dresses and purses you want. And thank your husband for the food you are eating every day and for the bills that he is still paying.

Answer 8

Well you did the right thing to get mad & no you are so not being selfish. If your going to point the selfish finger point it at your husband. You need to do a little reminding that it's the guys job to support his family and he's not doing a very good job at it. When he's spending all your money. Tell him to go back and get a job.

Answer 9

And what are you going to do about it? He may not be as good with money as you are. He may think that what he is spending the money on is a good investment. You must show him the numbers and tell him if it continues, you will be out of business and/or he will have to go back to work to bring in some income.

Answer 10

He's spending money on his hope to better the business. Seminars are not cheap! Granted he should have spoken to you first about the cost so in the future make certain you have clear communication.

Sure you're entitled to be legitamately upset but please look at the big picture, he's doing this FOR YOU AND HIM to prosper in the new business.

In the meantime, treat yourself to something new. :-)