Ive been marrid for 25 yrs,in this time my husband wont lift a finger to do things for me,he works on cars, i have to go to a garage to get my car fixed. He helps others fix their houses ours is falling apart, I could go on and on. It hurts my feelings I feel like Im not important to him, I was going to pay a guy to clean our yard one day, he didnt show up ,my husband tells me ,here give me the money Ill clean it .should I have to pay him to clean our yard? Whats up?
2007-08-29 23:42:46 · 18 answers · asked by lmoe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is being so disrespectful to you and that is so strange. What's even stranger is that you've been putting up with this for 25 years? That's terrible, because you're allowing him to disrespect you.
You have to get some control here. You have to confront him with some self respect, pride and dignity and ask some questions. Ask him why this is happening? Does he love you? Why would he want to treat his wife and everything you share together like garbage? What is he getting out of this? Does he want to stay married, because you're not sure you do?
Just tell him that you admit you made a mistake for 25 years, because you were trying to ignore it, but he's been hurting you and now you've had enough. Threaten that he will now stop treating you this way and if it doesn't change, you will file for divorce.
I'm not kidding. You can't stay married to someone who doesn't love and respect you. His response will tell all. If he cares, then this could stop and you could make the marriage exciting again. If he doesn't care, then move on, because you shouldn't live like that. Good Luck
2007-08-30 00:11:01 · answer #1 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I admit it can be pretty hard to take at times, but my husband was just like yours. It was very important to him that others precieved him as a great person and they did. Everybody loved him. He was all the time doing for others and would do anything to make someone feel good. I always said that they didn't have to live with him. I know he knew I loved him unconditionally so therefore I don't think he felt the need to impress me. There were times when I felt hurt by his actions the same as you do. There were times when I raised the roof off the house. My husband passed away 8 years ago and you know if I could have him back with all his faults, I would in a heartbeat. They now feel like such little things. I miss him so very much but you know there are so many who miss him just as I do. I have learned a lot from him. I now find myself doing so much for others. So much so that I let my chores fall behind. I have found that not only does it make the other person feel good but it gives me such a great feeling also. I would say that is the way he is and you can accept him for the way he is or make yourself miserable. I have 4 sons who have a tendency to follow in their Father's footsteps. I try real hard not to let this upset me. They didn't have a good example to learn from. I think that maybe one day they will live in regret that they didn't do more. There is nothing I can do about that and it will be their cross to bear. I choose to be happy today and just take it a day at a time. Don't make yourself miserable, life is too short. I'm sure your husband thinks you are the most important thing in his life. He just takes life for granted. He thinks he will have forever to get around to doing things that need to be done so he is in no hurry. Tomorrow is promised to no one and should never be taken for granted. Maybe in a quiet moment of time, you could ask your husband if tomorrow never came if he would regret that he never showed you just how important you were to him and that once today is gone, you'll never be able to get it back so therefore you would like for him show you just how important you are to him. We all need to feel special at some point and time in our lives. Now if he's not receptive to this, just know in your heart that he does. Choose to be happy today because it's all you've got! LOL
2007-08-30 00:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by Sidney 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like we need to get a club going for this.
I have the same problem.
No matter how many times I ask him to take out the trash it is always done by me.
Same thing when he puts his dishes on the floor for the dog to lick his plate. I tell him stop putting dishes on the floor & stop giving the dog table scraps. He does it anyway
I could go on and on but the point is I still have not found a solution to the problem.
So if you would like to email me just to get things off your chest its okay. Maybe the two of us can find a solution.
2007-08-30 00:20:12 · answer #3 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a bit ridiculous that he wont mend your car or clean your yard for free when obviously he lives in the same yard. have you tried talking to him about your problems? the best thing in a relationship to make one work is honesty. I think your husband is being a little selfish and nasty, has he always been this way? all I can really say is sit & talk to him about it, you'll feel ten times better getting it off your chest.
2007-08-29 23:48:57 · answer #4 · answered by lisa g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of men out there like that.Fortunately we are not all the same!My wife would kill me if I tried to do these things.Seriously a marriage is 50/50 and that means cooking and cleaning.I deliver mail for a living and so am home more than my wife so I clean and cook all the time.My advice???? Go on strike girl and starve him into submission!!
2007-08-29 23:52:00 · answer #5 · answered by HIGHWAYSTAR 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a selfish jerk my husbands the same way. When it happens to me I just scream and complain. I think he gets the point. If I were to just talk to him about it, he'll think its not that serious.
2007-08-29 23:53:19 · answer #6 · answered by keri_ricker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think his behavior could be out of rebelion against your atitude in the way you look at whatever he does for you. Men are easily put of by lack of appreciation in whatever they do, and I think this could be the reason. Also you approach may have something to do with it.
Suggest you start changing him by expresing openly your appreciation for any small thing he does in the house.
Wish you all the best.
2007-08-30 03:35:38 · answer #7 · answered by Kaka M 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i think its a guy thing, i wouldnt pay him but you might need to treated to leave him unless he gets he act in gear, but if he has been like this 4 years its just a habit now an i dout he will change it
2007-08-29 23:59:59 · answer #8 · answered by angelz@princess265 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you have to take care of him inside the house like his clothes ,supper etc ? if you do , stop. then tell him that you can no longer take care of him if he doesnt want to take care of you. if you can use his money for things that are needed to be done around the house or your car, let him pay. you do everything for him and he fills its your job ,so show him the time for your free work is over.
2007-08-29 23:50:22 · answer #9 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
that sounds really strange, paying your husband to do his own housework is really wierd and sad, have you told him this, if you didnt and wont, then hes just going to keep doing it. in my opinion i dont think he should have gotten the money, dont do things for him either
2007-08-29 23:46:27 · answer #10 · answered by 9-pounds-lighter 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋