My wife continuasly harrass me to leave my father and mother?

Question

She want to stay seperate with me and my son and want total control on us I have no problem with my parents but she has with all of us actualy with Hindu family system from last Nine years we are fighting but staying together because she has no place to go and I do not want to leave my old age parents even i also scared of her beacuse in last nine years i was compel to leave my fathers home but now i want permanat solution, my all elder relatives and other friends have tryied but every thing is in vein she doesnt want divorce but want to stay with all of us under her supervision which is unbarebal for us

Answer 1

This is a problem in general in most of the Indian families, where daughter in law want to show her superiority being guided by her foolish parents or by so called social workers or institutions whose main aim is to break peaceful matrimonial homes & enjoy the suffering of both the spouses. In certain cases the parents or other relatives of the husband play a major role in bringing a drift between the couple. I am unable to understand this long lasting Indian mentality to poke fingers in others affair. I get tired reading & replying the questions regarding personal interference of other relatives of both the parties in the personal affairs of the couple. In your case it may not be your relatives but her or some so called well wishers who are guiding force behind this entire nuisance happening at your place. Best solution for all such relatives, friends & well wishers is to give them a good bashing irrespective of their age, sex & status. No one has any right to interfere in the personal life of the married couple, what they do, where they live, how they behave with each other or with others etc. this a personal decision of both to take. You must find out who all are responsible for this mess in your life & at an appropriate time bash them as severely as you can & let them go to hell & do whatever they like to do. As far making any criminal case against you for this physical act or assault as the case may be, just deny your ever meeting them in recent time & show your presence some where else as an alibi to prevent any criminal complaint against you.

Answer 2

Some time it always happen that a man has all the qualities and caliber but he can't do any thing, your situation is like this.
First of all you try to find out that why your wife want live separate. I am sure there will be more reason behind it what you have not mentioned in your question. You check once it may be possibility of fault of your parents. I am not trying to justify but should talk to both the party very cleaverly. I will never speak to live separate with your parent, afterall they are your parents, their place is much higher than god so decide one thing you will never leave them.
It is a natural quality in some women that they want to leave separate, speak her about your problem, your affection with parents and dedication with them. You should tell her that they are your parents and try to adjust with them and u will never leave them alone. Please also ask if her brother's wife will do with her parents in her MAYAKA and what she will think.
In this 21st century few girls are only who think like this. I think your wife is not more educated or she is belonging from un mannered and uncultured family.

Answer 3

Does she have any parents or dependent relatives? For a moment, imagine she does and they need to move in with you. Will you be jumping up and down in joy that her parents or dependent relatives are moving in with you?
Or will you be fighting tooth and nail to avoid it. Or will you be laughing at even the idea of that happening?

Now, the above question was just theory. Your wife is facing REALITY of your old parents moving in, and the necessary adjustments. She is doing what is called "looking after her interests". She wants a house where she is incharge, has independence in her kitchen, dining room, drawing room, and privacy in day -to- day life.

Instead of forcing your parents and your idea of Hindu Family system on her, try to acknowledge to her that what you are suggesting is A VERY BIG COMROMISE, ADJUSTMENT and major loss of independent and private lifestyle for her.
Acknowledge it, accept that if she allows it she is doing everybody a BIG favor. Don't portray it as her moral obligation. Then, offer something in exchange. Like your respect, your unquestioned support in future small small in-law bahu battles.
Tell those elders relatives to mind their own business. Convince, do not force your wife, to allow your parents to stay with you. You both are a unit, be a unit. Respect each other, and each other's wishes. If one's wishes need to be overridden, do it in a very polite,nice and understanding way and make it up to that person in another way.

Your parents gave birth to you, brought you up etc etc. Same with her too. She was not gift-wrapped and delivered by Santa Claus. So, if your parents have made you what you are, her parents have made her what she is. It is equal here.

Answer 4

Typical porblem of Materialistic Indian women of these days they marry and want the husband to be a Ghar Jumai (which actually means husband being a parasite to the wife's family) but now of a different sense ie. Money and everything from the husband ie she and her family becoming a parasite of you.

If you would want to know where your family life is headed check www.saveindianfamiyl.org and www.498a.org. Move and take the necessary measures before she and her family destroys you and your kid's life!!

Answer 5

Because of lack of a strong back-bone, certain 'man' had to act under stupidity, by leaving parents who fed and bred till youth age and to lick on spouse whom he met yesterday.
Please advertise "Wanted a strong back bone"
On getting the reply, get a clean stick and do some exercise based on "karo ya maro". If we have a nose that may be thrown out by sneezing, what is better - can we stop sneezing. the better way is to detach the nose, howsoever beautiful it is.

Answer 6

She is your wife, she is your choice. Its best that you can sit down with her and talk things out. If you want to move out, calculate and show her how high the cost may be. Also, if you really need to (to shut her up or something), move out nearby where you can still take care of your parents. If nothing works, divorce her.

Answer 7

ask her wat the actual prob is n clear it out like adults...it also can be that she wants to move in the house like she wants to.....or wants to have her own timings or wants a out time...take her for a holiday only u son n wife...this will do gud.....n if she sticks to u she must be gud.......n dont think she has no place a lady always finds sumthing wen she really wants to go...it can also be cos of the son that she is staying...cos he is the one who will be paddled in between n she also will not carry the guilt...she is thinking of it then why not u...or u just live in appartments ur elder parents upstairs or downstairs n u in one floor.

Answer 8

I can give u advice as an advocate.
Listen to your wife. In our country she can force you to obey her thanks to 498A.

Forget all traditional values.
In India marriage is supposed to be a dance. You dance between your parents and wife. You obviously don't dance well.

But if it comes to choosing between wife and parents better choose wife else if she goes to court you, your parents and everyone else dear to you will be behind bars.

And you do know how long it takes for the legal cases to work. Right?

We don't give such true advice often. Its bad for business.

Answer 9

I understand your cultural background and u should understand ur wife's desire of being independent and live with her family after all she married you to have kids, not married you to live with you're parents com .on take responsibility for you own family and visit your parents. if there's a tension between her and ur parents then talk about it and tell her that this is your family and they have the right to keep their relationship with their son and their grand kids. she has to respect ur parents, and you and your parents have to respect your and her desire to be independent

Answer 10

I was in the same situation. I got rid of my wife. Today I am happy taking care of my parents.