As you can expect.....I was quite stunned.
I had suspicions something wasn't right for a while....
What should I do ?
P.S we have five children together.
2007-08-29 19:47:25 · 9 answers · asked by shellhiggs07 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This time period of your marriage can be tenuous. Anywhere from year 13 to year 20 can be a very difficult time for married couples. The kids are mostly older and in school full-time not needing your wife to be there for them all the time; she could be feeling misplaced and unloved by the family. Don't let her give up so easily. Go to marriage counseling and woo her again, as you did prior to marriage. Another difficult time for marriages is menopause, when the husband has to be supportive and very sensitive to his wife's changing life. Life is about change, and that change occurs no matter what. Your wife is hopefully just feeling a little empty right now. Try making that up to her by being supportive and loving and making her feel important, because she is worth it.
2007-08-29 19:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by gma 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
I know what it feels like to have this come at you, seemingly out of the blue, but you said that there was "something not right" for a while. I had the same thing happen to me, and it leaves you feeling confused and wondering "what next?".
The very first thing you have to do is sit down with her, somewhere neutral, and safe for both of you, and talk to her, perhaps with a third party to keep things fair (refereeing). She (or you) may not feel like it, but you owe it to each other, to the relationship, and to the kids to do this.
Ask her what does she want to do? Has she said that she wants to end the marriage? Is this a final ending, or a plea for help? Is she willing to consider counseling? Has she said if there is someone else? Have you seen/felt that there might be? What are the kids to be told?
I know its hard not to accuse, to allocate blame, or to beg, or whatever emotion reigns at the time, but you both have to be adult about this.
Is this the end? It could be. But maybe its not. You won't know unless you talk it out.
2007-08-29 20:09:08 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I tried so hard to hold mine together. 10 years and no kids.
The stress from holding it together gave me an ulcer. I then turned into a total jellyfish and did everything she wanted whenever she wanted just to keep her happy. So she started to view me as a lesser and lesser until she started to never come home and spend more time out of the house.
Her classic line at the end was I love you but im not in love with you.
I feel if you work on it you have to get therapy and try to spend time together. if you try and do it yourself you will look weak to her and be view as a supplicant which is unnattractive.
2007-08-29 19:53:00 · answer #3 · answered by Dari-O 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can't make some one love you that is for sure. Love is a choice made by the person. I would say you would have to accept it. She should still stay in the marriage, because she said her wedding vows, but you can't force her to stay. If you have been a faithful husband and she divorces you, she will be committing adultery with who ever she goes to next and she will be making them commit adultery too.
I'm sure she will try to blame this on you. Maybe you have some part in it, but the main blame is on her.
2007-08-29 19:57:43 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should get to know why his feelings are gone... Is it another woman? Is it something you are doing? etc etc.. But try to keep it together, if all fails then you'd just have to let the relationship end.. You can't force someone to stay with you.
2007-08-29 20:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by hottie7 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should get yourself together.you said yourself you knew something was up.well your kids feel it too.you need to move on.you too could find happiness,you have suffered long enough and maybe you will come out Way ahead of him in the end.good luck
2007-08-29 19:55:03 · answer #6 · answered by STALKER BLOCK 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Count your losses and bounce. Why stay together if it isnt a happy marriage anymore.
2007-08-29 19:56:49 · answer #7 · answered by ATM 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
what she is telling you is, she has found someone new... it's time to think of the childeren... tell her thanks for the memories and fight for custody of your childeren!!! Their love is unconditional as yours should be towards them... I agree with the first answer, if you try to keep it together, you will become a spineless jellyfish...
2007-08-29 20:06:05 · answer #8 · answered by prop4u 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Odds are she DOES have felling for someone else allready.
2007-08-29 20:36:45 · answer #9 · answered by jersey city Joe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋