How do u cope with a father who is busy working and seldom around (guys only)?

Question

I am a guy whose dad is workaholic and is seldom around. In fact, he has never spent quality time with me ever since I was young. I'm already 20 and I feel terribly incompetent as a man. I see my friends and was quite envious of them because they had good relationships with their dads. My dad is always too busy working, he never took a direct interest in my life, and my mum is the one who is left to care for the house. Dad never taught me technical skills, never taught me sports, never cared for me, never taught me how to become a true man for society. Usually dads spend time with their sons. I was left by myself all the time to grow up on my own. For any guy out there with a similar experience, how do u possibly cope? It's like growing up without a father.

PS: This question is only for guys.

Answer 1

Why is this question only for guys? I have a son...and I know just what you are talking about. My husband worked long hours, and was not a sportsy person, but he still taught my son a lot of his own skills and today they are very close.

You need to find a few things to do...like a sport, or a skill where you can work with other men and learn some of these things.
For example...you could join the "housing for humanity" group and help build houses...and in the process can learn some building skills that will be a big help to you.

You can find a new sport...and learn it from the ground up...it could be golf, soccer, basketball, pool, swimming, or whatever you enjoy....start in a beginning class. Another thing to do is rock climbing...find a group that likes this and it will do all kinds of good for your learning new skills.

Pay attention....I'm a Mom and I know what I'm talking about.
Your Dad is the loser...and one day he will wake up and realize he has no family when he needs one...believe me ...the day will come.

And learn from this...you can learn the skills yourself...but when you have sons....don't be like your Dad....decide now that you will be there for them in little league or whatever they have an interest in. It will be worth it! And one more thing....have you tried some clear speaking to your Dad?
Many times we just don't clearly say how we feel...let him know he is losing a son.....and why! He might just listen...busy or not! Sometimes it takes blunt speaking!

One other thing I know. Parents often do what they were taught when they were a kid. It's probably the case your Dad didn't have a Dad there for him...and he is just doing what he learned. Let him know what you think about that!

Answer 2

I know you want to only hear from men but I have to respond because I went through the same thing but with my mom and for years I felt I had no adult role model. I am 30 now and growing up my mom always worked 10-15 hour days and I had no father. So I was always alone never going to the movies or just doing the mother daughter thing. I still wish I had that but I learned to move on and it helped me be a better mother to my children. Then this year my husband and I had to work alot we just got a new house and we spent alot of time working on it and not that much free time went to our kids and when I read your question I thought how do the kids feel so I will get back on track like I was privious years. I just hope this makes you a better father and you know where your priority is to your kids good luck I hope you can move on. An just put your self in his shoes that is all he may know because I now know my mom did it because she was a single mother and had to bring the money home so we can live the way we did.

Answer 3

I'm sorry, I have 2 answer this. Becoming a parent didnt come with a book - it's really hard, you immediately have this new person in your life, someone you now need to look after. Depending on your father's age look at where he is and why he's there, in his days men did not look after children, went out earning, no hands on experience just did.

Place/book an interview time with him, speak with him & tell him what you have been up 2. Do you have goals, what do you inspire to do, who in the family have you seen lately. Tell him all this & more, you will B surprised.

Mr R. Murdoch has a son named Lochie, who is married, he's a father who's never around to grow up with, imagine yr father being Mr Murdoch, think of the stress to ask him for anything yet Lochie put all his efforts into being him first, achieveing & setting goals and now he's together and more, you need to read about this man & get inspired.

Stop pointing the finger, invest in yourself & put more into life - your life, your mother's life, bring her flowers, do the dishes (don't give me that face) and enjoy being a man now, not later, now.

Answer 4

I kinda had the same problem... although part of it was my fault since I've been really shy to bring up life issues to my parents. So basically I've done self teaching and right now I have a really good (male) friend who is helping me out in various life issues (I'm ashamed to say in just a few weeks I have talked more about my life to this guy than I have my dad in 20 years)

Also some tv shows and movies have helped shaped me. I found that I learned alot of etiquette from watching all seven seasons of Star Trek: Next Generation. Aside from entertainment purposes, you learn from alot of male characters (especially the leads) how to appropriately act in public (and private for that matter).

By the time you have seen all those episodes you find yourself thinking to call a male stranger "sir" (I had trouble doing this in the past) and a female "ma'am" and whatever other titles are approriate (Dr., Captain., etc.) . I find myself trying to imitate the good traits in characters I've studied in various role playing games as well. I know alot of people that don't play these games for the story and just play them for the action, but there is plenty of depth to role playing games if you just look for it. (Final fantasy, Xenosaga, Star ocean, others....) I also find myself being otherwise polite more often now as well (please, thank you, and so on)

Some people might laugh at me for the methods I used to teach myself but it's working pretty well and infact I managed to actually get the nerve to talk to a girl and even eventually give her my email address (I've never had a girlfriend before). I used all of the training I've seen, read, and otherwise observed. Then again I'm a technical geek so I research everything to the nth degree.

Even though I'm pretty good at imitating and understanding things through research and stuff, it's still not really a replacement for a father, but this is how I coped, so I hope this helps you.

Answer 5

My dad was a busy guy to, we never really spent time until he was retired by that time i was about your age. But he did always try his best to make some time so its a little different than you. I talked with my older friends a lot and get advice from them as well. Once it comes down to it you have to take what advice you can and become your own kinda man.

Answer 6

I found it hard to cope too, like you I had an 'absent' father who was always a workaholic, yet in his own way he did from time to time show his love for me. I knew that his job would take him away from family life and being the eldest of 5 kids it is hard, you have a lot of responsibility resting on your shoulders. So I had to grow up fast, I had no 'real' childhood as such because of that. It prevented me from developing as a human being, or so it seemed to me. The reality was that it was me that was stopping myself, lack of confidence mean't that very little got achieved.

Hope this helps you.

Answer 7

I grew up without a dad, period. My mother raised me. I normally just hung out with other friends and figured everything out on my own. There is no point in crying about it, that will get you no where. Suck it up, and teach yourself any skills that you'd want to develop. You don't need anyone in this world except yourself to succeed and become successful.

Answer 8

talk to your dad thats all you have . i was rasied by my mom. and i kinda just grew up with her and my sister. my dad never speaks but. just grow to have the skills to be the father that you wanted to have. and when u have kids you'll be there best friend. idk lol or find something he likes to do. or go on vacation and have a good time. idk